


denial is not just a river in egypt

by amaelamin



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crack, Denial of Feelings, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-01
Packaged: 2018-07-28 15:30:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 53,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7646692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaelamin/pseuds/amaelamin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>denial - </p><p>/dɪˈnʌɪ(ə)l/</p><p>The action of denying something, to claim something is not true.<br/>A refusal to grant the truth of a statement or allegation; a contradiction.<br/>A refusal to accept or believe something.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted on AFF from 23 dec 2015 to 8 feb 2016.
> 
> features onesided!jaehwan/wonsik.

_Thump. Thumpthumpthump. Thu-thump. Thump._

If there was a recording camera in the room, Taekwoon would have looked up into it like he was in The Office. But there wasn’t, so he settled for raising his head from the essay he was trying to write and stared blankly at the wall in front of his desk. It wasn’t like this was new to him though – it was Saturday night, which meant business as normal: 613 was throwing a party and him in 513 was suffering. He would have complained a long time ago to the RA only 613 was as quiet as mice during the week and sometimes when the party upstairs got a little too crazy Taekwoon would wake up to one or two bottles of beer outside his door the next morning in apology. Strange apology, but Taekwoon was a poor struggling college student and he wasn’t going to say no to free beer. Buying his silence hardly took any effort, he knew, and every week he still debated whether free alcohol really made up for five to seven hours of mayhem and chaos.

Taekwoon ran a hand through his hair and pushed it out of his eyes, reaching over to Hongbin’s side of their shared desk to grab the thin hairband Hongbin used at home. He put it on, sliding his fringe out of the way, and tried to concentrate once more. Midterms were still some time away but he had learnt the hard way last semester what kind of hell descended on him once he left everything too late. He never wanted to relive trying to write six papers at once in the span of a week again.

_THUMP THUMP THUMP_

Taekwoon exhaled impatiently through his nose, only a moment later realising that the banging was coming from the apartment’s front door and not his ceiling. Taekwoon flicked a look at his phone: 1:32am. Hongbin said he wasn’t coming home today and he had his key anyway, so who the hell at this time –

Taekwoon got up and went to get the door, the banging getting more insistent by the second.

“Alright, _alright_ , I’m here,” Taekwoon muttered, swinging open the door and then having to look up a bit, something he wasn’t generally used to.

The boy in the doorway squinted first at him and then past him into the empty apartment, swaying rather dangerously on the spot. “Where did everyone go?”

Taekwoon stared, nonplussed, at the very obviously-drunk person standing on his welcome mat. “Are you looking for 613?”

The boy squinted at him even more. “What?”

“The party,” Taekwoon tried to force himself to stay patient. “Upstairs. Not here.”

“Oh.” The boy said, then started to giggle. “I thought everyone had suddenly disappeared.” This was apparently starting to be somehow hilarious to the boy, because the giggling turned into outright guffawing that he failed to keep in despite one hand clamped across his mouth. “Everybody, just – pfffff-”

“The stairs are over there,” Taekwoon hinted strongly, pointing over to the right, wanting very badly to get back to his paper.

The boy turned his head in the direction Taekwoon was gesturing too fast for his drunk senses to keep up with, swayed, stumbled, and keeled over at Taekwoon’s feet, Taekwoon rearing back in alarm. Once on the floor he clearly decided to set up residence, because then he promptly passed out.

Taekwoon took a very deep breath, and sighed.

*

“How come Sanghyuk is sleeping on our couch?”

Hongbin had poked his head into Taekwoon’s room, Taekwoon awake and checking his phone but yet to emerge from his cocoon of blankets. Taekwoon had heard him come quietly in an hour ago – no matter how quiet Hongbin always tried to be when he spent the night out Taekwoon was the lightest of sleepers and woke up anyway – and wondered absently which lucky schoolmate of theirs it was this time that had had the pleasure of Hongbin’s company last night. He couldn’t keep up with Hongbin’s boy- and girlfriends.

“Sanghyuk? That’s his name?” Taekwoon’s voice was still sleep-rough, so he cleared his throat and tried again. “How do you know him?”

Hongbin frowned. “He’s in the basketball team, freshman. If you don’t even know his name what’s he doing on our couch?”

Taekwoon sat up blearily, not wanting to get out of the bundle of warmth he’d carefully cultivated during the night. The apartment’s heating really wasn’t the most reliable. “He passed out outside our door last night. Believe me, I almost left him out there.”

“Random acts of kindness, huh, hyung? Rescuing stray puppies now?” Hongbin grinned, flashing the dimples Taekwoon rather thought was half the reason so many people still turned up to watch his games. It certainly had nothing to do with how well the team played, that was for sure.

“So he’s in your disaster of a team, is he?” Taekwoon said, finally finding the willpower to push the blankets aside and swing his legs out of bed.

“’Disaster’ is such a strong word,” Hongbin said breezily, his head disappearing as he headed presumably into their small kitchen. “I think I prefer ‘spectacle’.  Or ‘feast for the senses.’”

Taekwoon snorted, emerging from his room and trodding to the bathroom. “’Feast for the senses’ my ass. What is there to feast on, besides a grand display of failure?”

“Well, there’s me, for one thing,” Hongbin said, totally serious, head in a cupboard. “Are we out of cereal?”

Taekwoon couldn’t argue with that. “It’s in the fridge,” he said, before closing the bathroom door.

“Why the hell does he put everything in the fridge,” Hongbin muttered, taking the cereal and milk out and wondering at the same time if he should wake Sanghyuk up or let him sleep. He put the food down on the tiny fold-out table they used as a dining table and craned his neck to look at Sanghyuk stretched out – and there was a lot of Sanghyuk to stretch – on their couch. He was still dead to the world, his party clothes looking terribly incongruous in their small bare apartment. He’d never really seen Sanghyuk outside of basketball practice and it was interesting to see him all dressed up like this – tight jeans, nice shirt, and because Taekwoon hadn’t bothered to take off poor Sanghyuk’s shoes he could see that they went really well with the rest of his outfit too. Not bad. He approved of people with good fashion sense.

Hongbin snagged his phone from next to the sink and took a picture of Sanghyuk’s feet, sending it to Wonsik.

_nice kicks, huh? when he wakes up i’ll ask him where he got them. looks like something you’d like._

*

Wonsik pursed his lips, looking at the photo, and then Hongbin’s message, and then the photo again, only to glance up at Hakyeon watching him with an expectant look on his face.

“How’s he yanking your chain this time?”

Wonsik rolled his eyes but slid his phone over their Starbucks table to Hakyeon anyway, wondering how damn transparent he had to be that Hakyeon could tell with just one look at his face whom it was who had messaged him. Clearly he had a special ‘Hongbin’ expression _which was made up of one part misery, one part sexual frustration, and one part general pathetic-ness_ , his brain supplied helpfully.

“’When he wakes up’, huh,” Hakyeon said, pushing the phone back towards Wonsik. “It doesn’t _have_ to mean that Hongbin fucked him, whoever this is. I mean, it probably does, but it doesn’t _have_ to. Maybe that’s what he wants you to think.”

“Nobody keeps their shoes on in bed, right?” Wonsik asked hopefully, feeling the word ‘loser’ tattoo itself across his forehead.    

Hakyeon nodded supportively, the look on his face only slightly condescending. “Wonsik, I-”

“Don’t say it,” Wonsik warned, taking a big sip of his iced coffee. “I know, okay? I know.”

Hakyeon said it anyway. “I really think you should try to find someone else.” Wonsik exhaled, letting himself fall back into his chair. “Someone who would actually treasure you, not treat you like this when he obviously knows how you feel about him.”

“Hyung, if it were that easy I would have done it years ago,” Wonsik leaned forward again, emphatic. “Anyway, it has to mean something that he does shit like this. Like he wants to keep me interested.”

“Because he’s an asshole who likes the attention!” Hakyeon cried, forgetting to keep his voice down. “Honestly, you drive me insane. I’ve never known anybody who likes suffering as much as you do.”

“It’s been three years,” Wonsik said stubbornly. “I will never love another.”

Hakyeon closed his eyes, looking like he was expending a mighty effort to restrain himself. “Fine,” Hakyeon said finally, opening his eyes and breathing deeply. “Fine. Let’s go to work.”

“Is it bad that we always drink Starbucks before going to work at Caffébene?” Wonsik asked, getting up from their table, Hakyeon shaking his head in fond annoyance behind Wonsik’s back as he followed Wonsik out of the café.

“You’re right. It’s a crime. We need to confess to the manager.”

“Really?” Wonsik turned around, eyes wide.

Hakyeon really wanted to hit him sometimes.

*

Sanghyuk had been sleeping for nearly eleven hours.

Taekwoon looked at him, and looked at the clock again. It was a Sunday, which meant he had nowhere he needed to be, but he also couldn’t let someone he didn’t know colonise his couch indefinitely. He wasn’t sure if he should wake Sanghyuk up or just keep waiting for him to get up on his own, and Hongbin had unhelpfully left him alone in the apartment to go for his study group which meant all decisions pertaining to unconscious six-foot-tall people on his couch came down to him. He put his hands on his hips and looked down at Sanghyuk, drooling onto a cushion.

“Hey,” Taekwoon said cautiously, shaking Sanghyuk a bit by his shoulder. “Sanghyuk.”

No response. He shook harder. “Sanghyuk, wake up. Wake _up_.”

Sanghyuk finally cracked open one eye and peered up at Taekwoon like it was hurting him to do so. He stared blankly for a few seconds and then rolled over, groaning, to press his face into the back of the couch.

Taekwoon blinked, wondering if he should let this continue. Maybe the kid could be sobered up by coffee and then subsequently kicked out of the house.

He went to make a strong cuppa, initially considering using some of his good coffee but then deciding at the last minute that Hongbin’s instant would be enough for drunken home invaders. When he got back from the kitchen the boy was sitting up, albeit leaning over with his head in his hands; Taekwoon presented the mug to the kid, holding it helpfully a few inches from his nose.

Sanghyuk looked up first at the mug, then Taekwoon, and then gagged hard, hands flying to his mouth. Taekwoon gasped in panic, quickly setting down the coffee on the floor and grabbing the boy by the upper arms and yanking him to his feet. He manhandled Sanghyuk to the bathroom and shoved him in, the sounds of retching following bare seconds after. Taekwoon closed his eyes in relief, his heart still pounding – there but for the grace of god went his living room rug.

It took a while for Sanghyuk to re-emerge to a backdrop of the toilet flushing, looking pitiful and slightly green in the face.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, “I’m really so-” His eyes widened, and he rushed back into the toilet once more.

The whole process repeated itself twice more, Taekwoon giving up and settling himself down on the couch to wait until Sanghyuk had finished throwing up the entire contents of his stomach. He drank Sanghyuk’s coffee, making a face at the taste of instant java.

After about twenty minutes Sanghyuk finally appeared, sitting down sheepishly at the end of the couch and finding it hard to meet Taekwoon’s eye.

“I’m so sorry,” he said once again, this time to the rug he had thankfully not puked on. “Um.”

“Do you feel better now?” Taekwoon asked, at a loss for what else to say. The usual etiquette for such a situation was beyond him.

“Kinda. Not really. But I don’t think I’m going to throw up anymore.” Sanghyuk answered, swallowing. “Um, who are you? Whose apartment am I in?”

“You don’t remember?” Taekwoon asked, eyebrows raising. “You were probably at the party upstairs. I don’t know if you got lost or what but you knocked on my door and then passed out.”

Sanghyuk screwed up his face in mortification. “Oh, god.”

“You know someone who lives here, actually. Hongbin. He’s my roommate.”

“Hongbin sunbae lives here? Did he _see_ me?” Sanghyuk demanded in horror, turning to Taekwoon sharply, apparently all awkwardness forgotten.

“Of course?” Taekwoon answered. “You’re not exactly inconspicuous.”

“Oh, _god_ ,” Sanghyuk moaned into his hands. “Of all the apartments it had to be his!”

Taekwoon frowned slightly, feeling miffed. “I’m the one who had to drag you inside, you know.”

Sanghyuk lifted his head quickly, both hands outstretched placatingly. “Oh, no, I didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry to you too, I mean, most sorry to you, I really don’t know why I did that. I’m really sorry. Please let me make it up to you somehow?”

Taekwoon shook his head, standing up. “It’s fine. Just forget about it.”

“It’s not,” Sanghyuk insisted, standing up as well, face the very picture of misery. “I don’t even know you and I was so much trouble. I nearly threw up on your rug. Oh my god, what if I had thrown up on your rug?”

“Yes, but you didn’t, so-” Taekwoon answered, trying to gently buffer Sanghyuk towards the door.

“I can clean your apartment for you. Or run any errands you need running. Or wash your car. Does your car need a wash?”

“I don’t have a car, but thanks,” Taekwoon said, still herding.

“Hongbin sunbae is going to hate me,” Sanghyuk said sadly, finally ending up at the door.

“He doesn’t hate you,” Taekwoon assured Sanghyuk, opening the door. “He’s generally supportive of the concept of spending the night in strangers’ apartments.”

Sanghyuk stopped, cocking an eyebrow. “So the rumours are true?”

“You didn’t hear it from me,” Taekwoon replied primly, feeling satisfaction bloom at the sight of the kid finally, _finally_ out of his apartment. A strange sense of déjà vu stole over him, the kid looking at him from where he was standing on Taekwoon’s welcome mat only without the swaying and squinting of the night before.

“Well, thank you,” Sanghyuk said, cracking a small, shy smile for the first time, Taekwoon marvelling at how young and soft it made him look. “And I’m sorry again.”

“It’s fine, really,” Taekwoon said, allowing himself a smile in return. “Watch yourself next time.”

Sanghyuk nodded, ducking his head in embarrassment. “Bye.”

Taekwoon settled for a short wave before going back inside and closing the door. _Peace, at last._

*


	2. Chapter 2

When Hongbin pushed open the doors to the crowded café Hakyeon spotted him first. He handed the waiting customer her slice of cake with a warm smile before glancing at Wonsik, bent over retrieving more cream from the refrigerator under the order counter and still unaware of who’d just walked in. Hakyeon watched Hongbin run a seemingly-casual hand through his hair to make sure it was in place before approaching the counter and Hakyeon sidled up to Wonsik.

“Satan approaching,” he muttered out of the side of his mouth before turning his back smoothly to go get more espresso cups out of the dishwasher.

Wonsik straightened, confused, and came face to face with Hongbin’s devastating dimples.

“Oh,” he breathed intelligently.

“Hi,” Hongbin leant his crossed arms on the counter, bouncing a little on his toes. “Thought I’d drop in and get Taekwoon hyung something before going home. He’s stressed out over some paper he has to write.”

“The usual?” Wonsik asked, drinking Hongbin in, already absentmindedly reaching for a takeout cup.

“Do one of your Christmas specials with mint or something, as long as it’s got a lot of milk in it. You know what happened last night? One of my basketball juniors got drunk and passed out outside my apartment and Taekwoon hyung had to drag him into the house and lay him out on the sofa, totally smashed. It didn’t strike me as funny when he told me this morning but halfway during study group the image of Taekwoon hyung being grumpy as fuck and dragging in this gigantic unconscious freshman by one leg into the house _hit_ me and my god, I couldn’t stop laughing. Oh, that’s who the shoes belong to, by the way. The ones in the photo I sent you.”

An eavesdropping Hakyeon snorted from somewhere behind Wonsik and Hongbin perked up. “Hakyeon hyung, hey.”

Hakyeon turned around, smile at the ready and coffee in his hands. “Hello, Binnie.”

“Hey, listen,” Hongbin said, turning his attention back to Wonsik who was trying very hard to make sure he was making Taekwoon’s drink right with Hongbin leaning in towards him over the counter like that. “Want to come over later? We can order in.”

“Uh,” Wonsik shook his head regretfully. “I’ve got homework, Bin. That needs to be done by tomorrow morning.”

“Oh, come on. Come over and I’ll help you with it.”

“Didn’t you say you also had that other thing you needed to do, Wonsik?” Hakyeon interrupted smooth as a hot knife through butter, magically appearing by Wonsik’s side.

“What thing?” Wonsik turned to Hakyeon, blank.

“That thing. You know. That write-up on satanic forces and how to repel their advances.”

Hongbin looked at Wonsik, eyes wide. “What class is that for? Sounds cool.”

“I… don’t know,” Wonsik floundered, desperately trying to interpret Hakyeon’s Meaningful Look.

Hongbin looked from Hakyeon to Wonsik and after a moment waved his hand impatiently between them. “Whatever it is, bring it and we’ll do it together. Maybe I’ll make Taekwoon hyung cook, hmm? Pasta?”

“Promise me we won’t end up on your PS4,” Wonsik pleaded instead, setting Taekwoon’s festive coffee in front of Hongbin.

“I promise,” Hongbin smiled triumphantly, reaching into his back pocket for his wallet to pay for the coffee and conveniently making the shirt underneath his jacket stretch across his defined chest. Hakyeon could _feel_ Wonsik’s sigh from three metres away.

“Hey, nevermind,” Wonsik waved away Hongbin’s wallet. “It’s on me.”

“Really?” Hongbin’s smile could have blocked out the sun. “You’re too good to me. See you later.”

Wonsik was in the middle of watching Hongbin walk out of the café when Hakyeon slapped him upside the head.

*

Taekwoon rather felt like he was intruding on something he wasn’t supposed to be seeing.

Wonsik had come over an hour ago like Hongbin had said he would, and Taekwoon had made dinner for all of them, feeling gratified Hongbin told him Wonsik had been craving his pasta. Then they had retreated to Hongbin and Taekwoon’s desk in the living room, where now Taekwoon wasn’t sure if homework or Advanced Flirting was taking place.

Wonsik had brought over doughnuts for dessert and there had been a lot of Hongbin wiping off sugar from the side of Wonsik’s mouth, and Hongbin dusting the sugar off his fingers on Wonsik’s jeans-clad thigh, and also quite a lot of leaning in unnecessarily close and Wonsik making great googly eyes at Hongbin while Hongbin was presumably giving suggestions for Wonsik’s homework.

Taekwoon frowned down at his laptop from where he was half-lying on the sofa, knowing that outright staring at the two of them wasn’t helping his paper write itself but the spectacle of Lee ‘I don’t do relationships but I’m a great fucking tease’ Hongbin torturing Kim ‘I’ve been in love with Hongbin for years and the whole world knows it’ Wonsik was too interesting. It was like watching a master at work.

Taekwoon knew Hongbin got around – Hongbin never dated any one person for very long and he seemed perfectly happy like that, and no one ever really got stuck on Hongbin the way Wonsik had. Hongbin had mentioned once they’d been at high school together, though, so Taekwoon supposed that was where Wonsik’s unholy crush had started. He didn’t know how on earth Wonsik endured the knowledge that Hongbin was steadily making his way through the entire student population – and part of the professors’, too, if the rumours were to be believed – but somehow he was surviving. And more in love than ever, going by the way the lovelight was shining out of his eyes. Taekwoon pursed his lips in sympathy. Personally he would have snapped a long time ago and done something drastic like shave his entire head or something from the stress.

This went on for the next twenty minutes, Taekwoon unabashedly watching them like they were primetime television even though this was hardly the first time he’d seen this episode. Once or twice he felt the urge to give Hongbin a standing ovation, the way Hongbin was flustering Wonsik till the tips of his ears were flaming.

The doorbell rang in the middle of all of this, and Taekwoon hurriedly tore his eyes away from the two of them before they could catch him staring. Hongbin and Wonsik turned around to look expectantly at the door as Taekwoon went to answer it, and of all people Taekwoon might have guessed was waiting outside Sanghyuk sheepishly holding a giant fruit basket wasn’t one of them.

“Sanghyuk?” Hongbin asked, note of confusion in his voice. Taekwoon didn’t see the look of tense apprehension that passed over Wonsik’s face, wondering if this was one of Hongbin’s hook-ups because he was too busy staring in shock at Sanghyuk’s fruit basket.

“The supermarket didn’t have anything smaller than this,” Sanghyuk said by way of greeting, his cheeks flaming with embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I had to, it was making me crazy. I couldn’t just not do anything to make up for intruding on you last night. This morning. You know.”

“Sanghyuk, come in,” Hongbin got up and went to the door, elbowing a still-speechless Taekwoon out of the way. “Bring your enormous fruit apology with you.”

“Thank you, sunbae,” Sanghyuk muttered, heaving the basket into the apartment and giving it to Hongbin who pretended to wilt slightly under the weight.

“Sanghyuk, this is Wonsik. Wonsik, this is Sanghyuk, my basketball junior. Also Taekwoon’s new best friend.”

Taekwoon cut Hongbin a glare as he went past into the kitchen to deposit the basket, standing awkwardly in front of a just-as awkward Sanghyuk.

“Wonsik, he’s the one I was telling you about. The one with the nice shoes,” Hongbin called from the kitchen, staring at all the available spaces until he gave up and just put the basket with difficulty on the floor in a corner.

“Nice shoes?” Sanghyuk asked, confused, as everybody automatically turned to look at his feet.

“Yeah. You were wearing nice shoes when I saw you on the couch, unconscious. Wonsik likes shoes a lot,” Hongbin explained, leaning against the couch and watching Wonsik give Sanghyuk an immensely awkward wave. If Taekwoon knew Hongbin at all, Hongbin was enjoying the fuck out of this ridiculous situation.

“So, Sanghyuk,” Hongbin smiled. “Should we set up a sofa bed for you every Saturday night after 613’s parties? Maybe get you a duvet of your own?”

Sanghyuk laughed, having quickly gotten over most of his embarrassment. “If Taekwoon hyung would be okay with it, sure,” he turned to Taekwoon, concerned. “I got your name right, didn’t I? Just now Hongbin sunbae mentioned it. And can I call you ‘hyung’?”

“Why not?” Taekwoon answered drily. “I already feel like we’ve known each other for years.”

“Anyway, I hope you like the fruits,” Sanghyuk said. “They should last you for quite a while.”

“Take some home with you later,” Taekwoon immediately told Wonsik, who grinned, nodding. “Tell Hakyeon to make fruit pies or something once you guys fix your oven.”

“Yeah, it can be a welcome gift for our new roommate,” Wonsik said, and Hongbin turned to him in surprise.

“New roommate? You didn’t say anything about a new roommate.”

“You know we’ve been looking for someone for the third room since Hyunsik graduated. I haven’t seen him yet but Hakyeon met with the guy already, says he should do perfectly. His name’s Jaehwan, he’s a year older.”

Hongbin went over to Wonsik to interrogate him further and Sanghyuk stepped towards the door, eyeing Taekwoon with a little of his earlier sheepishness returning.

“I guess I better go. I live in the same block, actually. Third floor. I room with my friend, Sungjae.”

“Sungjae? As in Yook?” Taekwoon asked. “There’s a Sungjae that just joined the music society.”

“Oh really? You’re in that too? _So_ cool. I always wanted to do something with music but it just never happened,” Sanghyuk lit up, forgetting all about Sungjae. “What do you do? Sing? Or play an instrument? Or compose?”

“Uh, I sing, and I play the piano. And I, um, I compose a little, too.” Taekwoon said, feeling his cheeks start to warm self-consciously as they always did when he started to talk about his music.

Sanghyuk latched on to his arm, eyes worshipful. “Hyung, can you teach me how to play the piano?”

“You want to learn?” Taekwoon asked, feeling oddly flattered. “I’m not a very good teacher, honestly, I’m not sure-”

“Hyung, please. Even the basics would be fine. I tried teaching myself but I need someone who is actually good at it to guide me.”

“Uh,” Taekwoon said, sure his cheeks were fully red by now. “Well, sure, if you want. We could use the Society’s piano room.”

“Thank you, thankyouthankyouthankyou,” Sanghyuk beamed. “I’ll give you my number, hyung, you can message me when you’ll be free to arrange our _lessons_ ,” he said, putting special delighted emphasis on the last word. “This is so great. Who’d have thought me getting drunk and passing out like an idiot in front of a stranger’s apartment would have led to this?”

“Yeah, who’d have thought?” Taekwoon repeated deadpan as he fished out his phone, making Sanghyuk laugh. Sanghyuk recited his phone number for Taekwoon to save, and Taekwoon watched Sanghyuk practically skip off after down the corridor to the stairs. He closed the door, shaking his head. The kid was cute.

He had to reopen the door two seconds later for Wonsik to exit, suddenly subdued like a wilting flower. Wonsik smiled a goodbye at Taekwoon that didn’t reach his eyes and Taekwoon turned back into the apartment to find Hongbin contemplating the sofa with a thoughtful look.

“What did you say to him?” Taekwoon asked, going for the direct route. “Few minutes ago you guys were fine.”

“What do you mean, what did I say?” Hongbin asked, indignant. “He had to go.”

“Looking like a deflated balloon?”

Hongbin shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Taekwoon shook his head again. “One day, Bin. You’re going to regret the way you treat him.”

Taekwoon didn’t wait for the cutting look he knew was coming his way and went into the kitchen, realising something with a cry. “You see what you did? Wonsik left without taking any fruits. How the hell are we going to finish all of this?”

*

_How about this Friday, 6pm? Taekwoon hyung here._

_hi hyung! i’m so sorry but i can’t actually, i’ve got a game on starting at 5. hongbin sunbae didn’t tell you? you’re not going to watch him?_

_Oh, right. He told me. I forgot. Yeah, I’m going. Let me know another time you’ll be free? I’ll need to book the piano room._

_ok i’ll get back to you on that asap. yay see you at the game!_

*

Hakyeon, Taekwoon and Wonsik slot themselves into a crowded row in the bleachers, the elder two wondering more than once why they were indulging their respective younger friends; Hongbin on Taekwoon’s part, because he really didn’t care about sports unless it was football and the basketball team was going to lose anyway, and Wonsik on Hakyeon’s part because Lee Hongbin was the absolute devil as far as Hakyeon was concerned and the less time Wonsik spent mooning over Hongbin either in proximity to Hongbin or not, the better. Hakyeon supposed they made a pretty hilarious picture, the two of them sitting stoically sharing a bucket of popcorn while all around them people were cheering and waving school flags and whatnot. Wonsik was actually wearing one of Hongbin’s jerseys over his shirt, a thing Hakyeon had pleaded with him not to do, but lo and behold. Taekwoon had raised an eyebrow at the sight of Wonsik in the jersey, and Hakyeon had answered with a raised eyebrow of his own.

“I just hope this other team destroys them fast. I’m still not done with that stupid paper,” Taekwoon grumbled, watching Hongbin’s hair bounce beautifully as he ran up the court. It was ridiculous how good Hongbin looked sweaty and redfaced.

“Winter midterms aren’t for ages, I don’t know what you’re stressing out about,” Hakyeon replied dismissively, mouth full of popcorn.  

“Do you remember last semester? When I nearly died because I left everything to the last minute?”

Hakyeon narrowed his eyes, as if he needed effort to remember The Great Taekwoon Meltdown of Summer 2015. “Oh. Yup. That wasn’t pretty.”

“Understatement.” Taekwoon scanned the court. The team was already down more than twenty points, and it was hardly fifteen minutes in. He didn’t know how Hongbin stood the humiliation.

The referee called a substitution, and Taekwoon blinked. “Oh, look, that’s the kid that crashed on my couch and gave us that fucking big fruit basket. He’s being subbed in.”

Wonsik stopped watching Hongbin’s every single move long enough to look back at the two of them and shout, “Hey! That’s Sanghyuk!”

“That is Sanghyuk,” Taekwoon nodded. “He wants me to give him piano lessons.”

“You? Give someone lessons?” Hakyeon scoffed. “Don’t make him cry, please. He looks sweet.”

Taekwoon frowned. “What part of him looks sweet?”

“Look at how he’s running. He’s so excited.”

“He won’t be excited by the time the game’s over,” Taekwoon said darkly.

He was right. By the end of the game the home team was down forty points – not even their worst loss this season – and Sanghyuk was positively drooping. He’d tried his best, from what Taekwoon could see, but there was no helping a team this bad. Hongbin came over to them once the game was properly over and people were streaming out of the gymnasium, still breathing hard and probably wrecking Wonsik’s sanity in the process. There was a girl sitting nearby who was watching Hongbin with an expectant look that Taekwoon rather thought branded her as the girlfriend of the moment, and he didn’t want to stick around to see Wonsik’s face when Hongbin went over to her. He stuck the bucket of popcorn in Hakyeon’s lap and climbed down the bleachers to where Sanghyuk was conveniently sitting dejectedly in the first row with the person Taekwoon recognised from music society as Sungjae.

“Cheer up,” Taekwoon said by way of greeting, nodding at Sungjae. “After you lose a few more times it won’t matter anymore. Look at Hongbin, he’s the star of your crappy team and he’s not phased at all.”

Sanghyuk looked up, face completely serious, and Taekwoon could see that his levity had been completely misplaced. “Hey – hey, I’m sorry. I thought you knew how bad the team was.”

“Are you telling me they lose all the time?” Sanghyuk asked, disbelief creeping into his voice.

“Pretty much,” Taekwoon said, apologetic.

“Great,” Sanghyuk said, getting to his feet and swinging his towel over one shoulder. “After I cool down I’m gonna go quit.”

“Seriously?” Sungjae said, reaching out to punch Sanghyuk in the arm. Sanghyuk gave him a crying face before jumping down onto the court. “Oh, hyung, are you going to wait for Hongbin sunbae?”

Taekwoon nodded uncertainly, sneaking a look up to where Hongbin was now sitting with the girl and Wonsik again looked like a deflated balloon. “If he doesn’t have other plans for tonight.”

“We can walk back to the dorm together?” Sanghyuk asked, face hopeful.

“Oh, uh, sure,” Taekwoon answered, caught by surprise. “Hongbin will be glad to have someone to join his post-match ritual of insulting all the other players’ skills. Or lack of.”

“Okay,” Sanghyuk smiled, and Taekwoon was struck with how it changed his face. “See you back here.”

Yeah, the kid was cute.

*


	3. Chapter 3

“Ooh,” Sanghyuk pronounced, looking around the piano room with its neat folders of scores stacked in wall-height cabinets that ran around the perimeter. The piano itself was a beautiful grand piano, standing to one side near the windows.

“It’s nice, right? I come here a lot,” Taekwoon said quietly, switching on the airconditioning and motioning for Sanghyuk to take his seat at the piano.

“I can see why.” Sanghyuk sat down and looked out the windows. The view was nothing much, but they were high up enough to feel isolated from all the other people scurrying about on ground level. The late-afternoon sun was pouring in, golden hour not that far off, and Sanghyuk felt he could imagine Taekwoon coming here to play when he was stressed out; letting the music calm him or just to look out the windows in the comforting presence of the piano. It was that kind of place. Sanghyuk liked it.

Taekwoon sat down next to him and opened the lid, running his fingers over the keys as if in greeting. “Okay. So maybe we can start with basic fingering?”

“You’re not even going to buy me dinner first?” Sanghyuk asked without missing a beat, and knew he deserved the Look he got in return.

“Sorry,” Sanghyuk let himself giggle a bit before he burst from holding it in at Taekwoon’s unimpressed glare. “Sorry. I couldn’t help it.”

“That’s such a used line,” Taekwoon said after a while, correcting Sanghyuk’s resting hold on the keys.

“It was funny. Admit it,” Sanghyuk needled, trying his best to imitate the way Taekwoon held his hands. Taekwoon just gave him another look.

Taekwoon had him do scales, stopping him ever so often to make him change the fingers he used – “No, like this” “Why can’t I do it this way? It’s more comfortable” “ _No,_ like this” – until Sanghyuk felt he was starting to understand why Hakyeon had wished him good luck with his piano lessons.

“How long were you learning on your own?” Taekwoon asked after a while, watching Sanghyuk try to wrestle his fingers into the correct positions for the scale he was playing. “You might have gotten too used to the wrong – wait, not like that. Your hands are so big, why are you having trouble with this? You should be able to reach the next key easily. See how I do it-”

Sanghyuk stretched his fingers as wide as they would go. “Look, you have such long, elegant fingers. Mine are like – like construction workers. Yours are ballerinas. You can’t compare them.”

“My fingers are not ballerinas. Think of this less like,” Taekwoon wracked his brain, “like dribbling a basketball down a court, okay? You need to make the notes flow, not punch them out like this – what, what’s wrong?”

Sanghyuk was still making the face that had brought Taekwoon up short. “Don’t make me think about basketball, hyung. I still don’t know what I’m going to do about that.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t know they were that bad, actually,” Taekwoon said, letting his hands relax. A short break was probably a good idea since Sanghyuk wasn’t getting it. “Weren’t you with the team from the start?”

“No, I wasn’t. I didn’t want to take up basketball again, honestly. I had a really bad injury last year of high school and that’s when I took up the piano, started looking into other things. Mostly to distract myself but after a while I started to wonder what I was missing, you know? Training sixteen, twenty hours a week. There’s so much more I want to try, but in the end I couldn’t run from the fact I love playing ball too much. I missed it. I was fooling around with Sungjae on one of the college courts about two weeks ago and Hongbin sunbae saw me playing. He’s the one who got me to join the team. He was pretty persuasive, actually,” Sanghyuk finished with a small thoughtful smile down at his hands in his lap, and looked up to see Taekwoon trying not to stare at him and failing.

“What? Hyung, what?” Sanghyuk asked worriedly, eyes going wide.

“When you say _persuasive_ …” Taekwoon trailed off, thinking of the way Sanghyuk had smiled when he’d said it and not able to help his suspicion, knowing Hongbin. “Exactly how did he persuade you?”

“What? What is that supposed to mean?” Sanghyuk demanded.

“You didn’t sleep with him, did you?” Taekwoon asked, trying not to be awkward about it. “I mean – I don’t know which way you swing, but – just so I can put my mind at rest, because Hongbin isn’t above using such tactics to get what he wants, and he _always_ gets what he wants, you know what I mean?”

Sanghyuk was speechless. “Hyung!” He managed, after a few moments. “We played a _game_ together. He was _good_. He – he reminded me how basketball was _fun_.”

“You were very embarrassed when you found out that day I shared the apartment with Hongbin,” Taekwoon continued, having to see this through to the end.

“Well-” Sanghyuk spluttered. “Of course I was! He’s my senior in the team, and – and – well, I want to impress him because he’s really good, and everyone likes him, and he’s really goodlooking-” Taekwoon’s eyes narrowed and Sanghyuk rushed on. “Which doesn’t mean that I slept with him!”

“But you have a crush on him,” Taekwoon said.

“ _No_ , oh my god, hyung,” Sanghyuk huffed, and Taekwoon noted the blush creeping up his neck, feeling slightly remorseful. “I – I don’t – I’m not gay, hyung.”

“Okay, I’m sorry, but once you get to know Hongbin you’ll realise that what I just asked you isn’t all that weird,” Taekwoon said, reaching out a hand to squeeze Sanghyuk’s shoulder in apology.

“Have _you_ slept with him, then?” Sanghyuk turned around and shot out, eyes challenging. Taekwoon dropped his hand.

“I wouldn’t touch him with a ten-foot pole,” Taekwoon said scathingly. “I’ve known him too long. Plus, Wonsik would hate me – ah.”

Sanghyuk looked at him curiously and Taekwoon clamped his mouth shut. _Damn it._

Sanghyuk sat in silence for a few seconds, Taekwoon internally groaning at himself. “Oh, so that’s why Wonsik hyung was so upset after the game when we walked back to the dorms together, us and Hakyeon hyung,” Sanghyuk breathed, putting two and two together really quick. “Hongbin sunbae went home with Sejin noona.”

“I don’t know her name,” Taekwoon admitted. “Look, I really wasn’t supposed to say anything. I know Wonsik makes himself pretty obvious because he’s an idiot who doesn’t have a poker face and anybody could twig it after watching him with Hongbin a couple of times, but please don’t say anything, okay? You weren’t supposed to know.”

“I can keep a secret,” Sanghyuk protested. “Wow, Wonsik hyung. That’s sad. Oh, that makes sense,” Sanghyuk said, looking like he’d just remembered something. “When Hongbin sunbae introduced Sejin noona to us after training one of the other seniors said he bet ‘this one’ lasted a week because she wasn’t Hongbin sunbae’s usual type.”

At Taekwoon’s questioning look at what sense that made, Sanghyuk gestured between them. “Why you said once I get to know Hongbin sunbae it’ll make sense why you asked if I slept with him. Hongbin sunbae hooks up a lot?”

“I think he’s trying for a Guinness record,” Taekwoon said flatly.

“Wow,” Sanghyuk said, looking genuinely impressed. Taekwoon shook his head at him. Hongbin’s powers of attraction were indeed impressive, but they seemed less so once Wonsik and the way Hongbin treated him came into the picture. Taekwoon pursed his lips, however – he’d spilled enough about Wonsik’s love life for one evening.

“So Hongbin sunbae swings both ways?”

“Up, down, left, right,” Taekwoon answered, playing ascending chords to accompany each word.

“And you…? You didn’t say you wouldn’t sleep with Hongbin sunbae because you were straight, but because you’ve known him for too long and Wonsik hyung would hate you if you did.”

“Is this a piano lesson or gossip session?” Taekwoon asked to hide his self-consciousness, the chord he played this time discordant.

“Hey, that rhymes,” Sanghyuk grinned, sensibly letting it go and giving Taekwoon a friendly elbow in the ribs. “Alright, teacher, let’s go.”

Taekwoon gave him more scales to do, but not before elbowing him back first.

*

Taekwoon pressed the ‘end call’ button and turned to call out to Hongbin in the living room, which to be honest was only a few steps from the kitchen where he was about to do the washing up.

“Hakyeon says they’re coming over. They want to introduce their new roommate to us.”

“ _Finally_ ,” Hongbin rolled off the couch, bustling into his room presumably to change out of his pajamas; Taekwoon wondered if he was the only one Hongbin allowed to see him unguarded like this. Taekwoon shook his head, something he found himself doing a lot when it came to Hongbin these days. He hoped for Wonsik’s sake the new roommate – Jaehwan – wasn’t hot.

It took Hakyeon, Wonsik and Jaehwan twenty minutes to walk over, and Hongbin was artfully arranged on the sofa in a sleeveless tank top and clingy sweatpants by the time they arrived. It had been four days or so since Jaehwan had moved in, and all he’d heard from Hakyeon was that he was really lively and a lot of fun to have around, if a little messy, and that Wonsik adored him. Taekwoon didn’t have to ask to know that Hakyeon was not-so-secretly hoping that Jaehwan would be the cure to Wonsik’s Hongbin ills, though he’d have to admit that he was sceptical. If three years of Hongbin playing with Wonsik’s feelings non-stop and dating half the world right underneath Wonsik’s nose had done nothing to dampen Wonsik’s burning passion for Hongbin he doubted the appearance of this Jaehwan would have much of an effect.

Half an hour into the visit, though, and Taekwoon was shakenly realising he might have to eat his words.

Jaehwan was tall – honestly, it was freaky how Taekwoon had managed to fall in with so many other six-foot-plus guys in college when in his high school he’d been the only one near that height in his class – and possessed of a mop of dyed-brown hair, a rather impressive nose, and a smile that Taekwoon would have described was like sunshine, if he’d been the sappy sort. Jaehwan talked a mile a minute, laughing as often, and his whole demeanor was infectious. He was the sort of person Taekwoon had always tried to avoid, back in school – irrepressible, gregarious, not to mention loud – because Taekwoon was the absolute opposite. Yet, he found himself smiling at the things Jaehwan said, already talking to them like they’d all been friends from way back. Hakyeon was sitting by, looking triumphant, and it was no wonder – Wonsik was completely smitten. Taekwoon wouldn’t have believed it if he hadn’t seen it with his own two eyes: the all-powerful Hongbin had been dethroned.

Wonsik hung onto Jaehwan’s every word, calling him ‘cute’ every other sentence or so, his deep laugh mingling with Jaehwan’s whenever Jaehwan cracked a joke. Taekwoon didn’t think it was possible for Wonsik to be sitting any closer to Jaehwan unless he got up and sat right in Jaehwan’s lap.

Taekwoon sneaked a glance over at Hongbin, who looked slightly shellshocked. If Taekwoon himself was surprised at this turn of events, he could only imagine what Hongbin must be feeling, and Taekwoon wondered if it tasted a little bit like karma. It wasn’t like Wonsik was ignoring Hongbin, but the adoring look on Wonsik’s face that had previously only ever been directed at Hongbin now clearly had a different object. And all this, after only four days?

Taekwoon slid his gaze back to Jaehwan and Wonsik and Hakyeon caught his eye. Taekwoon gestured with a tiny nod towards the kitchen and Hakyeon got up on the pretext of helping Taekwoon get them all more beers from the fridge.

Taekwoon made sure they were hidden from view behind the fridge door before he raised a hand to his mouth, shaking his head at Hakyeon in disbelief. Words weren’t necessary.

“I _know_ ,” Hakyeon hissed at him excitedly. “I’m as amazed as you are. I don’t know where this Jaehwan popped up from but he’s the weapon I always wanted.”

“I can’t believe it,” Taekwoon said. “I feel like we’ve fallen into the twilight zone.”

“Right? I never thought it was possible either. But it’s happening.”

“Does Jaehwan realise?”

“We’re talking about Wonsik here, Taek,” Hakyeon deadpanned. “Unless Jaehwan is a complete idiot, he’s going to realise what’s going on.”

“But, Hakyeon,” Taekwoon remembered the beers, and pulled out two to put in Hakyeon’s hands. “What if Jaehwan doesn’t feel the same? Wonsik’s just going to fall right back into Hongbin’s arms.”

“I haven’t thought that far yet,” Hakyeon whispered, bumping the fridge door closed with his hip. “I’m just enjoying the look on Bin’s face for now.”

They reappeared and passed out the beers, Hongbin looking strained because Wonsik and Jaehwan were quietly talking about something that clearly didn’t involve him, Wonsik looking blissful. Taekwoon almost felt sorry for him.

When the three of them left some time later, only Taekwoon saw them to the door, Hongbin waving feebly from the sofa and blinking blankly at their small television once they were gone.

“I told you so,” Taekwoon said gently, leaning down to squeeze Hongbin’s shoulder as he made his way to his bedroom.

“Told me what?” Hongbin asked, tone curt.

“That you’re going to regret how you treat Wonsik. Now your puppy’s found a new owner, hasn’t he?”

“What makes you think I care?” Hongbin laughed, the sound unnatural. “He can do whatever he wants. Honestly, it’s a relief not having him hanging off me like he always does.”

Taekwoon shrugged. “Sure.”

“I _mean it_ , hyung,” Hongbin stressed, getting to his feet. “I don’t care. Goodnight.”

Hongbin turned around and went into his bedroom.

*


	4. Chapter 4

_hyung, i think i’m gonna quit. do you think hongbin sunbae will be mad?_

Taekwoon squinted at the message, trying to keep one eye on his lecturer’s slides and one eye on his phone, which left him with no eyes to make sure he was writing down his notes properly. Sanghyuk must have just woken up, because only sad fools like Taekwoon had eight a.m. lectures; him, and all the other sad fools blearily staring at their lecturer discuss applying conflict theory to the creation of monotheistic religions. At least Taekwoon _thought_ it was conflict theory, frowning down at his notes.

He quickly snagged his phone while the professor stopped to take a drink of water.

_Only in it for the fame and glory, are you? Maybe you’re what the team needs to turn itself around. Motivation. Positive thinking. All that stuff, etc._

The professor started on the next slide and the reply came almost immediately. Taekwoon could just leave it till his lecture was over. He could.

He swiped the message open, eyes flicking between his phone and the professor’s slides.

_hyung, don’t joke. i’m serious. i’m a delicate sensitive soul, i can’t take the pain of losing all the time._

Taekwoon snorted out loud before he could stop himself, and had to endure the guy sitting in front of him turning round to give him a pointed look. Taekwoon glared at the back of his head once he turned around and couldn’t see Taekwoon anymore.

_I can’t speak for Hongbin. Plus, now he knows where you live._

All over the lecture theatre there was the rustle of people turning over their notes to the next page and Taekwoon hurriedly did the same, noting he’d missed an entire slide. Damn it.

Sanghyuk sent back a crying emoticon which Taekwoon made himself ignore until the lecture was over. He thought a little about what to reply before starting to type as he walked out of the lecture theatre on his way to the arts block canteen, thinking of the way Sanghyuk had glowed talking to him the previous evening about basketball.

_\- What about you? Won’t you miss playing? Also you’re up early for someone who doesn’t have class._

_\- i *have* class, i just finished lol. breakfast time! and it’s not like i’m never going to play ever again, i play 1-on-1 with sungjae all the time. and i could play with hongbin sunbae sometime if he doesn’t murder me. do you play?_

_\- Breakfast time for me too. Not that many modules have 8am lectures, what are you taking? And yes, I play with the others sometimes. You could join us if you want, if Hongbin doesn’t kill you as you say._

_\- philosophy 101! it’s terrible i have no idea what’s going on. oh yay! good, we should play soon. after our piano lesson this week maybe? i’ll bring sungjae. if everyone from your end comes we can play 3 on 3. where are you having breakfast? if you’re alone come eat with me in the science canteen._

Taekwoon stopped outside the arts canteen and dithered, undecided. They hardly knew each other and sharing a meal together if they ran out of things to talk about would be grossly awkward, even though it seemed like Sanghyuk could talk enough for two people. Breakfast was a very important meal for Taekwoon, and the arts canteen did a really mean breakfast set with super good scrambled eggs. However, the science canteen had the best galbitang. Taekwoon made a face, forced to choose between creamy, buttery eggs and piping hot, satisfying soup, and deep down he knew there was no contest. He turned around and made for the corridor that linked the arts and science blocks.

“Taekwoon hyung!” Sanghyuk waved to Taekwoon when he got to the science canteen, trying to keep his voice down and simultaneously shout across two rows of tables. Taekwoon made his way to Sanghyuk and shrugged his bag off his shoulders onto the seat opposite Sanghyuk, noting with satisfaction that Sanghyuk already had a steaming bowl of galbitang in front of him. Sanghyuk noticed him looking and excitedly leaned forward.

“Hyung, this galbitang is the best-”

Taekwoon started to laugh, feeling suddenly very close to Sanghyuk. The kid had very gratifying good taste, and clearly knew how to be excited about the important things in life.

Taekwoon went to get his own galbitang and rice and once they had spent a few minutes in silence appreciating their food and trying not to burn their mouths on the boiling-hot soup Sanghyuk swallowed and spoke.

“So shall we? This Friday after our lesson? Three on three.”

“Sure, but it’ll be a job dragging Hakyeon along. Does this mean you’re going to quit the team for real? What if Hongbin really murders you?”

“Then when they find my body you’ll know who did it and I hope you’ll avenge me,” Sanghyuk said seriously, gesturing at Taekwoon with his spoon. “Or I’ll come back and haunt you.”

Taekwoon pretended to knock Sanghyuk on the head with his own spoon, and Sanghyuk dodged it.

“And yes, I’m going to quit. I don’t know how Hongbin sunbae does it, but there is no sense in joining a team that’s only going to bring me heartache. I’ll find some other club or something to join.”

Taekwoon nodded, and they continued eating. By this point Taekwoon would usually be worrying that he was being too boring and not conversational enough – his friends knew he wasn’t really a talker unless he wanted to be, but new people didn’t, and Sanghyuk was still someone new. He’d worried during their first piano lesson the day before as well that he’d be expected to make conversation, but Sanghyuk seemed to be fine with practising what he taught and leaving it alone when Taekwoon didn’t seem to want to answer his questions. He learned fast, if he was a little stubborn, but Taekwoon found he didn’t get offended when Taekwoon corrected him over and over again which was something Taekwoon liked a lot about him. Sanghyuk genuinely wanted to improve.

To be completely honest, Taekwoon had no idea how things had progressed until they were not only seeing each other during their piano lessons but also here eating breakfast together, given the way they’d met. Life was strange, but Sanghyuk was entertaining and seemed to want to spend time with him, and he didn’t seem to mind Taekwoon just wanting to eat quietly. So, overall, a good thing, Taekwoon hoped. A new friend was always a good thing to have, though he rather wondered why he was ending up surrounded by dongsaengs; he needed to make more friends of his own age before he started to feel old.

“I’ve got another lecture at twelve,” Sanghyuk said once they’d put away their food trays. “And then at two, and then a tutorial. Save me, hyung.”

“You’ll get used to it,” Taekwoon grinned, adjusting his backpack and walking out of the canteen together. “Guess what I’m going to do now?”

“What?”

“Go home and sleep.”

Sanghyuk gave him a supremely unimpressed face. “I’m going to wipe the court with you on Friday, hyung.”

*

_Bin I’m really sorry but I can’t come over later. I’ll make it up to you ok?_

Hongbin looked at Wonsik’s message, feeling strangely calm inside as he put down his phone. Wonsik had never before said no to him. Ever. There had never been a time Wonsik hadn’t come over when Hongbin had asked him to, or made time for Hongbin when Hongbin wanted it.

Hongbin breathed in slowly, and then breathed out. He was calm. It was okay. Even though Wonsik was his oldest and closest friend, and he knew Wonsik had the crush of a lifetime on him, Wonsik couldn’t always be at Hongbin’s beck and call. It made sense. It was only logical. Maybe one of his pet fish had died. Maybe he had a last-minute assignment to do.

Maybe that assignment was called ‘Jaehwan’, his mind supplied, and Hongbin made himself breathe in and out once more. He wasn’t jealous. There was nothing to be jealous about. Jaehwan was obviously cute, and fun to be around – Hongbin could admit that much, even from just one meeting – and Wonsik was such an affectionate loser it was natural that he was so taken with Jaehwan like how people got possessed with squee when they came across a really adorable puppy. It was fine. It will pass, because at the end of the day, Wonsik had been in love with Hongbin for well on – Hongbin tried to estimate – three years now. Three whole years couldn’t be undone in a matter of days. After a while Jaehwan would lose his shine and Wonsik would come back to Hongbin.

It was probably an ego thing. Even though Hongbin didn’t feel the same way about Wonsik, he’d just gotten so used to the adoration and attention that now Wonsik seemed to be taken with someone else it stung his pride. There was nothing wrong with Hongbin, Wonsik wasn’t tired of him. It was just the novelty of someone new.

Maybe Taekwoon hyung was right, maybe Hongbin had been a bit cruel to Wonsik lately. He should stop teasing Wonsik so much, especially because Wonsik wore his heart on his sleeve and for the life of him couldn’t play the game like Hongbin did. Hongbin never thought Wonsik actually took it seriously, but then again that was Hongbin being obtuse on purpose. Of course Wonsik took it seriously. Yeah, Taekwoon hyung was right. Hongbin needed to be kinder to Wonsik and not jerk him around so much, and then Wonsik would come back to him.

Taekwoon came home to find Hongbin on the sofa, worrying his lip and staring at his phone, so far away that he didn’t even notice Taekwoon come in the door.

“Binnie,” Taekwoon said, dropping a wrapped takeaway bacon ciabatta sandwich in Hongbin’s lap. “Don’t you have class?”

“Oh, thanks, hyung,” Hongbin blinked, looking down at the sandwich. “Yeah, I got to go.”

Taekwoon ran a fond hand briefly through Hongbin’s hair, and watched him pack the food into his bag and pick out shoes before waving goodbye to Taekwoon. Taekwoon shook his head at himself. Hongbin could be terrible in many ways, but for some reason he’d wormed himself into Taekwoon’s heart and latched on like a parasite. Taekwoon just thanked every god available he simply wasn’t attracted to Hongbin like Wonsik was – probably, still – because it would be so easy to fall for Hongbin’s handsome face and charming personality, and then he’d be in the same hell Wonsik lived in daily. Hongbin was merely the bratty little brother he’d never had, and Taekwoon was fervently thankful that that was all he was. But speaking of Wonsik –

Taekwoon dropped his bag next to the desk and peeled off his jacket – it was starting to get cold, but they still had nice, sunny days – before stripping off and getting back into his pajamas. The great question of Wonsik and Hongbin and Jaehwan: at first there were two, and now there were three.

He’d been amazed, obviously, at seeing Wonsik with Jaehwan. Usually Wonsik couldn’t see anything or anybody else when Hongbin was around, but not only had he been paying full attention to somebody else while Hongbin was not only around but in a sleeveless top calculated to show off his arms and shoulders, he had looked at Jaehwan with the same look on his face Taekwoon had been so used to see him look at Hongbin with that he’d almost forgotten that wasn’t how Wonsik looked all the time. It was amazing.

Like Hakyeon, he hoped this was a good thing. They had no idea how Jaehwan was going to react to all of this, but they both knew that it was high time Wonsik found someone who would take the heart he offered so freely and cherish it, for once. Hopefully that person could be Jaehwan, and Wonsik could finally be free of the whole Hongbin nonsense. Even if Jaehwan wasn’t queer or didn’t feel the same, Taekwoon reasoned, at the very least it would break this hold Hongbin seemed to have over Wonsik and maybe then he could move on. And if Hongbin could find it in him not to be a brat about the whole thing all the better for everyone.

_“What makes you think I care?” Hongbin laughed, the sound unnatural. “He can do whatever he wants. Honestly, it’s a relief not having him hanging off me like he always does.”_

Taekwoon thought of what Hongbin had said to him that night and how he’d looked during Jaehwan’s visit, and an uneasy feeling settled in his stomach. If he knew Hongbin…

Taekwoon stilled a moment and then shook his head and got into bed. Hongbin wouldn’t do anything. He wasn’t that terrible.

He crossed as many fingers and toes as he could, just to be safe.

*


	5. Chapter 5

When Taekwoon and Sanghyuk arrived at the outdoor basketball courts after their lesson on Friday – Taekwoon had actually praised Sanghyuk this time on his scales, then turned right around and scolded him for not being able to demonstrate the difference between _delicato_ and _estinto_ – Hongbin was already there, practising his three-pointer shots. It was getting to be properly autumn and it was chilly out, so all of them were dressed warmer than usual for until the game got going and they warmed up on their own.

Taekwoon dropped his bag and rummaged around in it, finally finding what he was looking for and sliding the hairband onto his head to keep his fringe out of his eyes. Hongbin cried out in recognition as he jogged up to meet them, accusing eyes on Taekwoon.

“So _that’s_ where that went. I was searching high and low for it the other day and you had the nerve to say you didn’t know where my hairband was.”

Taekwoon just shrugged shamelessly and sat down on the court to wait for the others, leaning back on his hands and watching the court lights switch on as the evening darkness fully descended on them. It was starting to get dark earlier and earlier these days and Taekwoon didn’t like it. The tail-end months were his least favourite time of the year because one: they were cold, and two: they were cold.

Hongbin pretended to ignore Sanghyuk as if he was still mad at Sanghyuk quitting the team earlier in the week, Sanghyuk half-laughing and half-begging for forgiveness as he hung off Hongbin’s arm, Hongbin trying to shake him off in dramatic mock anger. It was clear Hongbin had a soft spot for Sanghyuk, and Taekwoon smiled to himself as he watched them wheel around in circles, playing out their little dramatised breakup.

Sungjae arrived a few minutes later, soon sucked into Hongbin and Sanghyuk’s improvised drama which had bloomed into a full-fledged soap opera with Sungjae acting the man Sanghyuk had left Hongbin for, borrowing bits and pieces from famous dramas and being so ridiculous Taekwoon couldn’t help laughing out loud at them. Finding new friends was one thing, but finding new friends that were in sync with your own nonsense was like finding a huge ginseng root in an empty field. It apparently didn’t matter that Hongbin had never met Sungjae before as long as he was someone who would unquestioningly jump into character as the conniving rich secret lover of his real-life best friend who was acting out a painful, tearful breakup with his basketball senior as a metaphor for his real-life ‘breakup’ with the college basketball team. Good stuff.

It took a little over ten minutes for the others to finally arrive, Hakyeon looking predictably like he’d been forced to come, Wonsik, and – Jaehwan, waving at everybody. Taekwoon sat up, eyes immediately flicking to Hongbin. _Oh, boy._

“You don’t mind that Jaehwan’s here, right? He’s really good, we were playing the other day and he kicked my ass,” Wonsik shook his head, apparently the only one there who hadn’t noticed Hongbin’s eyes go wide at the fact that Wonsik had actually gone to play basketball _without_ Hongbin, and not even because Hongbin couldn’t make it, but clearly because Hongbin hadn’t even been invited. Taekwoon watched Hongbin process this information, Wonsik blissfully unaware of the approaching danger, and when Hongbin’s face settled into a smooth mask Taekwoon felt a strong twinge of apprehension. He knew what Hongbin looked like when he was mad, and sad, and worried, and scared, but he’d never seen Hongbin look like this. Worse, Hongbin was _smiling_.

“Oh, but now we’ve got an uneven number for three on three,” Hongbin said pleasantly, even Sanghyuk picking up on it and sending a secret look of alarm Taekwoon’s way which Taekwoon held, looking grim.

Hakyeon immediately grabbed his chance and raised a hand. “I’m out then.” He practically skipped over to where Taekwoon was and sat behind the court’s perimeter line, dragging Taekwoon’s and Sanghyuk’s bags with him. “I’ll be your cheerleader.”

 Hongbin’s smile didn’t falter. “Fine. Let’s split the teams, then? I get Sanghyuk and Wonsik.”

Taekwoon had to protest this, worried as he was about Hongbin. He may not care about basketball all that much but there was no way he was going to get his ass willingly whipped on the court. “Hey, both you and Sanghyuk can’t be on the same team. That’s not fair.”

“Let’s do it by scissors, paper, stone?” Sungjae offered, for some reason unable to sense the general atmosphere of murder, like Wonsik. Even Jaehwan was starting to look a little uneasy at Hongbin’s unflinching smile.

The teams ended up: Hongbin, Taekwoon and Sungjae versus Sanghyuk, Wonsik and Jaehwan, and the game started to the tune of Taekwoon’s extreme sense of foreboding.

They all knew Hongbin was really good, obviously – even Sungjae who was new to them had watched Hongbin in that game he’d gone to support Sanghyuk for. He was one of those born players, and Taekwoon had always wondered how come he hadn’t gone to one of the big universities on a sports scholarship because there was no way someone as good as he was couldn’t have been scouted in high school. But that was still a mystery, and Taekwoon sensed there was something mixed up in there that Hongbin wasn’t open to sharing. In any case, the bottom line was Hongbin was _good_. He never tried very hard when he played with Taekwoon and the others because he never really had to, for one, given the others weren’t basketball prodigies by any standard, and because Taekwoon knew Hongbin wasn’t actually that big-headed to want to beat his friends into the dust just in order to feed his ego.

Today, however, was clearly a whole new ball game in every sense of the word. Hongbin was being downright _vicious_.

He didn’t give the other team a chance, darting around them and almost effortlessly getting the ball away from them every opportunity he got. Sanghyuk was uncomfortably conflicted in how serious he needed to play against Hongbin – he was the only one who could at least put up some kind of defense against Hongbin though he knew sooner or later Hongbin would best him, and it was just sad watching Wonsik and Jaehwan try to keep the ball in their possession or try to score. Hongbin refused to let them. He scored again, and again, and again, Taekwoon and Sungjae hardly needing to do anything, and when Hongbin finally body-checked Jaehwan so hard Jaehwan fell flat on his back Taekwoon loudly called for a break, slapping a hand on the back of Hongbin’s neck and almost dragging him over to the water coolers back against the wall of the sports hall over on the other side of the courts on the pretext of getting water.

Wonsik had gone over to help Jaehwan up, concernedly checking if he was alright, and Sanghyuk sat down in a confused, sweaty heap next to Hakyeon and Sungjae who was finally cottoning on that something was not right.  

“What the hell’s going on?” Sungjae asked in a low voice, and Hakyeon stonily stared straight ahead. Sanghyuk sighed and shook his head.

“Later, Jae. I’ll tell you later.”

Hakyeon turned to look at Sanghyuk in surprise, and Sanghyuk shrugged. “I figured it out on my own. Taekwoon hyung didn’t tell me anything, don’t worry.”

Hakyeon contemplated Sanghyuk for a few moments, lips pursed, clearly feeling protective. “Just don’t say anything to Wonsik or Jaehwan, alright? Or Hongbin, clearly, if you value your life.”

“I do value my life, which is why I don’t know if I want to keep playing,” Sanghyuk muttered, watching Taekwoon and Hongbin at the water coolers, Taekwoon’s hand still on the back of Hongbin’s neck and talking rapidly.

“I don’t think you need to be afraid,” Hakyeon grudgingly told him. “Wonsik and Jaehwan, on the other hand…”

The two in question came over to plop themselves down facing the other three, forming a small circle.

“You okay?” Hakyeon asked Jaehwan, who winced.

“Is it just me, or is Hongbin hyung kind of mad about something?”

Hakyeon just sighed at Jaehwan’s attempt at levity, looking up at the dark sky. Wonsik was looking guilty.

“Maybe we should go?” Wonsik ventured, nudging Hakyeon. “I think I’m the one he’s mad at.”

This actually made Hakyeon laugh, though it had very little humour in it. “Oh, you think?”

Wonsik looked down at his hands and Hakyeon sighed again. He lolled his head back in order to see what Taekwoon and Hongbin were up to, and found that they were on their way back. Taekwoon had finally dropped his hand from Hongbin’s neck, and when they both reached the others Hongbin stopped and smiled at them, but it was a very different smile this time; contrite, and more dimples and less teeth.

“I’m sorry, you guys. I’ve got some stuff going on and I let it get the better of me. Jaehwan hyung, you okay? I’m sorry about that, just now.”

Hakyeon’s eyebrows were raised by the end of this little speech, matching Wonsik’s. Sanghyuk and Sungjae were still just confused, but Jaehwan smiled back warmly. “I don’t break that easy. It’s fine.”

Hongbin put out a hand to help Jaehwan to his feet and Jaehwan took it. Sanghyuk half-expected Hongbin to let Jaehwan go halfway and start laughing manically when Jaehwan fell again, but he didn’t. He pulled Jaehwan up and smiled prettily at him again, quick this time.

“Great, okay, let’s play,” Taekwoon said, clapping his hands encouragingly.

The others got to their feet too, Hakyeon trying valiantly to hide his suspicious frown and watching Hongbin like a hawk. Hongbin circled around to where his bag was lying next to Hakyeon and in one smooth move, pulled his gym sweater off over his head.

Sanghyuk couldn’t help it; he gawked. Hongbin topless was a sight to behold – broad shoulders, perfect abs and chest, slim waist – but Sanghyuk had no idea why it was happening, and it was only when Wonsik’s jaw went slack at the sight and Taekwoon turned around and actually closed his eyes in consternation that it clicked.

“Shouldn’t have worn my winter training gear, I’m burning up,” Hongbin a.k.a. genius evil mastermind said, running both hands through his sweaty hair like he was in a male model photoshoot.

“Oh, is it stripping time?” Sungjae asked delightedly, totally missing the point, lifting up the hem of his own shirt and generously bestowing the sight of his pasty, soft body on all of them such that Sanghyuk had to laugh.

“Hyuk, you too!” Sungjae cried, galloping after Sanghyuk who immediately clamped the hem of his sweater down and made his escape, using Taekwoon as an obstacle to block Sungjae from grabbing him and forcing him into unwilling nudity. Taekwoon tried to pry both Sanghyuk and Sungjae off him, hitting out indiscriminately to remove the two madly giggling pests.

In the meanwhile, Hongbin had attacked Wonsik in the same spirit, Wonsik blushing to the gills and desperately trying to keep his sweater on and shyly avoid looking at Hongbin’s bare body at the same time. His face was flaming furiously by the time Taekwoon had managed to get rid of Sungjae and Sanghyuk and had grabbed Hongbin round the middle, hauling him away from Wonsik as Jaehwan watched, innocently laughing.

“Play nice,” Taekwoon said to Hongbin, smile on his face but warning in his eyes.

“You’re no fun,” Hongbin replied, winking, and Sanghyuk watched all this with the greatest respect for Hongbin blossoming rapidly in his chest. The man was _diabolical._

The game restarted, and where Hongbin had been previously terrifying now he was positively playful. He let Taekwoon and Sungjae in more, letting them take charge of the scoring, which left him free to play defence. Defence, which in this case consisted of a lot of pressing extremely close and grabbing Wonsik around the waist and teasing the other team with possession of the ball, grinning and laughing and being generally the biggest tease Sanghyuk had ever seen in his life. He was playing dirty _but adorably so_ , holding Wonsik back from scoring with a rascal shamelessness that Wonsik couldn’t help but laugh at and even planting a huge kiss on Sanghyuk in order to distract him when he was trying to pass the ball to Jaehwan, making Sanghyuk fall to his knees in self-declared defeat while Hongbin whooped in brazen delight and Jaehwan played along, raucously yelling a protest against such methods and making the most noise he could. Wonsik was weak with laughter and Taekwoon could only shake his head. So this was Hongbin at his most magnetic, and no wonder he had behind him a trail of broken hearts as far as the eye could see. The game was a mess – Sungjae was dramatically comforting Sanghyuk on the floor after being kissed by Hongbin, Sanghyuk pretending to be traumatised, and Wonsik was almost in tears laughing at Jaehwan and Hongbin mock-fighting over Hongbin’s cheating. Wonsik got up, still laughing hard, and barrelled into Hongbin, grabbing him and pulling him bodily away from Jaehwan, yelling at them to stop. Hongbin put up a token struggle before melting into Wonsik, raising dancing eyes to Wonsik’s and letting Wonsik hold him, Wonsik’s hands on his sweaty, warm skin.

Taekwoon turned back to look at Hakyeon, who was looking utterly resigned.  

*


	6. Chapter 6

Taekwoon supposed everything was going to go back to normal after their basketball game. It had been proven that Wonsik was still very much taken with Hongbin to Hongbin’s petty satisfaction, and during the post-game dinner Hongbin had artfully manoeuvred things so that he was sitting with Wonsik on the other side of Hakyeon and Taekwoon, Jaehwan stuck at the opposite end of their table with Sanghyuk and Sungjae. After about two hours of Hongbin’s undivided attention and being stuffed to the gills with grilled pork Wonsik was looking blissed out.

Taekwoon wondered why he’d even thought Jaehwan could somehow manage to fascinate Wonsik enough to undo the spell Hongbin had Wonsik under. Some things were just a fact of life, undeniable and unchangeable.

Hakyeon next to him heaved a sigh, unenthusiastically shoving meat into his mouth. Without a word Taekwoon patted his arm sympathetically, understanding the sentiment with which Hakyeon was stabbing pork with his chopsticks.

 _You know I don’t hate Hongbin, right? Like, I’m vvvv mad about what he’s doing, but I don’t hate him,_  came the message from Hakyeon once they were all home later that night, meaning Hakyeon was _still_ stewing about it.

 _Yeah. Wonsik’s just your baby. Don’t worry about it, not like I’m okay with how Bin’s behaving either._ Taekwoon typed back, the glow of his phone illuminating his face in the dark of his room.

_\- I rly don’t want to see him get hurt, and him getting hurt is the only way this whole story is going to end. Can’t you talk to Binnie? Make him just.. stop being an asshole?_

_\- Hakyeon, just the day before ytd Hongbin told me he didn’t care what Wonsik did and that he was glad Jaehwan’s around so Wonsik would stop hanging off him like always. And then you saw what happened today._

_\- He said that?! Bastard. Why can’t he just back off? He doesn’t want Wonsik but he doesn’t want anyone else to have him either. You know what maybe I do hate him._

_\- Are you saying Jaehwan wants Wonsik? There’s actually stg happening between them?_

_\- No, I don’t know. But there *could* be, if Hongbin would just STOP IT._

_\- I dunno, Hakyeon. I really have no idea what to do._

_\- -_______________- goodnight then. I’ll see you at 613 tomorrow._

Taekwoon pushed his phone under his pillow and rolled over onto his back. Hongbin was being a dick, that much was obvious, but Hongbin was also not stupid. He had to know he was in danger of completely ruining his closest friendship permanently if he didn’t stop playing with Wonsik like this, and Taekwoon internally shook his head at the thought that at the party the next day with the influence of alcohol and ridiculously loud music who knew what even more stupid decisions Hongbin was going to make.

Taekwoon remembered something and slid his phone out from under his pillow again, squinting at the bright screen once he unlocked it. He typed a quick message to Eunkwang and the other seniors from music society, begging off from their dinner tomorrow evening. Sanghyuk’s pout at Taekwoon’s earlier admission that he already had plans for Saturday night had weakened his resolve not to go to the 613 party, and plus now it looked like he was going to have to keep an eye on Hongbin and curb the damage the jealous idiot had the potential to cause.

 _When did I become a babysitter for demonic dongsaengs,_ Taekwoon wondered ruefully.

*

Taekwoon had never actually been to a 613 Saturday party all his years of living in the apartment below them and drinking their ‘sorry for being so noisy’ beer offerings they left outside his house on Sundays, so despite himself he was quite curious about the people who had started this west dorm block weekend institution. He knew they were girls, because the male and female floors alternated, and the first glimpse he had of the owners of 613 was a tanned girl with her crop top showing off a rather impressive stomach tattoo as she poured out shots at a table in a corner of the living room crowded with bottles of beer and plastic cups of liquor. The music was chill and the party wasn’t as crazy as he always thought it would be – mostly people in small groups talking and nursing drinks, but maybe the party hadn’t hit full swing yet.

He was called over to the sofa pushed up against the wall by a voice he recognised as Wonsik’s, and he tugged at Hongbin behind him to pull him in that direction until he could see that Wonsik, Hakyeon and Jaehwan had colonised the couch, spreading themselves out to save the extra space for Taekwoon and Hongbin. Jaehwan was perched on the arm of the sofa that Wonsik was leaning back on, effectively leaning back comfortably on Jaehwan; Taekwoon imagined he could feel Hongbin’s thorns start to bristle at the sight as Hakyeon scooted over close to Wonsik to make space. Hongbin sat down daintily next to Hakyeon as Jaehwan handed him a beer, which he took without saying a word.

“Where’s Sanghyuk? And Sungjae?” Taekwoon asked, accepting his own beer from Jaehwan and surveying whatever of the apartment he could see.

“They should be here soon,” Hakyeon answered, giving Taekwoon a subtle look.

Taekwoon knew what that look meant, and he tried to make sure he wasn’t sporting the same expression as they sat together and took in the party. They’d all thought Hongbin had made his claim clear at the basketball game, but clearly life, or at least life as far as it concerned Jaehwan and Wonsik, wasn’t playing by Hongbin’s rules. The way Wonsik was leaning back on Jaehwan and would ever so often turn back to say something quietly to him even while he was talking to Hongbin was almost something Taekwoon felt like he had to avert his eyes from while he waited for the Hongbin explosion to come. It felt – intimate. It made him nervous.

Strangely enough, Hongbin was being much quieter than usual, sitting slumped slightly and curved against Taekwoon like he needed the physical contact. There was no flirting, no dimples, no attempt to try to capture Wonsik’s attention. When someone talked to him he replied, and when they didn’t Hongbin just stared quietly out at the crowd, people-watching and sipping his beer. This, more than anything, was making Taekwoon more and more anxious; he found himself rubbing Hongbin’s arm as if to comfort him, and then dropped his hand at the ridiculousness of it.

Right on cue, Sanghyuk and Sungjae appeared in a burst of noise, and Taekwoon breathed a soft sigh of relief. Hopefully the two of them with their nonsense would help things from getting too awkward – Hongbin was acting like the wounded ex-lover and Wonsik was the bastard, rubbing his relationship with his new man in innocent Hongbin’s face. Sungjae and Sanghyuk brought over more than enough shots for everyone in two trips and Sungjae immediately suggested a drinking game, wasting no time.   

“We’re irresponsible college students dressed up all pretty and surrounded by alcohol,” Sungjae declared. “We should get drunk.”

“I’m very responsible,” Taekwoon grumbled. He shifted over, Sanghyuk wiggling himself into the last tiny bit of space on the sofa next to him and laughing when Taekwoon turned to give him an exasperated look. Hakyeon came back from the bathroom and sat down next to Taekwoon, Hongbin now sitting at the end of the sofa, Jaehwan, Wonsik and Sungjae having moved to sit cross-legged on the floor facing them. Sungjae started explaining the game which was basically a variant of scissors, paper, stone, only each move now was ‘kiss’ ‘hit’ and ‘drink’.

“You have to move fast round the circle. A and B play, then B and C, then C and D, and so on. You put out a number with one hand. Odd numbers are kiss, even numbers are hit, and five is drink. Whoever has the bigger number wins, and zero is bigger than five. The loser has to get kissed, or hit, or drink depending on what they put out. If both people put out the same thing then you both have to do the action.”

“How am I supposed to remember all of that?” Hakyeon started to complain, but Wonsik leaned up to smush a hand over his mouth to quiet him.

“The fun is when people get it wrong,” Sungjae grinned. “Then you have to drink. Ready??”

Sungjae started, and lost immediately to a wildly cackling Sanghyuk and had to finish a shot. Sanghyuk quickly turned to Taekwoon and won again in a second, already moving delightedly to flick Taekwoon on the forehead while Taekwoon protested loudly, trying to block him to the laughter of the others.

“I’m the hyung, how can he hit me?”

“It’s just a game, Taek,” Hakyeon said, laughing. He wasn’t laughing a few moments later when Taekwoon won his round with him and flicked him on the forehead, hard.

“Oh, I see how it is,” Hakyeon glowered, turning to Hongbin. Hongbin lost on his five to Hakyeon’s zero, and quietly downed the shot Sanghyuk pushed into his hands. The first kiss came next when Hongbin won against Jaehwan, and Taekwoon knew he wasn’t the only one holding his breath as Jaehwan stood to give Hongbin a quick peck on the cheek amidst cheering from the younger ones. Hakyeon next to him sighed as the game proceeded, and Taekwoon knew they were both fearing Jaehwan could have ended up with eyes scratched out or something. Hongbin hadn’t reacted to the kiss, his eyes downcast during it which the others, catcalling, took for shyness; Taekwoon was getting seriously worried.

Another two rounds and many of them were sporting red foreheads from being flicked, each winner trying to be more brutal than the last. Sungjae had gotten up to get more shots, and Taekwoon wondered if he was going to end up with more people passed out outside his apartment by the end of the night. More kisses had been handed out, too; Taekwoon had endured a soppy kiss from Hakyeon on his forehead and Sungjae had grabbed Sanghyuk to kiss him full on the mouth which had ended up with Wonsik nearly getting kicked in the face by Sanghyuk’s long flailing legs.

And then it happened, because of course it had to – Wonsik lost to Jaehwan, putting out a ‘kiss’ move.

Taekwoon stiffened, wanting so badly to look across Hakyeon to see Hongbin’s face. It was ridiculous – this whole thing was ridiculous – but he actually felt _sorry_ for Hongbin. 

Jaehwan whooped, Wonsik trying to hide his face in his hands, and Taekwoon tried to laugh just so that nobody would notice he was on tenterhooks. Hakyeon was smiling, too, and Taekwoon felt Sanghyuk rest a hand meaningfully on his shoulder as Sanghyuk waited to see what would happen. Taekwoon didn’t dare turn to look at Sanghyuk. Maybe if he pretended hard enough everything would be fine.

Jaehwan tipped Wonsik’s blushing face up by the chin and moved in to kiss him – a proper kiss, soft on the lips, and Taekwoon couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Jaehwan could have made it a joke kiss, played the fool; or just given him a short kiss on the cheek – but fuck, this was a _real_ kiss. Jaehwan kissed Wonsik once more before they both opened their eyes – they had closed their eyes! – and Jaehwan grinned his troublemaker grin at Wonsik blushing so hard he was totally red.

Taekwoon didn’t know what to do. This – this had gone too far.

“That’s it,” Sanghyuk was loudly declaring, pushing a protesting Sungjae’s face away. “You’ve given Sungjae ideas. I’m not sticking around for Sungjae to try to outdo that kiss if I lose the next round. I don’t want to play anymore.” Sanghyuk got to his feet as Jaehwan complained, Hakyeon also getting up to stretch and Taekwoon quickly doing the same. The game was effectively over, and Taekwoon had never felt a gush of gratitude this strong towards anybody as he did towards Sanghyuk in that moment.

He looked back at the sofa for Hongbin – but Hongbin wasn’t there. Taekwoon looked up quickly, just in time to see Hongbin vanish out the front door.

*

By the time Taekwoon had pushed his way out of the crowd and out the front door, Hongbin was nowhere to be seen in the corridor. Taekwoon checked their apartment, and downstairs, but he wasn’t there, Taekwoon cursing his ability to disappear so quickly. He decided to try the roof as a last-ditch idea, remembering that one time a few years ago they’d gone up there together with a very illegal blunt to make sure the smell of weed wouldn’t fill their apartment. They’d both felt sick the whole of the next day, and Taekwoon had made Hongbin soup. Taekwoon still remembered that.

Hongbin was indeed there, in a corner of the roof and looking up at the stars. He looked so small for a moment that Taekwoon’s heart panged a bit, looking at the idiot who had dug himself into this mess. Wonsik was always going to fall for someone else eventually, and Hongbin was always going to take it badly.

Taekwoon walked up and sat down next to him, Hongbin turning round sharply to see who it was.

“Oh, hyung, it’s you,” he said in welcome, and then went back to looking at the sky. Taekwoon didn’t know what to say, so he didn’t say anything. He just inched closer until their shoulders bumped and hoped his presence was comfort enough; they were quiet together like that for a long time.

“That was his first kiss, you know,” Hongbin finally said, and Taekwoon blinked at him in surprise. “He’s never kissed anyone. Or gone out with anyone. He’s still a virgin,” Hongbin said with a short laugh that sounded painful. “Because of me.”

Taekwoon put an arm around Hongbin, hoping it didn’t feel too condescending or pitying; Hongbin would hate that. He let Taekwoon’s arm stay over his shoulders, however, almost like he didn’t feel it.

“I always thought, in the end,” Hongbin swallowed, eyes looking suspiciously bright to Taekwoon’s alarm. “In the end, it would be me.”

“Bin,” Taekwoon said softly, watching Hongbin try to get himself back under control. “You don’t even feel the same way about him. Can’t you be happy he’s found someone else he may like?”

Hongbin didn’t answer, and Taekwoon pulled him closer to lean his head on Taekwoon’s shoulder. _This baby_ , Taekwoon thought.

“Am I so easily replaced, hyung?” Hongbin asked, voice small, laced with the threat of tears.

“Bin,” Taekwoon repeated. “He’s not a toy for you to own, to not want to share with others. He can’t live his whole life like this when you don’t return his feelings. Especially when you can be such a bastard about it sometimes.”

Hongbin pulled away to sit upright at that and Taekwoon slid his hand over to the back of Hongbin’s neck to gently smooth down the hair there, waiting for Hongbin to shrug him off. Hongbin allowed it, however, though he refused to look back at Taekwoon; Taekwoon suspected because he was firmly blinking back tears.

“I’m just saying not to do anything you regret before you lose him completely,” Taekwoon finally said. “He’s your best friend.”

“I don’t think he even wants me in his life anymore,” Hongbin said, voice wavering a little. “I ask him out or to come over and he’s always busy. Always with Jaehwan.” Hongbin’s voice turned hard at the name.

Taekwoon stood and held out his hand for Hongbin to take, and after a beat Hongbin took it, pulling himself to his feet and taking a deep breath. His lashes were wet but his eyes were clear – Hongbin had never been the crying sort.

“Binnie,” Taekwoon started, cocking his head at Hongbin. “Is this just about hurt pride, or is there another reason you’re so upset by all of this?”

“I don’t know, hyung,” Hongbin muttered, looking down at his feet. “I just – hate seeing them together.”

“Come on,” Taekwoon said, deciding to let it go. “Let’s go back. You feeling up to it?”

“Yeah, I’ll just go and get smashed then pass out outside the apartment for you to drag in,” Hongbin answered, turning to go. Taekwoon swung an arm over his shoulders again, catching him in a playful headlock while Hongbin put his own arm around Taekwoon’s waist, taking strength from his hyung.

“If when I get in there and they’re kissing again or something I won’t be responsible for what I do,” Hongbin declared once they’d walked down the stairs to the sixth floor.

“Don’t,” Taekwoon warned, letting Hongbin go as they walked into 613 once again. Hongbin spotted a friend from the basketball team and started in his direction, Taekwoon giving him an encouraging push and nod. He made his way back to the sofa, but none of the others were still there; he turned around, craning his neck, and with difficulty spotted Hakyeon laughing hard in a corner with a few girls, probably from his major. None of the others were anywhere to be seen until Taekwoon moved through the crowd to the drinks table to get himself another beer and he came face to face with Sanghyuk.

“Hyung,” Sanghyuk smiled happily, steadying himself with his hands on Taekwoon’s forearms.

“Where’s Sungjae?” Taekwoon asked, and Sanghyuk shook his head.

“Around.”

“For that matter, where’s Wonsik and Jaehwan,” Taekwoon murmured to himself. Sanghyuk was still smiling at him.

“You’re drunk,” Taekwoon proclaimed, and Sanghyuk nodded agreeably.

“Yup. I was just going to sit outside till my head cleared up.Come with me.”

“Was that what you were doing that night when you passed out in front of my house? Clearing your head?”

“I have no idea,” Sanghyuk turned back to tell him as Taekwoon pushed him towards the door. They took the lift down to the ground floor and when the cold night air hit them Sanghyuk gave a full-body shudder.

“Oh, it’s cold. Good.”

Taekwoon walked with him through the campus west dorm blocks, winding in and out of the little garden pathways that separated them and keeping an eye on Sanghyuk. Sanghyuk was rambling about ten different things at once, not really minding that Taekwoon wasn’t holding up his end of the conversation but just listening, amused.

“Kong sunbae is in love with Wonsik hyung,” Sanghyuk declared, absolutely certain, once they’d walked to the end of the blocks and turned around again.

Taekwoon looked at him out of the corner of his eye. “Kong sunbae?”

Sanghyuk beamed. “I am so glad you asked. So, so glad. It’s very amazing, and I thought it up all by myself.”

“What did you think up?” Taekwoon asked indulgently.

“Hongbin sunbae’s name is Hong and Bin. Bin sounds like ‘bean’ in English. Do you know English? I’m very good at English.”

“You are,” Taekwoon nodded.

“So bean in English, in Korean, I mean – yes, in Korean ‘bean’ is ‘kong’. So he is my Kong sunbae.”

“That’s very good,” Taekwoon told him, trying not to laugh and failing. “Have you told him his new nickname yet?”

“No, because he was off being sad. Right! Which brings me back to what I was saying. He’s in love with Wonsik hyung.”

“How are you so sure?”

Sanghyuk didn’t have the time to answer, however, because just at that moment he tripped over one of his feet and would have fallen into a rosebush if Taekwoon hadn’t caught him.

“You saved me,” Sanghyuk breathed adoringly, and then started giggling, wrapping an arm around Taekwoon to keep himself upright. “Damn it, why am I still drunk.”

“I should get you home. You can tell me your theories about Wonsik and Hongbin tomorrow,” Taekwoon said, and Sanghyuk nodded. “Have a hot bath and sober up.”

“That sounds really good,” Sanghyuk said as they walked back, Taekwoon pressing the button for level three while Sanghyuk leant back against the lift wall with his eyes closed. Sanghyuk led the way to his apartment, concentrating very hard on opening the door properly with his keys, but the moment he got the door open the both of them flinched at the sound of moans coming from within.

“Fuck,” Sanghyuk clamped hands to his ears and peered inside, seeing the entire apartment in darkness except for a low glow coming from Sungjae’s room, which also was where the moaning was emanating from.

Sanghyuk hurriedly closed the door and looked at Taekwoon, who was trying very, very badly not to laugh.

“Hyung, I’m sorry. I can’t go in there. I can’t listen to – him – doing – _that_.”

“Then what are you going to do?” Taekwoon asked, hands on his hips.

“Well,” Sanghyuk trailed off, and looked up at Taekwoon with puppy eyes. Taekwoon sighed, but the puppy eyes were unrelenting, and so he finally turned around, beckoning with his hand for Sanghyuk to follow.

He helped Sanghyuk up the stairs to level five, and Sanghyuk collapsed on the sofa once Taekwoon let them both into his apartment.

“My old friend,” Sanghyuk mumbled against the cushions.

“You are not passing out there again,” Taekwoon said, grabbing his hand and yanking him upright. “I’ll lend you something to wear, go and have a shower. I’ll make coffee.”

Taekwoon took his turn in the shower after Sanghyuk came out in Taekwoon’s clothes, soft and worn, and Sanghyuk found rich coffee waiting for him on the tiny dining table; by the time Taekwoon was done, towelling dry his hair, Sanghyuk was curled up on the sofa with his hands cradling the hot cup of coffee looking snug and warm and much less tipsy, his hair forming a fluffy helmet around his head.

“This is good,” Sanghyuk said, indicating the mug in his hands.

“Mm,” Taekwoon acknowledged, picking up his own mug and settling down on the sofa to drink it, tucking his feet underneath him. Sanghyuk blinked sleepily as he sipped, looking so comfortable he could have melted into the sofa.

The silence was companionable, and Taekwoon found himself feeling content after the drama of the night. All the people at the party, and then having to look after Hongbin – Taekwoon frowned slightly. He really hoped Hongbin wasn’t doing anything stupid, right this moment.

“What’s wrong?” Sanghyuk was asking, looking at him concernedly, and Taekwoon shook his head.

“Nothing. I’m just worried about Hongbin. Kong sunbae, I mean.”

Sanghyuk beamed at Taekwoon’s use of the nickname. “Where did he go?”

“You noticed?”

“Sure. I was watching him.”

“Thank you for that, by the way. For breaking up the game. Really. I was panicking.”

“You don’t look like you ever panic about anything,” Sanghyuk said, raising his eyebrows.

“I was. It was so _uncomfortable_. And Hongbin ran away to the roof, to answer your question.”

“Poor Kong sunbae,” Sanghyuk whispered, taking another sip of his coffee. “You can see it in the way he looks at Wonsik hyung sometimes when he doesn’t think people are looking.”

“Really?” Taekwoon raised sceptical eyes to Sanghyuk’s, wondering how someone who’d barely known all of them for a month could see something he’d never noticed.

“Yes,” Sanghyuk answered simply, holding Taekwoon’s gaze. “But I don’t think he really gets it, himself. Trust me, hyung. I’m really good at these things.”

Taekwoon shrugged, non-committal. “I don’t know what to do about him. I don’t think he knows what to do about himself.”

“Especially now Jaehwan hyung’s in the picture,” Sanghyuk agreed, finishing his coffee. “Kong sunbae better figure it out before it’s too late.”

Taekwoon collected their empty mugs and brought them to the kitchen to wash, Sanghyuk following him and exploring their cabinets, ooh-ing and ah-ing over their snacks. Then he found their ramen stash, which led to Taekwoon having to cook ramen for them to share; Sanghyuk inhaling most of it and Taekwoon watching, impressed despite himself.

“Full?” Taekwoon asked, mock-sarcastically once Sanghyuk had drunk the last of the soup.

Sanghyuk gave a contented sigh, smiling up at Taekwoon and patting his stomach. “Drinking always makes me hungry. We could go out for gopchang now, actually, if you want. I’ll pay, hyung.”

“At 1a.m.?” Taekwoon asked incredulously. “Don’t be crazy. Anyway, I’ve already showered so I’m not going out again.” He put the ramen pot in the sink with their chopsticks, a needling Sanghyuk following him.

“You can shower again once you get back,” Sanghyuk pleaded.

“No,” Taekwoon said.

“Please?” Sanghyuk smiled winningly.

“No.”

“Fine,” Sanghyuk gave up, pouting. “Then let me listen to some of your compositions.”

Taekwoon stalled, making a face.

“Oh, come on, hyung,” Sanghyuk complained. “You don’t want to go for gopchang, you don’t want to let me listen to your compositions, what kind of friendship is this?”

Taekwoon reached out to squeeze Sanghyuk’s neck in punishment, pushing Sanghyuk before him into Taekwoon’s bedroom to shut him up. Sanghyuk happily scrambled onto Taekwoon’s bed to wait as Taekwoon went to unplug his laptop from where it was charging in the corner and brought it over to the bed, finding a spot to get comfortable next to Sanghyuk. He told Sanghyuk to dig under his pillow for his earphones and plugged them in, agonising over which song to let Sanghyuk listen to. None of them were really finished, and some of them would have sounded better as a duet, plus he wasn’t sure the drum machine he’d used on some were quite what the song needed –

Sanghyuk impatiently took the laptop off Taekwoon’s lap and settled it on his own, his long legs stretched out before him and hanging off the side of the bed. Taekwoon tried to get it back but Sanghyuk blocked him, clicking on the first song on the list in Taekwoon’s ‘mine’ folder.

They listened together in complete silence, Taekwoon dying slowly inside.

By the time the song finished Taekwoon had covered his face with his hands and Sanghyuk had to tug them down, peeling off each finger until Taekwoon finally looked at him reluctantly. Sanghyuk’s face was serious, and Taekwoon didn’t know what that meant.

“What do you call that song?” Sanghyuk asked.

“’Words to say’,” Taekwoon answered, and Sanghyuk shook his head at Taekwoon slowly, as if he couldn’t believe something, his face still deadly serious.

“Do you have any idea how good that is, hyung?”

Taekwoon ducked his head, the way Sanghyuk was looking at him making him painfully self-conscious. “It still needs a lot of work. It’s not that good yet.”

“If I could sing like that-” Sanghyuk shook his head again. “You wrote all of it yourself? And played the piano for it?”

Taekwoon nodded, still not looking up.

“I’m going to learn the piano for that song,” Sanghyuk said decisively. “And you’ll sing it while I play for you.”

“It’s really not that-” Taekwoon started again, but Sanghyuk picked up Taekwoon’s pillow and threatened to hit him with it.

“Hyung, I swear I will lose it if you say again it’s not that good,” Sanghyuk put down the pillow and put in his side of the earphones again. “I want to listen to the rest.”

“You could help me refine them, if you wanted,” Taekwoon offered quietly once a few more songs had been played, and the _smile_ Sanghyuk gave him made something warm bloom in his chest.

They moved from that to listening to other music, Taekwoon showing Sanghyuk some of his favourite artists, sleepy Sanghyuk trying his best to stay awake but sliding further and further down the wall till he was lying in a loose L-shape, his legs still hanging off the side of the bed. Taekwoon took pity on him and went to close his bedroom door so Hongbin wouldn’t wake them when he came home in the middle of the night, and Taekwoon nudged Sanghyuk to make room for him to lie down too after he turned off his laptop and laid it carefully on the floor. He briefly contemplated sending Sanghyuk off home - surely Sungjae was done by now - but he didn't have the heart to move Sanghyuk when he looked so comfortable. If Sanghyuk turned out to be a snorer it was off to the couch with him.

He didn’t know when he’d dropped off to sleep, but a sudden drawn-out moan coming through the wall he shared with Hongbin’s room jerked Taekwoon awake. Hongbin rarely brought people home – he was generally really considerate about that, but it looked like this time was going to be different. A male voice, too – Taekwoon frowned a little, feeling like he knew the exact reason why Hongbin had chosen a guy tonight. He hadn’t heard Hongbin come in, and he hoped he wasn’t going to have to listen to the guy’s full vocal appreciation of how good Hongbin was in bed. He peered at Sanghyuk sleeping like the dead next to him, showing no sign Sanghyuk had heard anything at all.

There was no further sound from Hongbin’s room, however, and Taekwoon fell off to sleep again.

*


	7. Chapter 7

Taekwoon was awakened by an insistent bladder that refused to let him sleep any further without a trip to the bathroom, and he reluctantly opened his eyes to the sight of Sanghyuk sleeping in a position that wouldn’t be out of place in an interpretive dance routine. Suppressing a snigger at how cramped Sanghyuk’s going to be when he woke up, he heaved himself out of bed and opened the door, trying very hard to stay in the nebulous zone of not-really-awake so that he could hopefully easily fall back asleep after he relieved himself.

Someone was already in the bathroom when he padded his way to it, and he waited for either Hongbin or the guy he’d fucked last night to come out. He hoped it wasn’t someone he knew because he’d had enough awkwardness to last him a lifetime at last night’s party without coming face to face with someone he’d have to talk to in tutorials or music society, knowing at some point during the previous night they’d had Hongbin’s dick in them.

While waiting for his turn and trying to snooze standing up his mind wandered far enough for it to occur to him that before leaving he hadn’t contributed to 613’s party fund – he saw they kept a mason jar next to their door for people to drop in some money as a sort of ‘thank you’ for the alcohol presumably so the parties could keep going and the 613 girls weren’t bankrupted – and he cringed. _Maybe he could buy them some beer to make up for it._ The embarrassment at how rude it was to have just left the party like that had the unwelcome effect of sobering him up and by the time he heard the toilet flushing and the door unlocking he was regretfully totally awake. However, as it turned out, even if him worrying about not giving anything in return for the beer and shots he’d had last night hadn’t done the job of waking him up the sight of the person coming out of his toilet definitely would have.

“ _Wonsik?_ ” Taekwoon burst out, his voice cracking in his surprise.

Wonsik was wearing nothing but boxers – who even knew if they were his – and the moment he saw Taekwoon standing outside the bathroom he froze.

“Oh, hyung,” he said weakly, blush already starting up his neck. He swallowed and looked down at himself, but Taekwoon had beaten him to it. On his stomach there was – that was definitely – Taekwoon wanted to rewind time to two minutes ago when he didn’t know what dried come on Wonsik’s bare skin looked like. This wasn’t a thing he needed in his life. He didn’t even care _whose_ it was, he just did not need to have seen that.

“Hyung?” came Hongbin’s alarmed voice behind him, and Taekwoon was actually scared to turn around, fearing what he would see.

Thankfully, Hongbin had grabbed a shirt and was pulling it on, hiding whatever needed to be hid, if there was anything that needed hiding. He threw a shirt at Wonsik, who caught it and fumbled in his haste to put it on. Taekwoon was feeling an almighty mix of _Oh my god_ and _Hongbin, you did NOT_ and _Why did this have to happen to me_ and _Is this a good thing???_ and he didn’t know which one he was supposed to be feeling the most.

To make things worse, Sanghyuk chose that moment to shuffle out of Taekwoon’s room, rubbing one eye and looking generally adorably rumpled in Taekwoon’s clothes.  

“ _Sanghyuk?_ ” Hongbin said incredulously, turning in shock to Taekwoon. “Seriously?”

“Kong sunbae?” Sanghyuk mumbled, Taekwoon knowing that that would make no sense to Hongbin. “Oh, Wonsik hyung.” Sanghyuk blinked a little at all of them staring at him, and then the penny dropped.

“ _Oh_ , Wonsik hyung,” Sanghyuk said, his eyes going wide the same moment Taekwoon realised the conclusion Hongbin had jumped to.

“No, nononono,” Taekwoon blustered, holding a hand out towards Hongbin. “No, no, we didn’t – Sanghyuk just stayed the night – but _you_ did!”

Hongbin reached around Taekwoon to grab the Wonsik statue by the arm and pull him back into Hongbin’s room. “We’ll talk about this later, okay, hyung?” he said, indicating Sanghyuk with a meaningful look before shutting his bedroom door behind himself which Taekwoon thought was incredibly rich coming from someone who’d just done what Hongbin had done. He didn’t care if Hongbin thought Taekwoon had banged Sanghyuk – the main issue here was Wonsik and how the hell he’d ended up in Hongbin’s bed last night. Taekwoon remembered with a jolt the moan that had woken him up, hours before, and wondered how on earth Wonsik’s deep voice hadn’t been familiar to him.

He stared at Sanghyuk and Sanghyuk stared back at him, until Taekwoon remembered his bursting bladder and bustled into the bathroom with a curse.

*

Wonsik sat awkwardly on the edge of Hongbin’s bed as Hongbin stood fitfully in front of the closed door.

“Bin, sit down,” he said finally, reaching out for him and forcing him into a sitting position next to him. Hongbin moved away slightly once Wonsik let go of him, moving his leg that had inititally pressed into Wonsik’s own and Wonsik tried to swallow down the hurt.

“What’s the matter?”

Hongbin didn’t know what to say.

_People weren’t supposed to find out like this._

_I don’t know what to do with you now._

_Please leave._

_Please stay._

_Stay away from Jaehwan._

_You’re mine._

_This means nothing._

Hongbin took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. Of all the things to do, of all the fucking stupid things to do –

 

_Hongbin had watched Taekwoon leave with Sanghyuk more than two hours earlier, and the basketball friends he had been hanging out with had left too along with most people. A few small groups of people still stayed, nursing drinks and speaking in low voices, and Hongbin was trying very hard not to watch Jaehwan, Wonsik and Hakyeon who had gathered back on the sofa and were talking slow, their movements languid. Hongbin moved from the corner he was in, intending to toss his unfinished bottle of beer, go find the 613 girls – Hyorin and Soyou, who’d welcomed him earlier with warm smiles given how he was more or less a regular at their parties – and leave with his tail between his legs. He’d never felt so much like an outsider in his life._

_His overriding emotion was anger – anger at himself, anger at Jaehwan, anger at Wonsik, anger at Taekwoon for always being right. So now he was best-friendless, and he supposed losing Wonsik only now after more than three years was somewhat of a bonus. He’d stuck around far longer than Hongbin had expected, far longer than any of the others had done –_

_Hongbin wanted to growl at himself, frowning sharply and forcing himself to his feet. Self-pity was such an ugly look on him, and he knew deep down it was absolutely nobody’s fault but his own that he’d ended up like this. Always too quick to cut and run, always too prickly on purpose to really let anyone in; congratulations, Lee Hongbin! You win again._

_He wasn’t sure what he’d expected Wonsik to do. To grow old alone, waiting for Hongbin from year to year? Prove how much he loved Hongbin by waiting dumbly for acceptance that would never come? Taekwoon was right. Hongbin really was a bastard._

_Hongbin let his bottle drop into the big trash bag in the kitchen, the sound of the glass hitting harshly against other bottles utterly satisfying to him in his bitter mood. He couldn’t find the girls, however, and so he dug out a twenty to drop into the Party Jar and stepped into the corridor, making himself take a deep breath and just stop thinking, stop feeling. He would go home, shower, and then sleep off the alcohol, and then in the morning when he was feeling slightly better he would promise himself to leave Wonsik alone for good._

_The image of Jaehwan kissing Wonsik flashed across his mind’s eye once again and Hongbin tamped down savagely on the sinking pain in his chest._ This is your fault _, he told himself, over and over._

_“Binnie.”_

_Hongbin turned on the top step of the stairs, his heart sinking. Wonsik stopped a couple of metres away from him, and Hongbin could see he was probably just a couple of drinks away from being completely smashed._

_“Go back inside, Wonsik,”Hongbin forced himself to say. “I’ll see you some other time, okay?”_

_“Binnie,” Wonsik shook his head, stepping closer. “Are we okay? I know – I know things are weird-”_

_“We’re fine,” Hongbin smiled, knowing Wonsik was too drunk to see that his smile didn’t reach his eyes. “We’re okay. Don’t worry about it. Go back inside to Hakyeon and Jaehwan, I’m gonna go-”_

_“I’m sorry,” Wonsik blurted out, and the words died on Hongbin’s lips. “Hongbin, I’m sorry.”_

_It_ hurt _._

_“No, Wonsik, it’s me who’s sorry,” Hongbin said softly, not able to look away, and he knew it was the truest thing he’d ever said to Wonsik._

_Wonsik walked up to Hongbin and took Hongbin’s face in his hands before Hongbin could anticipate what he was going to do._

_“You look so sad,” Wonsik whispered, and Hongbin tugged at his hands, finding to his horror that the alcohol in his system was making him too vulnerable for all of this right now, tears pricking at the back of his eyes for the second time that night._

_“Wonsik, you’re drunk, let go,” Hongbin said, pulling Wonsik’s hands away and averting his face. Wonsik was too close._

_“I love you, Binnie,” Wonsik breathed, and Hongbin’s hands stuttered. “You know that, right? That I love you?”_

_Hongbin raised his head to look at Wonsik with wondering eyes; he couldn’t help it. Wonsik had never said it before – never outright, not like this. He said it in the way he looked at Hongbin, the time he spent with him, how he’d always put Hongbin first – but he’d never put it in words, never forced Hongbin to confront his feelings like this. Hongbin swallowed, looking into Wonsik’s face and knowing it was the alcohol talking. This was why people drunk-dialed their exes, why they confessed all manner of things after one too many drinks; alcohol made you honest and loosened your tongue. Unfortunately, Hongbin wasn’t drunk._

_“What about Jaehwan?” Hongbin asked after a moment, voice faltering._

_“No,” Wonsik shook his head firmly, “Just you. Only you. Always you.”_

_Hongbin, hating himself, leaned forward and kissed Wonsik._

 

“Do you want me to go?”

Wonsik’s voice broke into Hongbin’s thoughts, and Hongbin hated himself even more at the look of miserable resignation on Wonsik’s face. Hongbin had kissed him, brought him home, let Wonsik touch and kiss and do everything Wonsik had ever dreamed about for years, and when they were done he’d held Hongbin as they drifted off to sleep; but now in the harsh light of day it was the same as it had ever been. Hongbin gave, and Hongbin took away.

 _I can’t lose you._ “Wonsik-”

“It’s fine,” Wonsik said, getting to his feet and casting about for his clothes in order to distract himself from the horrible feeling welling up in his chest. “I – you know, you’d think after all this time I would have expected this.”

Hongbin’s head snapped up – Wonsik was never cruel – and Wonsik pressed the heel of his palm into one eye. His hangover was killing him, adding to the pain in his head. This hadn’t been Hongbin’s usual flirting, winks and smiles and lingering touches. This had _meant_ something, and the more Wonsik thought about it the more it was starting to hurt more than he could deal with right now.

“Wonsik, just let me think, okay-”

“Yeah, okay, you think,” Wonsik answered, feeling very tired. All Hongbin needed to do to fix this was to reach out and make him stay. Put out a hand, stop Wonsik from leaving; kiss him again, tell him it had meant something to Hongbin as well, that Wonsik hadn’t just been a pity fuck, or worse, just the latest notch in Hongbin’s bedpost. That Hongbin hadn’t taken advantage because Wonsik was easy, because Wonsik had been drunk and laid open and Hongbin was possessive and didn’t like sharing his things.

Hongbin stared at him from his position on the bed as Wonsik pulled on his jeans and buttoned them, knuckles almost white with how tightly he’d balled his fists, but he didn’t say a word.

Wonsik opened the door and walked out, hoping every step of the way that Hongbin would come after him. Any moment he’d feel Hongbin’s hand on his arm, pulling him back and telling him not to go – any moment.

He put on his shoes and his eyes snagged on the same pair of shoes Hongbin had sent him in a photo all those weeks ago – Sanghyuk’s shoes. Sanghyuk and Taekwoon hyung, huh?

Wonsik hoped they were doing better than he and Hongbin were, and closed the front door behind him.

*


	8. Chapter 8

_Hongbin kissed me._

_He’s done a lot of things before, like press up against me, hold my hand, play with my hair – all this just to get a rise out of me, I know – but this time, I didn’t –_

_Look, I know I was drunk. He’d been drinking too, and I didn’t know how drunk he was, but I think it’s safe to say I was much further gone than he was which is why I just ran out after him on impulse when I saw him leaving. He just leaned in and kissed me and I didn’t know what to do, or more like my brain and my body weren’t listening to each other anymore. I’d just told him I loved him, like a fool, but I already told you my excuse – I was drunk. I was drunk and he looked so sad and he was alone, and no matter how many times he’s hurt me in the past I still love him. That’s all. Judge me for it if you want._

_So when he kissed me I just blanked out for a moment. Can you blame me? And here’s the thing – it didn’t feel like a joke. He wasn’t teasing me, not this time. He kissed me like – like – I don’t know, like he was desperate for me. He clutched his hands tight in my shirt and kissed me like I was leaving him somehow and he was trying to keep me there with him. It felt so sad._

_I’ve always known Hongbin had issues about relationships, about people getting close. I never asked why, and maybe I should have. Maybe then I would understand better why, now, I’m sitting here alone in my bedroom and he’s alone in his, just barely half an hour after we woke up together after we had –_

_Part of me still can’t believe it. We slept together. Hongbin and I. I and Hongbin._

_I mean, on the whole, it was a pretty crazy night for me. First Jaehwan kissing me – honestly, I didn’t think I would actually lose when I put out that ‘kiss’ move, but when I did lose and he kissed me and I mean – wait, you should know something that I probably should have told you earlier, so you can understand better why I pretty much feel like I’ve been knocked sideways by a truck._

_Before tonight I’d never kissed anyone. I know that sounds incredible because I’m already twenty-two, but I honestly had never kissed anybody. In high school I just never met anybody I thought was worth kissing, until Hongbin, and I was so busy with practicing with my dance crew most days I had no time to date or whatever, even if I had found someone I’d wanted to go out with. And then, of course, Hongbin happened, and then as Hakyeon once put it I might as well have gone to be a monk. It’s just – you’ve seen Hongbin, right? How could anyone else compare? And we were so close in high school, too, we were always together. He was – is – my best friend. He was the only one I wanted to kiss, to date, to do anything with. Hakyeon says I have tunnel vision when it comes to Hongbin. No one else matters._

_So – first Jaehwan kissed me, and it was my first kiss ever, as amazing as that sounds. And Hongbin_ knows _that. I really didn’t know what to do, what to think in that moment. I mean, Jaehwan’s a pretty good kisser, though I don’t actually have much experience to work off of, obviously, but Hongbin was sitting right there. I really like Jaehwan, and for a few days I hoped I was falling for him, actually. I hoped so fucking badly, because believe it or not, I don’t actually want to spend my life miserably mooning over Hongbin. I liked him so much when I met him, and he’s so funny and he’s adorable, but as taken as I was with him I realised it was nothing like what I feel for Hongbin. Honestly, I was crushed. I_ wanted _to fall for Jaehwan. For someone I might actually have a chance with – and I tried so hard. I spent as much time as I could with him, even blowing Hongbin off in order to be with Jaehwan though I couldn’t believe I was doing that. It pissed Hongbin off, obviously, and when I realised he was jealous as hell about it I was actually_ flattered _and I knew I was still as stupidly in love with him as ever. I mean –_

_Sorry, I don’t know why I’m tearing up. Fuck._

_So. Jaehwan kissed me, and then Hongbin kissed me, and I’ve been dreaming about Hongbin kissing me for years. I’ve imagined it in so many ways – but all of them had Hongbin magically realising he felt the same way about me and the kiss would be this awesome movie-style fucking fairytale thing that was nothing short of perfect. Real life… wasn’t so perfect. And it was over so fast._

_But then he took my hand and pulled me after him, and when I realised where he was bringing me part of me was like, ‘no way’, right? But he brought me home and into his bedroom and kissed me again, and this time he mumbled my name against my lips. I know he thinks I didn’t catch it, but I did. And that’s what undid me. If there was a part of me that could have resisted that’s when that part gave up and went home, because he sounded like he wanted me, like he needed me. I know I’m the biggest fucking idiot on earth – Hakyeon is honestly going to kill me when he finds out – but. It’s Hongbin, saying my name against my lips as he kissed me. My Hongbin._

_I don’t really remember the details of the sex. I’m not bluffing – I really don’t, because it was over pretty quickly and I was focusing on all the most pathetic things – how his hair smelled, the way he shushed me when I got a bit too loud at one point: he held my face gently and said ‘shhh, Sikkie’. He hasn’t called me ‘Sikkie’ since we were, what? Sixteen?_

_I don’t even remember getting naked, for fuck’s sake. Anyway, he jerked us both off together, kissing me all the while. God, that sounds weird to say. Did it even really happen? Did last night actually happen?_

_I do remember waking up next to him this morning, though. I remember that very well._

_I woke up with the worst fucking head – I really drank more than I should have, last night. I turned over and there he was – we were both still naked, and there was soft light coming in from his window and he looked just –_

_God. I can’t do this –_

_He’s so beautiful. He’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen in my life. I don’t know how long I laid there, just looking at him. You know that feeling when your heart feels like it’s swelling up inside your chest? It’s the worst cliché. But that’s what I felt, looking at him. Like my heart was big enough to swallow the whole East Sea._

_I didn’t want him to wake up, because I knew there would be questions that would need answering, and I just wanted it all to just stay exactly the way it was. So nothing could spoil it, and I could just stay there forever looking at him and remember how his voice had sounded saying my name as he kissed me._

_But then I had to pee and then the whole fiasco outside with Taekwoon hyung and Sanghyuk happened – okay, digression, but_ wow, _Taekwoon hyung and Sanghyuk. I didn’t see that one coming, but in a way I kind of did too? Hyukkie’s really cute and they’ve been spending a lot of time together lately. Taekwoon hyung trying to deny it when Sanghyuk came out of his room wearing Taekwoon hyung’s clothes, hah._

_They’re cute. It’d be so nice if they end up together._

_But anyway –_

_The moment I saw Hongbin’s face I knew it was all over. I had even dared to hope that somehow, in some way, all my dreams were amazingly coming true and Hongbin_ had _magically realised that he was in love with me too, and now I can’t believe I was so dumb? How the hell would one drunken fuck change things? Even if he knew how I felt. Even if he knew I was a – virgin. There, I said it. Does it count if he didn’t actually fuck me? Oh, whatever, god, shut up, Wonsik._

_He was freaking out. I should have fucking known._

_So I went from coasting along somewhere in the clouds when I woke up and his face was the first thing I saw and he was snuggled up to me like he was aware of me, even in sleep, and he felt – safe – with me – wow, god, I am a deluded bastard – and from that I crashed hard all the way down because it was so clear in that moment when he had no fucking thing to say to me and wouldn’t stop me from leaving that I was, and still remain, absolutely nothing to him._

_I’ll be okay, honestly. I didn’t expect him to go this far? But. It’s nothing new, really. He needs now and then to re-affirm his hold on me. I guess it’s an insecurity thing. I don’t know._

_I’m done, though. I cannot –_

_I’m sorry – give me a moment, okay? I just – this fucking hurts. This just fucking – hurts._

_I’m done with him. I’m done with Hongbin._

*

Hongbin slowly lay down on his bed after he heard the front door close and turned to face his wall, the same one his room shared with Taekwoon’s. It was like everything was going in slow motion – his breathing, his heartbeat, his thoughts. Everything was stuck in molasses.

He focused on his breathing. In, out. In, out. He felt strangely dead.

*

Taekwoon pulled back a little from where his ear had been pressed against his bedroom door and looked at Sanghyuk who was hovering nearby, clutching his arm in concern.

“I think Wonsik just left. The door just opened and closed, at any rate.”

“Maybe they left together? To go get breakfast?” Sanghyuk asked hopefully. Taekwoon shook his head.

“This is bad,” Taekwoon said, sitting down on his bed, Sanghyuk trailing after him. “Hongbin was – not happy to see me. Or rather he wasn’t happy I’d seen _him_ , him and Wonsik.”

Sanghyuk nodded, and then was silent beside him for a while as if debating or not whether to speak. He looked at Taekwoon out of the corner of his eye before he opened his mouth.

“Hyung. Kong sunbae thinks we – last night. Us.”

“Oh, uh, yeah,” Taekwoon said, jolted out of his worries about Hongbin and Wonsik. “Well, I guess since – you’re wearing my clothes – and we, um, slept in the same bed.”

His voice had trailed off to almost inaudible by the end of the sentence and a supremely awkward silence descended, Taekwoon becoming very interested in his own hands and avoiding looking at Sanghyuk.

“Well, I should – get changed and go?” Sanghyuk said after a while, before the silence got too unbearable. “Thanks for, uh, you know. And let me know what happens with Kong sunbae.”

“Nosy,” Taekwoon said weakly, wondering why on earth he was so embarrassed.

Sanghyuk stood up and scooped up his clothes, hesitating for a moment as Taekwoon observed him clearly wondering if he should change there or go to the bathroom, not wanting to make a big deal out of it because things between them were _platonic_ , they were obviously _just friends_ , and there was nothing wrong with him changing in front of Taekwoon –

Sanghyuk cleared his throat and opened the bedroom door, heading for the bathroom. Taekwoon covered his face with his hands feeling how warm his cheeks were with horror.

Sanghyuk came back in after a few minutes and gave Taekwoon back his shirt and shorts, noting that while he was away Taekwoon had put on the headband he’d stolen from Hongbin to keep his sleep-messy fringe out of his eyes. Sanghyuk didn’t know if Taekwoon truly needed the headband or it had just become a habit by then, but Sanghyuk felt a smile coming on at the sight of it because of the memory of the nagging Taekwoon had gotten from Hongbin the last time Hongbin had seen him wearing it and Taekwoon’s completely shameless disregard.

“I like how that looks on you,” Sanghyuk said, still smiling, and then froze at how it had come out, given the awkwardness still hanging in the air. “Uh, I mean – it’s cute – um.”

Taekwoon felt the heat in his cheeks go up another notch and resolved to go throw himself out of the window once Sanghyuk left.

He saw Sanghyuk out, and when he realised he was still clutching the clothes Sanghyuk had worn last night he quickly went to throw them into the dirty clothes hamper. _Don’t let things get weird. Please, don’t let things get weird._

Taekwoon sighed a big sigh, giving himself a full mental shakedown to get rid of the residual awkwardness that still clung to him like an overly-attached ex and went to retrieve his phone from where he’d left it charging on his side of the desk last night. To his alarm he saw he’d missed seven calls from Hakyeon; Hakyeon had also left him – god, eight texts – and he opened them in a hurry.

_TAEK WHERE IS WONSIK IS HE AT YOUR PLACE GOD I HOPE HE ISN’T_

_I SAW BIN LEAVE 613 AND THEN I COULDN’T FIND WONSIK_ _AND HE ISN’T ANSWERING MY CALLS_

_JUNG TAEKWOON YOU BETTER NOT BE FUCKING SLEEPING_

_I HAVE A REALLY BAD FEELING ABOUT THIS_

_Taekwoon. There better be a really good reason why Wonsik only just came home and LOCKED his door._

_TAEKWOON!!!!! WAKE. UP._

_Oh my god Wonsik just told me was with Hongbin the whole night Wonsik looks like the sky just came crashing down on him I’m going to fucking murder Hongbin I don’t know what he did but I’m going to kill him_

_Jung Taekwoon you are the next person I’m going to murder CAN YOU WAKE UP FOR GOD’S SAKE_

Taekwoon hurriedly dialled Hakyeon’s number and Hakyeon picked up before the second ring barely started.

“FINALLY.”

“Hakyeon. I think they – did Wonsik tell you? I think him and Hongbin – they actually did it. Well I don’t think, it was pretty obvious,” Taekwoon said, wincing as he remembered the dried come on Wonsik’s stomach.

“You better be fucking kidding me.”

“I think they may have fought. Before Wonsik left.”

“That much is obvious,” Hakyeon said grimly. “Taek, did you fuck Sanghyuk?”

“I – _what?_ ”

“Wonsik told me.”

“We didn’t! He just stayed the night! Wait – how the hell are we suddenly talking about me and Sanghyuk, you were just yelling about Wonsik and Hongbin!”

“He stayed the night? Since when do you hold sleepovers?”

“Hakyeon, if you don’t stop this I’m going to hang up.”

“Fine. I’m going to interrogate Wonsik. You go work on Satan.”

“Easier said than done,” Taekwoon sighed as Hakyeon’s line went dead, and he trudged outside to Hongbin’s closed door.

_Here we go._

*


	9. Chapter 9

_How many ways can you fuck up a relationship?_

_One: use them to boost your own self-esteem. Two: play fast and loose with their feelings. Three: take them for granted. Four: never address the fact that you hurt them. Five: fuck your best friend who’s in love with you and then make him leave the next morning, letting him think a drunken fuck is all it was._

_He’s never going to want to see me again; much less continue being my friend. And he’d be right to. I don’t know what kind of person treats their best friend this way but apparently that person is me._

_Why did I do it? Why did I –_

_I keep doing this shit to him, expecting him to just take it and be okay, keep being by my side. And after he told me loved me. God, he told me he loved me._

_It’s not like I don’t know, it’s not like the whole world doesn’t know. I like that, a lot. I like that people around us know he's in love with me, that I am his number one and he’s been in love with me forever and no one else can measure up to me in his eyes. And for a while I thought Jaehwan had managed to steal him away but no, last night he told me it was still me he loved. It was still me._

_He’s not the only person ever to tell me they were in love with me. But I think he’s the only person who really meant it, because after years of me jerking him around he still loved me all through it._

_What am I going to do? What am I going to do if he never wants to see me again, if he doesn’t want to talk to me? How am I going to fix this?_

Hongbin looked up at his bedroom door opening to see Taekwoon come in, wearing a determined expression, and Hongbin let his head thunk down onto the mattress again.

“Go away, hyung,” he said, studying the wall.

Taekwoon stubbornly shuffled onto the bed, back to the wall, and lifted Hongbin’s head gently so he could place it on his thigh; finally letting one of his hands rest on Hongbin’s hair. He didn’t say anything.

“Hyung, I said go away,” Hongbin repeated, throat tightening, but neither one of them made a move.

“You’re not okay,” Taekwoon said softly, and Hongbin wanted to laugh. He deserved everything he was feeling right now. Wonsik didn’t.

“What happened?” Taekwoon asked, tone light like he was asking about the latest episode of Cheese in the Trap, and he began to stroke through Hongbin’s hair the way he always did when he knew Hongbin was upset. It was too much, this gentleness, when gentleness was the last thing Hongbin deserved from anyone right now.

“I said leave!” Hongbin sat up, his voice unsteady because of huge sobs he couldn’t hold back. It infuriated him that he was crying, made the block in his chest heavier, sharper; he pushed at Taekwoon, trying to get Taekwoon away from him and fully aware he was acting like a child.

But Taekwoon was unmovable as a rock and so Hongbin got up instead, heading for the door and dashing the tears away with a rough hand. If he needed to cry and get it all out he wanted to do it where no one could see him; Taekwoon being there made it all worse.

Taekwoon stood in a hurry and grabbed at him, alarm clearly showing on his face.

“Hongbin, _tell me_ ,” he demanded, but Hongbin just went limp in his grasp.

“Hyung, please,” Hongbin whispered hoarsely with his eyes closed, humiliated and hating himself.

He could feel Taekwoon hesitate, but finally Taekwoon let go and left him, closing Hongbin’s door quietly behind him.

_Maybe I should have told him. Just let it all out and cry like a baby and let him hold me. Taekwoon likes being able to act the hyung._

_I’d never be able to get it out, though. I’d just cry and feel stupid and when the tears are done I would still feel like shit and Wonsik would still hate me. And I’m afraid once I start crying about this it’s going to be too hard to stop so I’d rather just not start. I hate crying. It doesn’t solve any fucking thing._

_Breathe, breathe, breathe. Now I’ve got a headache._

_I need to fix this. I need to make it up to him somehow – make him come back to me. Promise him I’ll never fuck up again. Tell him that I too feel – no._

_What Wonsik needs from me is for me to stay away from him._

*

Taekwoon sat on his bed, worrying his lower lip between his teeth and waited from the text from Hakyeon that he knew would come eventually. He felt a strange sense of déjà vu from the party last night – him going to comfort Hongbin who was upset about Wonsik but at least more open and calm about it, versus what just happened – Taekwoon shook his head though no one was there to see it. Hongbin was still upset over Wonsik, but now completely closed-off and clearly Not Okay on a major scale.

Taekwoon felt restless. He didn’t know what to do; he knew Hongbin was an idiot when it came to emotions but this time it seemed – worse. Maybe Sanghyuk was right. Maybe Hongbin really did have feelings for Wonsik –

His phone vibrated. Taekwoon took a deep breath and braced himself for more textual yelling.

_They really did sleep together, Taek. Wonsik told me everything. Did you talk to him?_

Taekwoon took another deep breath, long-suffering this time. _I didn’t have a chance. He chased me out of the room. But he’s not okay. He’s hurting really bad and he won’t tell me why._

_-What do you mean *he’s* hurting?!_

Taekwoon could almost hear the caustic disbelief in Hakyeon’s voice and bristled slightly, protectiveness coming to the fore before he could help it. Even he had to admit that given Hongbin’s track record with Wonsik, the perpetrator of this whole thing was pretty much likely Hongbin and Hongbin alone. That didn’t change things, however, and it didn’t mean Hongbin couldn’t be hurting despite whatever he’d done this time.

_-He is, Hakyeon. He was almost sobbing trying to get me to leave him alone._

_-That’s rich, coming from him. Anyway. Apparently Hongbin kissed Wonsik last night outside the party, then took him home and they did you-know-what. And this morning they got caught by you and Sanghyuk? And Hongbin freaked, and Wonsik says it was obvious Hongbin just wanted him gone. So he left and Hongbin didn’t stop him. So what’s Hongbin got to be upset about? He got what he wanted. And now Wonsik’s more broken up over him than ever._

Taekwoon closed his eyes for a moment, heart sinking.

 _Look, I’m telling you. There’s more to it than the usual possessive Hongbin thing_ he started to type, but then erased it. Hakyeon had no sympathy for Hongbin, and he wasn’t wrong to feel that way. Taekwoon wasn’t about to change his mind about what had happened this time.

Taekwoon heard the sound of Hongbin’s bedroom opening and then quick footsteps to the main door, keys, the sound of the shoe cabinet door squeaking, and then the tight slam of the apartment door.

_Ugh, Lee Hongbin. What on earth are you doing?_

He looked at his phone and knew Hakyeon would chew him out later for not replying but he exited their chat and almost instinctively looked for Sanghyuk’s name in the list, only catching himself a moment later. Sanghyuk had only just left – would he think Taekwoon messaging him so soon meant – meant _what_ , Taekwoon thought sourly at himself, and put down his phone. He’d wanted to tell Sanghyuk what happened, since Sanghyuk had asked, _anyway_ , and Sanghyuk would tell him what he thought, and they could talk about it –

Taekwoon let himself fall onto his side and smushed his face into his pillow. That’s it. Things had officially gotten weird.

 _Forget Hongbin. What are_ you _doing, Jung Taekwoon?_ he thought, and lifted his head long enough to check the time, giving a short laugh when he saw it wasn’t even 9 o’clock yet. All this nonsense was too much to take this early on a Sunday morning, he decided, and got back into bed properly.

Maybe Sanghyuk would message him first.

*

“Sanghyuk,” Sungjae announced before Sanghyuk had barely gotten in the door.

Sanghyuk looked up from where he was toeing off his shoes and saw Sungjae standing dramatically in the doorway of his room like he was making his grand entrance in a musical. “Sanghyuk, before you tell me where you’ve been all night I need to tell you something first. I’m in love.”

“Is the unlucky lady the same lady you were banging so enthusiastically last night I couldn’t bear to step into the house and only had a place to sleep because Taekwoon hyung took pity on me?” Sanghyuk said smoothly, walking past Sungjae’s gobsmacked face and into his own room for fresh clothes.

“You – you heard us?” Sungjae demanded, following. “When did you come home?”

“I don’t know, man, sometime between where you started and ended,” Sanghyuk stripped off his shirt and jeans, highly aware how Sungjae wouldn’t bat an eyelid at seeing him in his underwear but Taekwoon had seemed like he would have blushed himself into oblivion if Sanghyuk had done the same in front of him earlier. Interesting.

He grabbed a fresh home shirt and told Sungjae to close his eyes for a moment while he changed into new boxers – general almost-nudity was fine but Sanghyuk drew the line at total nakedness – and put on his shirt, Sungjae already opening his eyes and starting to rattle away about the girl he’d met at the party last night.

“I’m seeing her later tonight,” Sungjae crowed, clasping his hands together reverently. “She’s a goddess. A fairy. A-mazing.”

“What’s amazing is that she agreed to see you again after sleeping with you,” Sanghyuk couldn’t resist retorting, Sungjae trying to bite him without missing a beat.

“She’s too good for me, it’s true. I’m trying not to question it too much,” Sungjae sat down with Sanghyuk on their sofa. “You have to help me decide what to wear. And where to go.”

“What’s this wonder woman’s name?” Sanghyuk smiled, casually checking his phone to see if he had any messages; he wondered what was going on with Hongbin and Wonsik hyungs and if Taekwoon hyung had managed to find anything out yet. Surely, by now-?

“Sooyoung,” Sungjae breathed, worshipful. “Or ‘Joy’. She is the _Joy_ of my life. I’m going to marry her.”

Sungjae rolled his eyes. “Do you mind running it by her first before you start making downpayments on your future house?”

Sungjae waved away Sanghyuk’s scepticism with an impatient hand. “She’s the one for me, Hyukkie. No one else will do now.”

“Well… congratulations?” Sanghyuk couldn’t help but laugh, secretly feeling sorry for the earth-goddess named Sooyoung; she had no idea what she’d just gotten herself into. He hoped she’d at least had a good enough time in bed with Sungjae last night to make up for the very enthusiastic wooing she was going to have to deal with in the very immediate future.

“You should fall in love too,” Sungjae said, poking Sanghyuk with his foot. “It’s so lonely being in love all by myself. Go find someone who can stand your pasty face.”

“Maybe I already have?” Sanghyuk countered immediately. “Maybe that’s who I was with all night?”

“Taekwoon hyung?” Sungjae asked, confused.

“ _What?_ ”

“You said just now you only had a place to sleep ‘cos Taekwoon hyung took pity on you, which I took to mean you crashed at his place, so…”

Sanghyuk blinked. “Well. I was joking, I didn’t mean-”

“You’re blushing!” Sungjae sat up and pointed an excited finger at Sanghyuk’s face. “Oh my god, Hyukkie, you have a crush on Taekwoon hyung.”

“Shut up, Jae,” Sanghyuk deadpanned, giving his very best unimpressed face. “It was a _joke_. I forgot I’d already told you where I was the whole night.”

“Hmph,” Sungjae said, lying back down on the sofa and trying to stretch his legs out beside Sanghyuk. “You should go date him anyway. You haven’t dated any boys since your Great Bisexual Awakening.”

“One, I really don’t think he swings that way and two, I think he pretty much just sees me as a dongsaeng, anyway.”

“Tch, you’re selling yourself too short. You could seduce him. Use your,” Sungjae fumbled for a bit. “-Cheekbones, use your cheekbones.”

Sanghyuk just gave him a Look signalling the topic was over and found himself checking his phone again. What was taking so long?

Well, if the gossip wouldn’t come to Mohammed, Mohammed would have to go to the gossip.

_hyung, what’s happening? did you talk to kong sunbae?_

*

Taekwoon’s phone vibrated just as he was getting comfortable enough to fall asleep again and he contemplated not checking the message, sure it was just Hakyeon yelling at him for not replying earlier. But something made him pick up his phone, something he didn’t want to pay too much attention to right that moment.

It was Sanghyuk, not Hakyeon.

_hyung, what’s happening? did you talk to kong sunbae?_

Well, this was fine. Sanghyuk had messaged him first, so he didn’t have to worry that Sanghyuk would feel Taekwoon was being clingy, or that Taekwoon _missed_ him already, or anything terrible like that – this was wonderful. Everything was okay. Taekwoon breathed a sigh of relief.

_-Kind of? It was pretty bad, he was crying and asked me to leave._

_-really??? what did he say???_

_-Not much, but it’s clear he’s really upset. And Hakyeon told me basically he made Wonsik leave this morning, was cold to him or something. So I have no idea what he thinks he’s doing._

_-omggggg. why won’t he just tell wonsik hyung he feels the same way!_

_-There you go with that theory again._

_-i’m RIGHT. kong sunbae isn’t that big an asshole to want to keep wonsik hyung around like this if he didn’t feel stg for him. TRUST ME HYUNG._

_-You’ve known Hongbin a month!_

_-more than a month! and i told you, i’m really good with these things. i’m Observant._

_-Well, whatever it is, I think Hongbin really screwed up this time. I mean, to actually sleep with Wonsik.._

_-hyung, you don’t mind that you’re telling me all this, right?_

Taekwoon blinked.

_-Well, no. I don’t mind._

_-okay. cos i know i haven’t known you all that long, so maybe you might not think it’s okay i’m asking you about all of this._

_-It’s okay. I wouldn’t tell you if I didn’t think I could trust you._

Sanghyuk smiled absently reading the text, and didn’t stop smiling as he typed the next few words.

_-and also because you reallllllllllly like talking to me, right?_

_-Idiot._

Taekwoon sent the message, half-grin on his face.

*


	10. Chapter 10

“So Halloween is coming,” Hakyeon said casually in between spoonfuls of his rice, and Taekwoon took the trouble of halting his chewing for a moment in order to make a very important declaration.

“No.”

“No, what?” Hakyeon demanded, consternation clearly showing on his face, as if forcing Taekwoon to dress up in an animal onesie to go along with all the others to last year’s big Halloween party thrown by Wonsik’s college dance crew (‘See, Taekwoon, we’re a complete set! You _have_ to wear the hamster one, Taek, do you want to spoil everything?’) was a beautiful memory the four of them shared. At the very least, three of them shared it, and one of them violently repressed it.

Taekwoon didn’t even bother to reply, chewing as if Hakyeon hadn’t spoken. No more animal onesies. No more Halloween parties. Ever.

“If you don’t go this year you’re not going to be able to see me dress up as Barbie,” Hakyeon wheedled, and Taekwoon reared backwards, almost forgetting he was sitting on a canteen bench with no back to catch him if he moved too far.

“Of all things,” he spluttered, forgetting his policy not to talk to Hakyeon about anything Halloween-party related. “Why Barbie?”

“You’ve never seen me in drag, have you?” Hakyeon said, gloriously smug. “Just wait. I’ll blow your socks off.”

“I’ll be sure not to wear any,” Taekwoon muttered, going back to his noodles. “Don’t you need a Ken?”

“Way ahead of you. Jaehwan.” Hakyeon grinned.

Taekwoon shook his head, deciding he didn’t want to know. It niggled at him, because for all his protests he knew he’d be dragged along to the party by Hakyeon anyway and if everything was normal it’d probably be Hongbin and Wonsik going together with matching costumes like they did the year before Hakyeon’s terrible animal onesie idea. Taekwoon would have been bullied into wearing something matching Hakyeon – for this one thing he fervently thanked Jaehwan for existing – and the four of them would have gone, gotten drunk and had a reasonable amount of fun. But now… Hongbin and Wonsik weren’t speaking and the whole thing was just wrong; him and Hakyeon wouldn’t even be friends if not for Hongbin and Wonsik, who’d introduced the two older ones they’d gotten as roommates once they’d been randomly assigned their dorm rooms by the system. Taekwoon didn’t know how long Hakyeon was going to pretend everything was alright.

“So what are you and the bae going to go as?” Hakyeon asked, and Taekwoon’s chopsticks slowed down on the way to his mouth, Taekwoon repressing as many homicidal urges as he could.

“Hakyeon,” he began, as measured and calmly as he could. “This is the last time I’m going to tell you. One, stop trying to use slang words in order to look cool and young. Two, Sanghyuk is not my bae – the bae – a bae-”

Hakyeon opened his mouth to jump in and correct him but Taekwoon quickly spoke over him. “ _Whatever_. He is not. We are not. Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?”

“When are you going to invite me for a sleepover too then?”

Taekwoon just glared. Hakyeon, unfazed, scooped up his last grains of rice. “Tell you a secret.”

“What?” Taekwoon said, aiming for snappy.

“Jaehwan’s going to ask Wonsik out.”

*

Hongbin walked within the group, listening to the chatter and banter being thrown back and forth around him and he felt truly relaxed like he hadn’t been in a week. It was easy with his basketball people, not because they knew him really well but because they _didn’t_. He didn’t really have to think around them, could just smile and be charming and funny and laugh along with their jokes and it was easy enough to pretend that everything hadn’t actually gone to shit. He had no time to think about Wonsik when he was busy being a normal jock.

Taekwoon hyung at home was helping too; he knew Hongbin didn’t want to talk about it so he just made sure there was always Hongbin’s favourite things to eat in the fridge or on the stove, both cooked and bought – his own way of babying Hongbin and making Hongbin feel better. Taekwoon could truly be such a mom sometimes, and Hongbin was really grateful for it though a part of him still felt guilty Taekwoon was treating him so well. He didn’t deserve it.

And as for his promise – he’d kept it.

He hadn’t texted Wonsik, hadn’t gone to Wonsik’s work, had purposely avoided the corridors and canteens he knew Wonsik would be in in between classes. It had been a week, and he’d managed to keep such a tight rein on himself he was absently quite amazed at his self-control. It was the only thing he had to comfort himself with from the fact that in the face of Hongbin’s silence Wonsik hadn’t tried to contact him at all. He’d thought – maybe after a day or two, when Hongbin hadn’t tried to reach out, Wonsik would have done so instead, if only to yell at him – but there’d been nothing. It hurt more than Hongbin was prepared for, but he embraced the pain a touch sadistically. _You did this_ , he reminded himself every time it got a little too hard to ignore. _This is on you._ At least Hakyeon hyung would be happy, he thought, petty as it was. He knew Hakyeon had never really liked him.

“Hongbin!” a voice called out from behind him, and when Hongbin recognised it he tried to walk faster, but there was no hurrying a group of seven people altogether.

Jaehwan caught up with them and called out again. “Hey, Hongbin, I need to talk to you for a sec.”

Hongbin steeled himself and turned around, letting his friends flow past him with assurances that he’ll see them at the canteen they were heading to. Once alone, Hongbin schooled his features into absolute neutrality and looked at Jaehwan, trying to appear as blank as possible even though his heart was pounding. What was this about?

“Yeah?” Hongbin asked shortly, wondering if he should go for insolent or intimidating, knowing Jaehwan must certainly know already what had happened and the urge to _hurt_ Jaehwan somehow not having lessened from the night he’d had to watch Jaehwan kiss Wonsik. ‘Yeah, I’m a bastard and I don’t give two fucks’ or ‘You got a problem with me, asshole?’ – which would work better?

Jaehwan was smiling easily, however, and if Hongbin could growl, he would have.

“Listen, I have something to check with you,” Jaehwan started, still smiling. “I’m going to ask Wonsik out on a date and I want your word you’re not going to do anything stupid.”

All power of speech left Hongbin, leaving him to belatedly exhale sharply in disbelief.

“I think you know what I mean,” Jaehwan continued, still casual like he was discussing the weather. “I don’t want to have to deal with you throwing a tantrum over it. So if you could just… not?”

Hongbin subconsciously registered respect for this guy’s nerve while the rest of him was screaming for blood. He didn’t realise he’d clenched his fists as if he was contemplating hauling away and hitting Jaehwan – he’d laid Jaehwan out before, he could do it again –

“Fine,” Hongbin bit out, setting his jaw. “I won’t.”

Hongbin turned and walked away in a blind direction, just so long as it got him away from Jaehwan. Wonsik deserved better. Jaehwan clearly cared enough. Wonsik deserved better. Wonsik deserved better.

At the last moment he sharply changed direction from the canteen where his friends were waiting for him and started walking in the direction of the gym instead. He needed to fucking punch something.

*

“Hi,” Jaehwan pushed himself off the wall he was leaning on waiting for Wonsik after his last class of the day, his smile taking over his whole face the moment he saw Wonsik come out of the lecture theatre.

“Hey,” Wonsik smiled back, a little shy and unsure. This was actually happening – he was going on a date, a _date_ with Jaehwan, who was apparently interested in him, and they were going on a date. A date. They were going to eat dinner and then walk around Hongdae, on their date. _Date._ It all felt utterly alien to him – going on a date (a date???) with someone that wasn’t Hongbin. He’d never even contemplated the possibility before. But that was then, and this was now, and Hongbin – Hongbin had made it clear there was nothing more he wanted from Wonsik, not even his friendship.

It seemed like Jaehwan could sense his awkwardness, because Jaehwan was talking even more than usual and trying his best to make Wonsik laugh, which honestly wasn’t really hard to do – Jaehwan was hilarious and Wonsik adored that about him. Little by little Wonsik started to relax, started to get used to Jaehwan’s smiles turned on just for him. It felt – strange. It felt _good_.

Jaehwan brought him to one of his favourite pasta places and they ordered way too much, the menu too tempting – the waiter gave them both a look once he’d delivered all their food, Jaehwan giggling uncontrollably at his disapproving face. They’d managed to finish pretty much all of it too, but that just meant that they were both stuffed uncomfortably full as they meandered around Hongdae, watching the buskers and soaking up the noise and the people. Jaehwan was easy to talk to. Everything about Jaehwan was easy – easy smiles, easy laughter, and when Jaehwan looked at him Wonsik had the almost-indescribable feeling there was no one else Jaehwan was seeing, in that moment. His honest attention was purely on Wonsik, and that was something Wonsik had never experienced before. It was flattering, sure, but more than that – it was something Wonsik had never had from Hongbin.

Wonsik couldn’t help feeling guilty, mentally comparing every single thing Jaehwan did to how Hongbin did it, but as the evening wore down and they were finally walking back to their dorm Jaehwan did something else Hongbin had never done.

Jaehwan quietly slid his hand into Wonsik’s, entwining their fingers smoothly and grinning when he saw Wonsik’s taken-aback gaze on him.

“Just one minute more like this, okay?” Jaehwan said, winking at him.

Wonsik swallowed and looked straight ahead, embarrassed for some reason. Jaehwan liked him enough to hold his hand. To want to hold hands, to keep holding hands – Jaehwan wanted to hold his hand. Wonsik was blushing hotly and he didn’t even know why.

They went up to their apartment together, Jaehwan walking Wonsik mock-seriously to his bedroom door like they weren’t both living in the same house and for a panicked moment Wonsik thought Jaehwan was going to kiss him goodnight – that’s what happened, didn’t it, at the end of dates? There was the goodbye kiss? Though it would mostly just be ‘goodbye for a few seconds’ since they both had to share only one bathroom anyway and they needed to shower.

But Jaehwan just bowed very solemnly at him, once more making Wonsik laugh.

“Thank you for tonight,” Jaehwan said, once he’d straightened up. “Did you have a good time?”

“Yeah, I – yeah,” Wonsik smiled, finding it was the truth.

“Yes!” Jaehwan fist pumped the air, doing a few celebratory poses that had Wonsik shaking his head with suppressed laughter. Jaehwan was so _ridiculous_.

“So am I going to get another chance to take you out?” Jaehwan said after he’d gotten through his improv routine. “Yes. Say yes. Say yes say yes. Yesyesyes.”

“Yes,” Hakyeon said, coming out of his room where Wonsik was two hundred percent sure he’d been eavesdropping like nobody’s business.

“Shut up, hyung,” Wonsik whined, and waited pointedly for Hakyeon to go into the kitchen though given the size of their apartment it wasn’t that big a difference.

Turning back to an expectantly waiting Jaehwan, he mouthed the word ‘yes’, not wanting to give Hakyeon the satisfaction of hearing it. Jaehwan gestured back ‘okay’ with his hands and skipped – Wonsik hadn’t thought he’d ever see a twenty-plus year old man _skip_ but that was Jaehwan for you – back into his own room.

Wonsik went into his and closed the door, needing a moment to process everything that had happened that evening. It had been fun, and comfortable, and he liked Jaehwan – really liked him, honestly – and the fact that Jaehwan seemed to like him in more than just a ‘hey, buddy!’ way was something Wonsik was having trouble wrapping his head around. Jaehwan _liked_ him.

Wonsik sat down on his bed and resolutely did not think about how a date with Hongbin would have gone. Or how Hongbin would have held his hand. Or whether Hongbin would have kissed him goodnight –

_“Wonsik,” Hongbin mumbled softly against his lips, hands reaching up into his hair and mouth soft, Hongbin’s smell and taste and the feel of his body against Wonsik’s making Wonsik’s entire galaxy nothing but this person he’d been in love with forever. Hongbin kissed him again, sweetly urgent. “Wonsik.”_

Wonsik dropped his head into his hands, exhaling slowly.

*

“Hyung,” Sanghyuk elbowed Taekwoon, and Taekwoon realised with shame that he’d spaced out again for the second time in hardly fifteen minutes. It took a lot to make him lose his focus, especially when he was with Sang– when he had something to do properly, like teaching Sanghyuk his piano lessons, but today was the day of Wonsik and Jaehwan’s date. He felt like he was torn in two – one part of him didn’t want to leave the piano room and Sanghyuk, but the other felt like he needed to run all the way back to the apartment to see if Hongbin was destroying the whole house.

“Sorry, Sanghyuk, I’m,” Taekwoon let his hands drop to the keys, producing a dissonant chord that mirrored surprisingly well how he was feeling inside. “I’m too worried about Hongbin.”

“Hongbin, Hongbin, Hongbin, you’re making me jealous,” Sanghyuk sniffed, and at Taekwoon’s horrified look at him he quickly caved, elbowing Taekwoon again. “I’m _joking_ , hyung. Come on.”

Taekwoon slumped forward against the piano. “I can’t believe those two are going out.”

“Wonsik hyung is doing it as revenge,” Sanghyuk declared, and played a few ominous chords. “Kong sunbae hurt him and now he’s using Jaehwan hyung to hurt Kong sunbae back.”

“Wonsik would never do that,” Taekwoon said scornfully, batting Sanghyuk’s hands away to make him stop with the Addams family-esque music but letting his fingertips linger on Sanghyuk’s wrists. “I’m not that close to him but he’s more or less a human marshmallow from what I’ve seen.”

Sanghyuk pretended to continue to play strident chords up and down Taekwoon’s arm until Taekwoon shook him off.

“Love makes you do crazy things,” Sanghyuk intoned direly, making Serious Eyebrows.

“Really? What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done for love?” Taekwoon mocked.

“I – I’ve never been in love,” Sanghyuk said, the Serious Eyebrows faltering to be replaced by a look so open and vulnerable Taekwoon couldn’t help but stare back, drinking in Sanghyuk’s face.

The moment quickly passed, Sanghyuk looking away and Taekwoon so desperate for something else to say that he blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“Are you going to go to the big Halloween party?”

“What party?” Sanghyuk asked, interested.

“There’s a lot of parties on Halloween but the dance crew – the one Wonsik’s in – they throw the biggest one. Hakyeon was just asking me about it the other day.”

“Oh, well, when Sungjae finds out about it I’m sure he’ll drag me to it whether I want to go or not. Or, actually – I think I might be abandoned for this girl that he’s insanely infatuated with. He’s probably going to go with her.”

“Sungjae’s got a girlfriend?” Taekwoon asked, somehow wanting to laugh.

“I don’t know if ‘girlfriend’ is the right word,” Sanghyuk said, paralleling Taekwoon’s look of suppressed laughter. “I’m just amazed she hasn’t told him to get lost yet. What about you?”

“Me?” Taekwoon was confused a moment, wondering why he would tell Sungjae to get lost, and then he got it. “Oh. I’m going to be dragged there too. Hakyeon and Jaehwan are apparently going as Barbie and Ken.”

Sanghyuk threw his head back in a delighted shout of laughter, making Taekwoon smile too. “Oh my god, now of course I have to go to see that. What are you going as then? We could go as something matching, hyung!”

The image of Hakyeon screaming ‘BAE!’ at him flashed into Taekwoon’s mind and he blanched – oh god, if the two of them went as something clearly matching Hakyeon would be _insufferable_ till the end of his days –

Sanghyuk, seeing his face, quickly continued. “I mean, it was just an idea. I didn’t mean we had to go together.”

“Oh – oh no,” Taekwoon fumbled, wondering why he was always feeling this scatterbrained around Sanghyuk. “It’s not that – I mean, if you want, sure-”

“No, it’s really fine, but – I mean, if _you_ want-”

They both stopped, feeling stupid.

“Okay, so I’ll – I’ll think up something?” Sanghyuk said finally, smiling sheepishly. “I promise, it won’t be embarrassing or flashy or whatever. It’ll be cool.”

Taekwoon surrendered himself to being at Hakyeon’s mercy for the rest of his natural life. “I’m holding you to that, punk.”

It was only half an hour later when Taekwoon had walked Sanghyuk home and was putting his own keys into the lock that he came to a sudden halt, staring at the woodgrain pattern of his door.

_Had he just agreed to go on a date with Sanghyuk?_

*

Hongbin’s phone vibrated, and he cracked open one eye from where he was lying on his bed in the dark, listening to sad love songs.

It was a number he didn’t recognise, and when he opened the message he sucked in a sharp breath, feeling his heart start to hammer against his ribs.

“What the _fuck?_ ” he spat, tearing off his earphones.

_-Hey, Binnie~ Jaehwan here. The date went fine, and he agreed to see me again – any suggestions for the next date? I know you know him better than anyone else ^^_

Hongbin sat up, staring at his phone in utter disbelief. The fuck – the fucking _balls_ of this bastard – he _dared_ – Hongbin couldn’t BELIEVE –

Hongbin made himself breathe before he asphyxiated.

_Okay, Lee Hongbin, focus. You want to make Wonsik happy, don’t you?_

No, Hongbin wanted to murder something. Preferably Jaehwan.

_he agreed to see me again_

The longer Hongbin stared at those few words, however, the more the fight went out of him. Wonsik had agreed to see Jaehwan again, so that meant… he must have had a good time. Maybe he even was starting to like Jaehwan – and Hongbin fiercely pushed away the memory of Wonsik saying ‘just you, only you, always you’.

Hongbin didn’t know how much time passed before he picked up his phone once more and began to type.

_-he’s in the dance crew. anything to do with dance should be good. don’t bring him to eat fish, he hates it. he also really likes animals – bring him to the zoo? or aquarium._

Hongbin sent the message and stared at the fingers that had typed it like they didn’t belong to him. He picked up his phone again.

_-don’t fuck it up, lee jaehwan._

*


	11. Chapter 11

Jaehwan raised his eyebrows at the reply he’d just gotten from Hongbin, it being the last thing he was expecting. He was ready to receive a message full of swearing, no reply at all or a livid phonecall filled with more swearing – not actual advice and a thinly veiled threat to treat Wonsik well.

He’d been surprised at Hongbin readily capitulating a few days ago when he’d told Hongbin he was going to ask Wonsik out, but he’d chalked it down to Hongbin not wanting to cause a scene in the middle of the crowded corridor. But this time – he’d wanted to push Hongbin’s buttons, hurt him a little even for what he’d done to Wonsik; Wonsik had been so reserved the few days after the 613 party and when he’d found out what happened from Hakyeon Jaehwan had been speechless at how callous it made Hongbin appear. Who _did_ that? He thought shit like that only happened in dramas.

So this, of all things, was not what he was expecting. It actually made him feel a little bad, and more than a little confused. Lee Hongbin was a mystery.

_-Why are you helping me?_

He quickly typed back, settling down against his pillows to wait for Hongbin’s reply, if ever it came. He was really pushing it, he knew.

_-because i want him to be happy._

Jaehwan had to wait nearly five minutes for Hongbin’s text back, as if Hongbin had been debating with himself what to say. Jaehwan had to snort at this, however – Hongbin wanted Wonsik to be happy so he’d kept a possessive leash on him for three years, teasing him almost nonstop, and then just fucked him without being soft or gentle or anything Wonsik would have needed him to be the next morning (Hakyeon had been a great fount of information; Jaehwan rather thought Hakyeon had been waiting for someone to vent to) because he wanted Wonsik to be _happy?_

_-Uh, that kinda makes no sense._

_-i don’t have to explain myself to you!_

_-OKOK chill. I’ll let you know how the next date goes. Night!_

Jaehwan felt like side-eyeing himself after that last text – why on earth would Hongbin want to know how their next date went?

His phone buzzed again and Jaehwan sighed, sure it was going to be Hongbin caustically rebutting his offer.

_-okay._

Okay?

Jaehwan’s eyebrows shot up again into his hair for the second time that night. This was opening a channel of communication between them – Hongbin was going to be expecting his text, seemingly open to news about how Wonsik and Jaehwan were progressing. Possibly open to giving more advice, too?

Lee Hongbin was truly a mystery. Part of Jaehwan was warning him against trusting anything Hongbin said – he’d be stupid to, after everything he’d seen himself and been told by Hakyeon – but another part of him that housed his insatiable curiosity wouldn’t let him back away from this. He could see it in his mind’s eye already: ‘Lee Jaehwan and the Great Hongbin-Wonsik Mystery – Unraveled!’ He could be like Indiana Jones. Or Sherlock Holmes – yeah, more like Sherlock Holmes. Jaehwan Holmes!

He smiled with satisfaction to himself. He would get to the bottom of this or die trying.

*

“Okay, hyung, are you ready for Halloween costume idea number one?”

Sanghyuk brandished his phone in front of Taekwoon like he was unveiling a mindblowing magic trick so Taekwoon could see the picture on the screen.

“Isn’t this fantastic? You love coffee, so it’s great. You go as a Starbucks barista and I’ll go as a cup of coffee.”

Taekwoon was speechless.

*

“Ash and Pikachu!” Sanghyuk said excitedly, grabbing Taekwoon’s arm. “Sungjae already has a Pikachu onesie that he wears sometimes – don’t tell him I told you that – and all you need is a red cap and a blue vest, and, and finger gloves-”

Taekwoon started to edge away from Sanghyuk.

“Hyung,” Sanghyuk said sternly. “If you move away any further you’re going to fall off the bench. And I will _laugh_.”

*

“Okay, what about this,” Sanghyuk asked, starting to feel desperate. “The ‘Joint Security Area’ movie? One of us can go as Song Kangho and the other one can be Lee Byunghun?”

Taekwoon shook his head.

“Death note? I’ll be L and you can be Light?”

“Who?” Taekwoon asked, brow furrowing in confusion. Sanghyuk just stared at him.

*

“Can’t we go as something that would look relatively normal?” Taekwoon begged, after shooting down Naruto and Sasuke and a pair of zombie high school students. “You promised it wouldn’t be too conspicuous.”

“Inconspicuous is one thing, boring is another,” Sanghyuk huffed. “Should have known better than to go with an old man.”

“I’m not stopping you from going with someone else,” Taekwoon protested, pride stung. “Someone less _boring_. And _old_.”

“I’m taking pity on you, hyung, if I don’t go with you who will?” Sanghyuk affected concern, patting Taekwoon’s head. Dimly Taekwoon registered at the back of his mind that this was _not_ how dongsaengs behaved.

“Fine. Something normal. Something – stop glaring at me, hyung, I’m trying to think – oh my god, that’s _it_ , I’ve got it!” Sanghyuk bounced excitedly in his seat, eyes shining. Taekwoon braced himself.

“Hyung, all you’ll have to do is wear a school uniform and glare at everyone like you usually do.”

“I _don’t_ glare at everyone-”

“Okay, make your normal resting face then. Yes, exactly like that, like you’re a secret serial killer.”

“Han Sanghyuk, I am _not_ -!”

“You’re going as Haru from Free!. I’m going as Rin.”

“What the hell is that?”

“You’ll see.”  

*

Hongbin was trying to break through a block he was having with the main point of the paper he was writing, rephrasing and rephrasing until he got the right wording in order to get the impact he wanted. It was late, nearly one a.m. – nothing really much to a college student but when said college student had an early lecture the next day with a famously crotchety professor Hongbin was dicing with death. Taekwoon had gone to bed ages ago – old people had to sleep early, Hongbin supposed – but not before making Hongbin a cup of Taekwoon’s good coffee to help keep Hongbin awake as he struggled with his paper. His hyung could really be very sweet when he wanted to be, but then Hongbin was also smugly aware that Taekwoon had a huge soft spot for him. Not everyone got to drink Taekwoon’s good coffee.

His phone vibrated and Hongbin absently opened the message, thinking it was one of his basketball people texting something to do with training the next day; his heart sped up when he saw it was Jaehwan’s number – which, incidentally, he’d just saved in his contacts as ‘that guy’.

_-Date today was good, I think! We went to the aquarium like you suggested, and he was so cute getting all excited over stuff like the penguins and the stingrays. He tried to touch one of the stingrays at the petting area and it flapped water at him, getting him all wet hahah. He was so embarrassed~_

Hongbin could imagine only too easily an excited Wonsik pressing himself up against the tank glass walls to peer at the fish and animals within – and being scared about touching the stingray but wanting to do it all the same. In Hongbin’s mind, however, twenty-two-year old Wonsik transformed into high school senior Wonsik, skipping his last homeroom period with Hongbin and worrying all the way to the aquarium that they’d be found out and punished severely, Hongbin laughing at his fidgeting. Once they’d reached the aquarium, however, all Wonsik’s worrying had vanished and he’d pulled Hongbin from one exhibit to another, exclaiming over the jellyfish and the seals and the huge manta rays.

They were found out, of course. Somehow in Hongbin’s memory the detention and gym cleaning punishment they’d gotten hadn’t seemed so bad – spending three hours together in the wide gym going up and down with mops and talking nonstop about everything and nothing.

Hongbin found himself smiling absently like a fool at the reminiscing and snapped himself out of it.

 _-sounds like a good time. i’m glad._ Hongbin made himself type, focusing on how happy Wonsik must have been and trying not to dwell on if Wonsik had found himself thinking about their own aquarium trip four years earlier too.

 _-Are you?_ came the reply, and Hongbin grit his teeth. What did Jaehwan _want_ from him?

_-why, would you prefer it if i wasn’t?_

_-No.. but I’d understand it better._

_-there’s no point in me being sulky about this._

_-So you admit there is a reason for you to be sulky about it?_

Dammit, Hongbin thought.

_-i told you i don’t have to explain myself to you. if wonsik is happy then that’s all there is to it._

_-So noble!_

Okay, that stung. Hongbin could feel the heat in his cheeks rising, knowing what Jaehwan was implying and knowing that Jaehwan was right. Hongbin had behaved anything but nobly towards Wonsik, but here he was going on and on about Wonsik’s happiness as if it was a huge sacrifice Hongbin was making to ensure it.

 _-it’s not like i’m proud of my actions, alright?_ Hongbin sent hotly off, and then immediately regretted it. He didn’t want Jaehwan of all people to know his own personal feelings about the whole disaster when he was refusing to talk about it to even Taekwoon, but there was an irresistible urge in him that he couldn’t explain to make sure Jaehwan didn’t think Hongbin didn’t care about Wonsik.  

_-Does Wonsik know that?_

_-i think it’s way too late for apologies now. he doesn’t want to hear it from me, anyway._

_-You sure?_

Hongbin put down his phone slowly, heart suddenly beating fast. He pushed his phone away under a textbook, trying to figuratively put as much space between him and Jaehwan as possible. He had no idea what Jaehwan’s game was, and he couldn’t help but be suspicious – Jaehwan had nothing to gain from Hongbin and Wonsik making up. Or was Jaehwan aware of something Hongbin didn’t – was he trying to make Hongbin seek Wonsik out to try to talk things over, knowing Hongbin would get shot down horribly? Was that what all this was about? To just hurt Hongbin in a sort of secondhand revenge?

Hongbin bit his lip. The seed of doubt had been irretrievably planted now, however. Was it really too late to apologise? Did Wonsik _want_ him to apologise?

*


	12. Chapter 12

“I’ll wait outside,” Wonsik muttered as Hakyeon knocked on 513’s door, backing off a bit down the corridor. “When Taekwoon hyung passes you the vacuum I’ll help you carry it back from here.”

Hakyeon gave him a look as the sounds of Taekwoon undoing the lock from the other side of the door came through the wood. “You can’t avoid Hongbin forever.”

Wonsik turned and moved off further down the corridor, muttering something that sounded like ‘watch me’.

Hakyeon disappeared into the apartment, the door closing softly behind him, and Wonsik tried not to look awkward standing doing nothing in the middle of the fifth floor corridor. A few minutes feeling silly were nothing compared to the colossal disaster that bumping into Hongbin in his own house would have been, however, so Wonsik was prepared to power through it. Only, of course, the ‘few minutes’ Wonsik and any other normal person would have thought it would take for Hakyeon to go get the vacuum Taekwoon had helpfully agreed to lend them because theirs was mysteriously spoilt (it was Wonsik’s fault, actually, but he’d be fucked upside-down before he’d confess it to Hakyeon) was of course equivalent to roughly ten to fifteen minutes of Hakyeon Time – god knew what he was doing in there, and Wonsik was starting to sweat. The further away from Hongbin’s apartment and Hongbin he was the calmer and easier life would be. Imagine if _right that moment_ -

Right that moment, the lift _dinged_ , releasing Hongbin into the fifth level corridor looking flushed and healthy after his morning run. He came to an abrupt halt when he saw Wonsik hanging around shiftily outside his apartment; one hand lifting unconsciously to his hair, fringe sweaty and tousled by the wind before he caught himself and forced his arm down. He was making the patented alarmed ‘eyes as wide as dinner plates’ face Wonsik usually liked to tease him about – that that face would scare whatever was scaring Hongbin even more than _it_ was actually scaring _Hongbin_ \- but right now Wonsik was willing to bet that both of them were feeling roughly the same amount of ‘Oh, _fuck_ ’.

“Wonsik,” Hongbin found his voice first, and Wonsik swallowed.

“Hey.” Wonsik managed, his emotions roiling inside him so terribly he had no idea how he was supposed to feel. Angry? Sad? Disappointed? Nervous? Excited? Hongbin looked so good. He _always_ looked so good, even sweaty and wearing thick nondescript gym clothes. Nearly three weeks had passed since – that night, and he hadn’t heard a single word from Hongbin. For all he knew Hongbin had dropped off the face of the earth.

“How – how are you?” Hongbin asked, and then Wonsik could see the internal cringe that followed. The question hung heavy in the air between them, Hongbin quickly averting his eyes and studying Wonsik’s shoes.

“I’m good,” Wonsik lied smoothly, finding a little more equilibrium from seeing how uncomfortable Hongbin was. _At least the bastard still had a conscience._

Hongbin nodded, trying to smile. “That’s good. Um -”

Wonsik looked at him, waiting, taking Hongbin in. He’d never gone three weeks without seeing Hongbin before – he imagined he could see the differences; thinner, maybe? Fringe finally long enough to fall into his eyes, needs a haircut – and then felt a twinge of amazement at how delusional he was.

“How’s things with Jaehwan going?”

Wonsik could see Hongbin swallow, lick his lips nervously after the question, and he wracked his brain trying to figure out what Hongbin meant by that – he shouldn’t be surprised, of course Hongbin would eventually find out – but the blood rising in his cheeks was too distracting. There was no threat in Hongbin’s face, no taunt or sneer in Hongbin’s voice – he was looking at Wonsik openly, still trying to smile, but Wonsik was blushing and hating himself for blushing. He didn’t want Hongbin to think – of all people he didn’t want to talk about Jaehwan with Hongbin –

“Fine,” Wonsik said finally, trying to think of a million better things to say but failing miserably. “Things are fine. Are you seeing anybody?”

Hongbin blinked at the sudden change of subject, and Wonsik was slowly becoming aware of the immense ridiculousness of the two of them conducting this tentative dance around each other outside Hongbin’s own house – did Hongbin think Wonsik had come to see him? What were they _doing_?

“I, uh. Not right – I mean,” Hongbin frowned, unable to get the words out properly and the instinct to lie to protect himself heavy on his tongue. “No. I mean – no. Not currently.”

“That’s new,” Wonsik blurted before he could decide what he really felt about it, and he really had meant it to come out light as a joke but even to his own ears it sounded nothing but bitter.

“Yeah,” Hongbin seemed to deflate. “Um, why are you-” he looked to his door and then to Wonsik, but Wonsik was saved – finally, after ten years – by Hakyeon emerging from 513 struggling with the old-fashioned vacuum he was carrying in his arms.

“Stupid Taekwoon wouldn’t even help m- oh, Bin,” Hakyeon said, coming up short and tone even shorter. “I wondered where you were.”

“Morning run,” Hongbin answered, gesturing down at his gym clothes. “Why are you taking our vacuum, hyung?”

“Ours broke,” Hakyeon answered curtly, nudging Wonsik to help him. “See you around, huh?”

The brush-off was so obvious even Wonsik felt like flinching at how cold Hakyeon was being – Hakyeon and Hongbin had never been close, but for Hakyeon to be so rude –

Hongbin seemed to be expecting it, however. He bowed slightly as Hakyeon passed, Wonsik having to keep up with Hakyeon because they were carrying the unwieldy vacuum together and Hongbin turned towards his still-ajar door as if he knew he’d been dismissed.

Wonsik twisted around before they entered the lift to catch a last glimpse of Hongbin going into his apartment, and the half-baked goodbye died on his lips with the closing of 513’s door.

“You okay?” Hakyeon asked once their own lift doors had closed and they were on their way to the first floor. Hakyeon was now looking at him softly, all the hard edges of a minute ago gone.

“Yeah,” Wonsik answered, giving Hakyeon a quick smile. “I’m okay.”

*

Sanghyuk heaved his bag of their costumes onto Taekwoon’s little dining table, Taekwoon eyeing it with so much apprehension and disapproval Sanghyuk wanted to smack him. So he did.

“Ow,” Taekwoon grumbled, sitting down beside Hongbin studying on the sofa and massaging his arm where Sanghyuk had hit him. Hongbin hid a smile in his textbook.

“We’ll get you dressed first,” Sanghyuk announced with a determinedly excited look on his face. “I’ve got your pants and blazer. And the tie. You have the white dress shirt I asked you to get ready?”

When Taekwoon didn’t move from the sofa Sanghyuk impatiently moved to pull him to his feet and Taekwoon quickly stood up on his own, fearing more violence.

“I’m doing this under protest,” he muttered on the way to his room with the other clothes Sanghyuk had shoved into his arms, the shirt in question already ironed and hung up to wait.

He got dressed dreading the outcome, but it looked like a normal school uniform in the end, if a bit strangely coloured – brown pants, green tie, dark grey blazer. It didn’t fit fantastically but it didn’t look weird at all, either, which Taekwoon was fervently thankful for.

“Here,” he said, opening the door to his room, and Sanghyuk clapped his hands delightedly at the sight of Taekwoon.

“Perfect! You’ve got sneakers for the shoes, right? Okay. Now I just need to do your hair.”

“What are you going to do?” Taekwoon asked suspiciously, Sanghyuk manhandling him over to the couch next to Hongbin again who was watching the whole proceedings with amused interest, studying forgotten. Sanghyuk stood in front of Taekwoon with a thoughtful look on his face.

“I know I’m not getting you into a wig so I just have to do my best with what I’ve got,” Sanghyuk murmured, half to himself as took out a comb from somewhere and began brushing Taekwoon’s hair straight down over his eyes.

“Kong hyung, you’ve got hair wax?”

Taekwoon grabbed Sanghyuk’s wrists and held them at bay, crazy anime hairstyles flashing through his mind even as Hongbin eagerly went to get the hair wax. He was surrounded by demons.

Hongbin came back in a flash – or Kong hyung, as Sanghyuk was now calling him permanently, Hongbin revelling in the nickname because ‘Sanghyuk is so cute, isn’t he, hyung?’ – and Sanghyuk patiently shook Taekwoon’s hands off.

“Relax, hyung. It’s nothing terrible. _I’m_ wearing a wig!”

“How is that supposed to make me feel better?” Taekwoon complained bitterly, resignedly allowing Sanghyuk to start to work the wax into his fringe.

Sanghyuk worked quickly, hands gentle in Taekwoon’s hair, and he would have enjoyed the attention – he’d always enjoyed people touching his hair and running fingers through it – if not for the self-consciousness building up in the pit of his stomach and the anxiety of not knowing what Sanghyuk was working towards even though Hongbin was giving small noises of approval, looking between the photo on his phone Sanghyuk was using as reference and Taekwoon’s own hair.

Sanghyuk finished much faster than he expected, and Sanghyuk took his hand to lead him to the bathroom mirror to have a look at himself, Hongbin tagging along to see his reaction.

“See? Not that bad, right?” Sanghyuk urged, Taekwoon trying not to balk at his reflection. Sanghyuk had merely divided his fringe into three sections such that one part of his hair fell forward between his eyes, the hair wax defining the look. It _didn’t_ look that weird, that was true, but Taekwoon groaned internally thinking of all the people who was going to be looking at him and asking him whom he was supposed to be. He was going to find a quiet corner and get drunk as fast as possible –

“Okay?” Sanghyuk was looking at him hopefully, waiting for an answer.

“Yeah, okay,” Taekwoon said, Sanghyuk’s answering smile so wide Taekwoon couldn’t help but smile grudgingly back.

“Great! Now it’s my turn,” Sanghyuk went off to get his costume and disappeared into the bathroom, Taekwoon retiring to the sofa to enjoy his last few minutes of peace. Hongbin settled down next to him once more, putting his feet in Taekwoon’s lap.

“What?” Taekwoon asked after a while, tone decidedly snappy. Hongbin had been grinning at him for the past minute or so, Taekwoon trying his best to avoid Hongbin’s eye, but Hongbin was wiggling his toes into Taekwoon’s thigh refusing to be ignored.

“Can I ask you something?” Hongbin said, still grinning.

“No,” Taekwoon retorted, knowing it wouldn’t do any good.

“When’s the wedding?”

Taekwoon threw Hongbin’s feet off his lap in answer, glaring. “Don’t you start. I’ve had enough of this from Hakyeon.”

Hongbin put his feet back undeterred. “So basically more than one person is telling you they’re getting decidedly couple-y vibes from the two of you?”

“Or you all are just ganging up on me as usual,” Taekwoon countered.

“Apart from the fact that Hyukkie’s been over here quiiiiiiite a fair bit recently-”

“He’s learning sight-reading! You _know_ I promised to teach him how to play the piano!”

“What nonsense, hyung, yesterday he was over here eating ramyun and at no time did I see _any_ sheet music-”

“We started after you left for your training,” Taekwoon said with dignity.

“ _Sure_. And after I distinctively remember you completely swearing off Halloween for the rest of your life after last year’s party, here you are once again.”

Taekwoon didn’t have a comeback for that because it was true. He’d sworn up and down that he was done with Halloween forever after the animal onesie debacle last year, but – here he was, once again.

Turns out he didn’t have to bother to come up with a reply because the sight of Sanghyuk coming out of the bathroom in his costume completely erased any higher-order thinking skills he may have possessed.

Sanghyuk was wearing only black full-leg swimming tights and an open sports jacket, with nothing on underneath – chest and stomach totally on display, showing off an impressively toned body that Taekwoon – and apparently Hongbin, judging from his reaction – had no idea Sanghyuk had been hiding all this time.

Hongbin whooped, getting off the sofa in a hurry in order to teasingly grab at Sanghyuk’s bare torso, Sanghyuk doubling over to save himself and laughing in embarrassment. There was completely nothing left to the imagination – the low-riding tights clung to him like a second skin, outlining long firm legs and a small but perky butt –

Taekwoon inhaled sharply and looked away, blinking fast. In the bag Sanghyuk had brought at the bottom there was still a pair of swim goggles and a shock of maroon hair – so not only was Sanghyuk going to be walking around the party practically naked he was also going to be red-haired. Wonderful.

Sanghyuk was reaching for the wig, and Taekwoon belatedly realised he was being spoken to.

“… The character, Rin, he actually has these really cool sharp teeth like a shark’s but obviously I can’t do those, so that’s just too bad. I had so much difficulty getting this outfit, hyung, you wouldn’t believe it. The jacket was selling online for seventy thousand won _like_ I’d pay that kind of money for something I was just going to wear for only one night. But in the end I found someone to rent it from. The swim tights and goggles are my own and I have no idea how the wig’s going to look but let’s see-”

Hongbin was grinning at him again.

*

“Hurry up, hyung!” Sanghyuk urged, already power-walking ahead of Taekwoon, Taekwoon trying to look everywhere but at Sanghyuk because of how what he was wearing clung to his body. “It’s too cold, I’m not wearing a lot of clothes here.”

 _I KNOW_ , Taekwoon’s brain yelled back. “I told you to take a proper jacket,” he repeated, echoing the small argument they’d had back at the apartment; Taekwoon nagging and Sanghyuk resolutely refusing to bring along something warmer for the walk to the north dorm where the party was being held because he didn’t want to be lugging a jacket around the whole night. Hongbin had still been grinning at them when he’d seen them off, Taekwoon trying to simultaneously ignore Hongbin and strongly back away from analysing his own reaction to Sanghyuk in that outfit.

Taekwoon sighed at the thought of Hongbin; staying home alone on a night all of them by right should have been together.

They finally arrived, Sanghyuk forcing Taekwoon to hurry along with him so that they were more or less jogging. This year the dance crew had managed to secure one of the dorm canteens for the party, and the planning committee (which Wonsik was in) had pretty much outdone themselves doing up the place. Sanghyuk had been the one to get their tickets – usually Hongbin would have gotten them through Wonsik but clearly that was out of the question, this year, and Taekwoon wanted to put off giving Hakyeon the satisfaction of knowing Taekwoon and Sanghyuk were going together for as long as possible. Sungjae and Joy – apparently it was working out even better than Sanghyuk had predicted – were going on their own, Sungjae apparently not being interested in being distracted from the woman of his dreams for one second by anyone else, even his best friend.

Sanghyuk bounced a little on his toes, rubbing his hands together to warm them. The red wig he was wearing was absolutely ridiculous by Taekwoon’s standards – it was stiff and looked completely fake, but judging by the reaction of the dance crew girls at the ticket reception booth Sanghyuk had apparently done a good job. After handing over their tickets Sanghyuk tugged Taekwoon closer to him and the girls – all dressed as skeletons, and Taekwoon assumed Wonsik would be too – squealed in recognition.

“Oh, but if he’s Haru why aren’t you Makoto?” one asked, mischievous look on her face, a question that completely flew over Taekwoon’s head.

“No, Harurin over Makoharu any day,” another argued, and Sanghyuk laughed shyly, pushing Taekwoon ahead of him into the party hall.

“What were they talking about?” Taekwoon asked, and Sanghyuk just shook his head.

“Nothing important. Let’s go find Hakyeon hyung, I can’t wait to see what he looks like. Sungjae’s already here, too.”

Hakyeon – in his worry over what Sanghyuk would make him wear Taekwoon had almost forgotten Hakyeon was coming in drag. That was sure to cause a stir, considering Hakyeon never did things by halves. Taekwoon took out his phone and called Hakyeon, Hakyeon picking up excitedly and giving them directions to the back of the hall near the drinks and food booths.

“Did you really come as what you said you were going to dress up as?” Taekwoon asked, still on the phone as they made their way through the crowd, Sanghyuk also on the phone with Sungjae and holding on to the back of Taekwoon’s blazer in order not to lose him as they dodged in between people dancing and milling about, Taekwoon’s cheeks warming at the contact.

“Of course,” Hakyeon’s voice on the phone replied. “You’ll see soon enough. If I don’t win best costume tonight it’ll be a crime.”

Taekwoon ended the call and continued to lead Sanghyuk through the hall, aiming roughly for where Hakyeon had said he was. He could hear Sanghyuk close behind him arguing indignantly with Sungjae on the phone, Sungjae apparently refusing to meet up with them because he was afraid Sanghyuk would embarrass him in front of Joy. Taekwoon grinned as he listened – Sungjae was perfectly capable of embarrassing himself in front of Joy without Sanghyuk’s help.

“Idiot, I’m not going to ruin your chances. Do you think I want you hanging around me all my life? The moment you get married and start your own family I’ll be free of you. I’ll even _lie_ to her to make you look better than you are – Yes, I will! What do you want me to say? Sure, no problem, I can do that. You were high school valedictorian and topped our class – yes, sure. Now come over to us, we’re all at the back near the drinks.”

Sanghyuk hung up and put his phone back into his jacket pocket, muttering ‘idiot’ under his breath but the press of people was so thick that he was close enough behind Taekwoon for Taekwoon to hear. His now-free hand joined the other, holding on to Taekwoon’s blazer so they looked like a little two-man train moving slowly, and the gesture was so cute Taekwoon almost – only almost – fully blushed.

They finally emerged from the madness right at the back of the hall, and the moment Taekwoon and Sanghyuk saw Hakyeon Sanghyuk threw his head back and shouted with overjoyed laughter, Taekwoon’s jaw dropping.

Hakyeon was standing with Jaehwan and Wonsik, Wonsik dressed as a skeleton just like the dance crew girls at the reception, probably to help recognition of the crew members amidst all the other costumes in case they were needed. Jaehwan and Hakyeon – honestly, Taekwoon had no words for this. Jaehwan was Ken, so he had his hair slicked up and back and he was wearing well-cut bermudas and a polo t-shirt with boat shoes, looking very much like the Korean version of the rich sorority-boy model all Ken dolls were apparently modelled after, down to the perfect thick eyebrows.

But _Hakyeon_ \- at least ninety percent of the people who walked past their little group were doing double-takes or even staring outright, because even though upon a closer look Hakyeon was clearly a boy he was also amazingly pretty – he was wearing a short sparkly dress and impossibly high heels Taekwoon had no idea he could even stand in much less walk in, and he had on a very pretty long curly brown wig he’d accessorised with a hairband. The fake eyelashes, red lips and the _bra_ he was wearing all completed the look, and Wonsik was almost in tears at the look on Taekwoon’s face.

Sanghyuk was already over by Hakyeon, touching Hakyeon’s wig in awe while ignoring how Hakyeon was trying to tickle his bare stomach.

“This is crazy,” Taekwoon couldn’t help but say as he caught up with Sanghyuk. “You look – you look like a _girl_.”

“That’s kind of the point, Taek,” Hakyeon rolled his eyes, perfect eyeliner accentuating their shape.

“No, I mean,” Taekwoon struggled. “You _really_ look like a girl.”

“I understand, hyung,” Wonsik said, patting Taekwoon on the shoulder. “That’s what I said too.”

“How is it you look so much like a girl?” Taekwoon was beginning to sound like a broken record, Jaehwan cracking up at him.

“I _told_ you,” Hakyeon sniffed, supremely smug. “Have your socks been knocked off yet?”

“I’m not wearing any, but if I were they would be,” Taekwoon answered honestly, the compliment evident in his voice. Hakyeon beamed.

“Hey, do I need to step in here?” Jaehwan joked, putting a protective arm around Hakyeon. “Don’t make moves on my girl.”

“Hello everybody – whoa,” Sungjae’s voice came from behind them, Sanghyuk and Taekwoon turning around to see Sungjae and a pretty girl dressed as Pippi Longstocking draw up to them, Sungjae’s gaze fixated on Hakyeon. Hakyeon preened, flipping his hair over his shoulder. Sungjae – in an eye-catching suit of black and white stripes and hair sprayed white sticking up everywhere – cast an eye over all the rest of them. “Hakyeon hyung wins,” he declared flatly.

Joy was introduced to them one by one, and when she reached Sanghyuk and Taekwoon she giggled.

“Haru and Rin, right?” she said, grinning. “That’s so cute.”

“Why do I have the feeling only girls watch this anime of yours?” Taekwoon hissed at Sanghyuk later, after another group of girls all dressed in maid outfits had passed them, twittering and checking the two of them out.

“You probably wouldn’t be wrong, it’s all hot guys halfnaked most of the time,” Sanghyuk hummed, then laughed at the look on Taekwoon’s face. “I’ll be back, hyung, I have to go sell Sungjae to Joy like I promised.”

Taekwoon drifted back to Hakyeon, Jaehwan and Wonsik while Sanghyuk stood off to the side with Sungjae and Joy, watching Sanghyuk eventually begin to talk enthusiastically to Joy while Sungjae affected a look of humble modesty, shaking his head ever so often and putting a hand on Sanghyuk’s arm as if to try to stop him from saying whatever he was saying. Taekwoon snorted at the sight and was immediately elbowed in the stomach by Hakyeon.

“ _So_ ,” Hakyeon started, but Taekwoon did an about-turn, intending to walk away. Hakyeon and Jaehwan grabbed him all the same.

“So,” Hakyeon repeated, like nothing had happened. “You and the bae coming together, huh. Also the bae is wearing an extremely revealing costume.”

“Say ‘the bae’ one more time and you’re going to wake up tomorrow in the quad fountain,” Taekwoon threatened.

“Taekwoon,” Hakyeon said kindly, in a voice one reserved usually for small, illogical children and dumb animals. “It’s alright-”

Taekwoon set the drinks bar in his sights and shot off in that direction too fast to be grabbed again, hearing the three of them begin to laugh behind him as he walked off. Demons.

The night wore on, Taekwoon turning down pleas to dance in favour of drinking since the dance crew had managed to bring in his favourite beer among the three kinds that was on offer (a special favour from Wonsik? He wondered. Wonsik was generally sweet like that). He wasn’t the dancing kind to begin with anyway, not like the others all on the dancefloor right then. Jaehwan was dancing with Wonsik and Sanghyuk with a barefoot Hakyeon (he’d given up on his heels and had given them to Taekwoon to look after), Joy with Sungjae, all smiling and looking like they were enjoying themselves. It made Taekwoon warm inside to see it like a benevolent grandfather watching over his family.

Sungjae let Joy drag him back to Taekwoon, Joy collapsing into a nearby chair and fanning herself, beaming up at Sungjae when he offered to get her a drink to cool her down. It was so obvious the boy was smitten to the gills, and Taekwoon grinned to himself at the knowledge like it was a secret only he knew.

Sungjae returned with not only a drink for Joy but also for Taekwoon and himself, carefully balancing them and setting Taekwoon’s down next to him for when Taekwoon finished the beer he was currently drinking.

“Good kid,” Taekwoon said approvingly, Sungjae making a face at the word ‘kid’.

“If you call me ‘kid’ then I hope you call Hyukkie ‘kid’ too, since he’s two months younger than me,” Sungjae grumbled.

Taekwoon tried to ruffle Sungjae’s hair in response like he would to a real child, Sungjae ducking away with a whine as Taekwoon laughed.

The two of them watched their friends on the dancefloor as the song changed to something with a dirty pounding bassline, the crowd screaming their approval to the DJ. Taekwoon’s eyes flicked from Hakyeon who had playfully yanked Sanghyuk to him, to Wonsik and Jaehwan. Wonsik wasn’t meeting Jaehwan’s eyes as they danced closer, his usual fluid movements when he danced – Taekwoon always marvelled that it was the same gentle, awkward Wonsik who turned into someone so confident and sexy when he danced – becoming rather stilted and unsure as Jaehwan put his arms around Wonsik’s waist. Taekwoon raised an eyebrow.

Sungjae the Oblivious said, “Wow, look at Jaehwan and Wonsik hyungs. They look pretty good together.”

Taekwoon didn’t say anything, wondering if it was only if you knew Wonsik that you could see how self-conscious he was, dancing that close to Jaehwan, their faces mere inches apart.

“I wish Hyuk would hurry up and find someone, too,” Sungjae was continuing. “I mean, now that he knows he likes guys too he literally has so many more options. Look at me, I’m happily in love. I want him to be happy too,” he ended, looking sappily in Joy’s direction and not noticing Taekwoon’s look of intense surprise turned on him.

“What?”

“What?” Sungjae repeated, blinking. “I’m in love?”

“Not that,” Taekwoon said impatiently. “The part before that. About Sanghyuk.”

Sungjae thought for a while and then answered. “That he’s bi?”

“He told me he wasn't into guys,” Taekwoon prompted, and Sungjae finally seemed to realise he might have said something that wasn’t his place to say.

“Uh,” he said intelligently. “Yeah. Please forget I said anything?”

“Hm,” Taekwoon grunted thoughtfully, eyes going back to sweeping the dancefloor. Wonsik looked far less awkward now that him and Jaehwan had moved closer to Hakyeon and Sanghyuk to watch Hakyeon doing his best to dance up on Sanghyuk and Sanghyuk half-dying of laughter in the process. Taekwoon watched Hakyeon pull the sports jacket off Sanghyuk’s bare shoulders, Wonsik and Jaehwan running their hands over Sanghyuk just to see how flustered they could get him. Sanghyuk was struggling to get his jacket back on even while he moved together with Hakyeon, laughing so hard his eyes had disappeared into two little half-moons; Sanghyuk was a strange intoxicating mix of shy and shameless.

Hakyeon then turned his back to Sanghyuk’s front, putting Sanghyuk’s arms around his waist and moving them both into body rolls, Sanghyuk burying his face in embarrassment in Hakyeon’s wig even while his body followed Hakyeon’s; smooth waves, his hips bumping up against Hakyeon’s sequined-covered ass. Jaehwan and Wonsik wolf-whistled at them, yelling, one or two people around them also cheering in encouragement and others turning to look as well because of the commotion. Hakyeon was in his element with all the attention on him, and he finally graciously let Sanghyuk go once he was satisfied with the stir he had caused, Sanghyuk escaping from him to run red-faced and still laughing hard back to Sungjae and Taekwoon.

He barrelled into Taekwoon, hiding his face in Taekwoon’s neck in the heights of his embarrassment and Taekwoon in his shock stood there with his arms hanging in the air on either side of Sanghyuk’s body, Sanghyuk still giggling uncontrollably and Sungjae whacking him on the back for the display he’d just put on.

A low buzzing had started in Taekwoon’s brain, blocking out all other noise and sensation other than the feel of Sanghyuk’s body against his and the warm puffs of his breath against Taekwoon’s neck as Sanghyuk calmed down, his hands clutching at the back of Taekwoon’s blazer. There was nothing else but Sanghyuk in that moment – every place Sanghyuk was touching him was slowly gaining heat like little fires set in his skin, and when Sanghyuk finally pulled back and smiled down at Taekwoon, his cheeks flushed prettily and stupid wig slightly askew, Taekwoon’s heart belatedly started doing the rhumba.

_Oh, fuck. FuckfuckfuckfuckFUCK._

*

Jaehwan dusted off the stone step before Wonsik sat down next to him, Wonsik smiling a little at the gesture. The party was still going full swing inside the hall, but Wonsik was already exhausted since he’d been working to set up the place and finalise everything since last night. He’d danced his fill and drunk enough and now all he wanted was to sit down somewhere quiet and rest a bit before he had to go back in and see to whatever needed seeing to; he was glad he’d only ever have to serve on the Halloween party planning committee once in his college life because he wasn’t sure he could do this every year.  

“You should go home soon,” Jaehwan told him softly, the slight breeze coming in from the open door at the bottom of the stairwell they’d found temporary refuge in from the noise and the people very welcome.

“Like I can,” Wonsik shook his head. “I have to be around to take down everything – clean up – be here for the caterers to collect their stuff-”

“There’s more than enough of the other dance crew members around, they can do it,” Jaehwan argued.

“They’re all just as tired as I am,” Wonsik protested.

“Well, sorry, but I don’t care about them, I care about you,” Jaehwan said, and Wonsik blushed in the dim light. Jaehwan found it easy to say things like that – things so blatantly corny or cheesy that Wonsik hardly knew what to do with himself when Jaehwan said them. He leant his head on Jaehwan’s shoulder in acknowledgement of the sentiment – he should be able to do that, right? They _were_ dating, weren’t they? – but after a moment sat up again, feeling awkward.

“Wonsik,” Jaehwan said, and Wonsik turned to him, expectant. “You’ve enjoyed yourself so far with me, haven’t you? These past weeks? Today?”

“Yes,” Wonsik answered, heart starting to beat a little faster at Jaehwan’s serious tone.

“I really like you.” Jaehwan took his hand and entwined their fingers in a way Wonsik was coming to find familiar, Jaehwan’s thumb slowly stroking Wonsik’s index finger. Wonsik’s heart rate was picking up, distracting him with how hard it was beating. Wonsik swallowed. Was he supposed to say it back?

“I want to kiss you,” Jaehwan gently turned Wonsik’s face towards him. “I know this grubby staircase is really not the place for a first kiss – wait, this wouldn’t actually be our first kiss, would it?” he laughed, and Wonsik desperately tried to stop the slamming of his heart in his chest. “But you look so adorable in that skeleton costume. Or is it lame if I tell you first? Should I just do it?”

Wonsik tried to scoff at Jaehwan’s teasing about his costume but it came out more like a squeak, his vocal chords refusing to cooperate at the knowledge of the impending kiss. Their kiss during the drinking game all that time ago had been nothing – just for fun – it hadn’t _meant_ anything, but this – if Jaehwan kissed him now and he let Jaehwan, if he kissed him back –

Jaehwan moved closer and Wonsik shut his eyes on instinct, Jaehwan’s hand on his jaw – when did his hand get there? – holding him gently in place before their mouths touched, Jaehwan kissing the same way Wonsik remembered from that night. Soft, slow, _good_ , sweetly coaxing Wonsik into parting his lips so Jaehwan could taste him. At the back of his mind behind the wild beating of his heart Wonsik registered that this was kissing that could undo him, if he’d never been kissed by anyone better –

“Wonsik,” Jaehwan sighed against his lips, and Wonsik flinched, eyes flying open.

Jaehwan pulled back, concern on his face, and Wonsik closed his eyes again, leaning his forehead against Jaehwan’s in utter resignation while wanting to scream and cry and crawl into a hole and never ever come out. Everything inside him sank down to his feet, leaving him feeling drained and nothing but exhausted.

Jaehwan cradled Wonsik’s face in his hands and Wonsik sighed, feeling desolate and like there weren’t enough words to explain and apologise. “I’m sorry, hyung.”

“I think I have a good idea why,” Jaehwan murmured, tipping Wonsik’s face up to his. “Hongbin?”

Wonsik’s eyes widened before he pursed his mouth, supposing he really was that transparent. “I’m sorry, hyung. I just need more time to really get over him, then we can-”

“Or maybe you just don’t actually like me back,” Jaehwan said gently, and Wonsik snapped up, ready to protest. “Wonsik, stop. It’s okay.”

“No, hyung, I-” Wonsik tried again, but Jaehwan shook his head.

“Look, I’m sorry too, okay? I think I knew from the start you were just going along with it to try and move on from Hongbin but I liked you too much to stop seeing you. But it’s obvious, Wonsik. You get jumpy when I touch you, when we get too close.”

Wonsik looked down at his feet, feeling awful. “I really tried, hyung.”

“I know,” Jaehwan said, softly running his fingers through Wonsik’s messy fringe. “And I shouldn’t have let it continue.”

“I’m so sorry,” Wonsik mumbled, guilt pressing a heavy weight on his chest. “I didn’t mean to use you, that wasn’t what this was about, I really thought I could – like you, develop feelings for you. I already liked you so much. Please don’t hate me, hyung.”

“Stupid,” Jaehwan said, flicking Wonsik’s ear. “I don’t hate you.”

“Things were so perfect, too,” Wonsik said after a few moments of silence, feeling like he could cry. “You took me to places I loved even without me having to tell you, and you just knew what I liked to eat – I mean maybe you asked Hakyeon hyung, but everything was so perfect. Like you just knew. You were perfect and I just screwed it all up.”

“Uh, about that,” Jaehwan began, drawing back a little as if he was nervous. “Someone told me what you liked, and where to bring you, things to do that you would enjoy. I didn’t magically know by myself.”

“Hakyeon hyung?” Wonsik asked, raising his head. “Well, that makes me feel a little bit better, actually.”

“Not Hakyeon hyung,” Jaehwan shook his head.

“Then who?” Wonsik frowned, confused. “The only other person who would know-”

Jaehwan nodded. Wonsik froze.

“Hyung,” Wonsik said slowly. “The person I was going to say that would know is Hongbin. But that’s not who you meant, right?”

“It is Hongbin,” Jaehwan said, and when Wonsik pulled back in his confusion Jaehwan quickly took his hand. “Wonsik, listen to me-”

“What the hell do you mean Hongbin told you?” Wonsik demanded, pulling his hand out of Jaehwan’s grasp. “After what he did – why would he tell you?”

“He said he wanted you to be happy, Wonsik, so I guess in his way he tried to help me with you?” Jaehwan pleaded.

“ _Happy?_ ” Wonsik exploded. “ _Happy?_ ”

“Wonsik, calm down,” Jaehwan said firmly, but Wonsik was already getting to his feet and taking the stairs downwards two at a time, leaving Jaehwan sitting alone on his step once Wonsik rushed out the door below them.

Jaehwan sighed and leaned his head against the wall. Alcohol to soothe the rejection, then a nice long bath at home to make things alright with the world, but first –

Jaehwan slipped out his phone, thinking it was only right he sent out a warning.

_-Angry Wonsik possibly headed your way. Sorry :3_

*


	13. Chapter 13

Hongbin jerked awake at the sound of banging on the door, the textbook lying on his chest dislodging and falling onto the floor. He pushed himself up groggily off the sofa, dimly wondering what time it was and when he’d fallen asleep – his body moved on autopilot to the door while his brain struggled to catch up.

He wasn’t prepared to come face to face with someone in a skeleton costume and partial skull makeup staring at him in the doorway and his heart violently skipped a beat, one hand flying up to press on his heart in his half-awake shock.

“Wonsik?” Hongbin gasped. “Fuck, you scared me-”

“Did you want to get rid of me that badly?”

Hongbin blinked quickly, completely at sea. “What?”

Wonsik brusquely pushed past Hongbin into the apartment, shoving the door closed behind him. He didn’t want to do this out in the corridor. Hongbin watched him in silence, confusion and apprehension growing.

“You and Jaehwan hyung. I keep going over and over it in my mind and the only conclusion I can come to is that you wanted to be rid of me so much that you made damn sure to drive me away and then do everything you could to _keep_ me away.”

Hongbin felt a cold wave creeping over him slowly, leaving him utterly awake and sober; the pain in Wonsik’s face was too stark to miss.

“How did you know about Jaehwan?” Hongbin asked quietly, heart starting to pound.

“He told me,” Wonsik said, short and sharp.

“He came to me first,” Hongbin protested, as if somehow putting the blame for their – collaboration, for want of a better word – on Jaehwan would make it better. He had no idea how Jaehwan had framed it when he told Wonsik – why did the fucking bastard even tell him in the first place? What sense did that make? “He told me he wanted to date you – and, and to promise I wouldn’t interfere-”

Wonsik snorted, the sound ugly, and Hongbin bit his lip in shame. “And then he asked me where to bring you, and what you would like, and-”

“Yeah, I know. You told him all that stuff because you want me to be _happy_ ,” Wonsik bit out sarcastically, eyes burning into Hongbin’s face. Hongbin looked away.

This was a mess – this was a terrible fucking mess. Wonsik was standing there with his fists clenched staring at Hongbin even though Hongbin couldn’t bring himself to look back at him, and Hongbin had no idea what to do or say. He’d never seen Wonsik like this, angry and volatile and hurting so openly; Hongbin was lost.

“Are – are things not working out?” Hongbin asked before the silence began to stretch out too painfully, forcing himself to speak.

“What fucking game are you playing?” Wonsik burst out, the force of his anger unconsciously carrying him a few steps closer to Hongbin. “I’ve had enough of you and your games, Hongbin, I’m sick of it. Why would you do what you did? Tell me. _Why_ did you do that?”

Hongbin sucked in a breath, intense frustration welling up within him with every frantic beat of his heart. “It’s true, I’m not lying, I want you to be happy with him, and he – he seems like he cares about you-”

“Yeah, he does. He really likes me,” Wonsik shot back, aiming to hurt.

“Then good!” Hongbin raised his voice, turning defensive. “I helped, didn’t I? I didn’t try to fuck things up for the two of you, I stayed away. You had good dates? Thanks to me! What’s your fucking problem?”

“You!” Wonsik raised his hands to his head like he was going to pull on his hair, clenching them into fists at the last moment and taking an abrupt step backwards in sheer aggravation. “You fuck me then pretend I don’t exist, you spend the last few years making damn sure I follow after you like some fucking dog, and now you want to turn around and _give_ me away to some other guy and you want me to be _thankful_?”

In the ringing silence that followed Hongbin and Wonsik stared at each other, feeling like two points on either side of an ever-growing chasm.

“Do you care that little about me?” Wonsik asked, voice breaking.

 _I care too much about you_ , Hongbin thought, hating himself for how immature, how unhealthy it was. “I know I fucked up,” he began slowly, trying hard to steel himself against the tears in Wonsik’s eyes. “And I know now it sounds untrue but I never wanted to hurt you. That’s why I stayed away. You’re better off without me in your life treating you like – like my dog, as you say. You’re right. You’re right about it all. I’m sorry.”

Wonsik pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes, slightly smudging the makeup around them. “When did we get this fucked up, Bin,” he breathed, tired and flat. “It’s over, right? For us.”

Wonsik let his hands fall away and looked up, and it was only when he reached over to brush away the tear that was running down Hongbin’s cheek did Hongbin realise he was crying too. “Why are you crying? You never cry.”

“For hurting you,” Hongbin managed to get out, and at least that was the truth.

Wonsik let himself sink into the sofa, hunching down and closing his eyes as he rested his head against the back, looking utterly exhausted.

“Anyway, the saga continues,” Wonsik said, voice mocking, eyes still closed. “Jaehwan tonight kissed me again after telling me how much he likes me and all I could think of was you and the way you kissed me that night. And then he told me it was obvious from the start I never felt anything for him because it’s always been you, you, you. So, Mr Lee, if you don’t mind, I will remain your faithful dog a little longer. Until I figure out how to undo the last three years.”

“Stop calling yourself that,” Hongbin said through his tears and guilt, face turned away in his humiliation. “It makes no sense for you to still feel the same for me after everything I’ve done to you.”

“Hmm,” Wonsik agreed tiredly. “And yet.”

“So-” Hongbin sat down next to Wonsik on the sofa – what a pair the two of them made – pulling up his shirt to scrub frustratedly at his face and clean it of his tears. “The two of you – what does that mean now?”

“Pfffft,” Wonsik answered, waving a hand, like he was scattering smoke.

“I’m sorry,” Hongbin whispered.

“You know,” Wonsik started, almost conversational. Things felt almost normal, here at the end of all things. “Because of you I don’t even know whether I’m gay or bi or if it’s just you. I assumed I liked guys because you’re a guy but I have no real idea. Maybe you’ve just fucked me for life.”

“Not for life,” Hongbin answered, looking down at their hands centimetres apart on the sofa cushion. “You should know how nobody gets stuck on me for long. Now this has happened you’ll probably be over me in a month or so.”

Wonsik didn’t answer immediately, looking at Hongbin out of the corner of his eye. “You push them away, they don’t have a choice. Even if they want to stay.”

Hongbin nodded aimlessly, staring ahead.

“Like me.”

Hongbin blinked and looked away, willing the waterworks not to start again, and he heard Wonsik inhale deeply and breathe it all out in a weary rush.

“Why did you fuck me, Bin? What was that about? I need to know.”

Hongbin looked around at him and Wonsik’s eyes were closed again, now pillowed against the arm of the sofa. He looked like he could fall asleep at any moment. Hongbin wondered if it was actually because he couldn’t stand to look at Hongbin.

“Were you just drunk and horny, or did you want to prove a point because of Jaehwan kissing me during the game, or I was just convenient?”

When Hongbin didn’t answer Wonsik cracked open one eye. “Come on. You don’t have to worry about hurting my feelings. It’s too late for that.”

Maybe it was because Wonsik’s words _stung_ ; or because Hongbin had been trying so hard to ignore the ticking clock of the crumbling walls of their relationship breaking down around them as they talked, as civil as it appeared, but it was suddenly too much. Hongbin got up and turned blindly for the door, knowing it was ridiculous to just leave Wonsik there but he needed to be alone with his hurt before it swallowed him. But Wonsik was there immediately, impatiently grabbing Hongbin before he could reach for the door and pulling him around to face Wonsik.

“Answer me,” Wonsik demanded, pain in his face. “Enough avoiding.”

“Let me go,” Hongbin struggled, hating that Wonsik had a few inches on him and feeling small in Wonsik’s grasp. “For fuck’s sake, Wonsik-”

“I’m so fucking tired of this, Hongbin. Why can’t you answer me?”

Hongbin let out a sharp sob, the surge of his frustration and intense longing for Wonsik balling up in his chest and making him _hurt_. He was losing Wonsik for good now, but that was what he wanted, wasn’t it? At once completely randomly a song he’d never heard for years started blaring in his head, lyrics that went _you can’t lose what you never had_. He couldn’t lose Wonsik if he never had him. They would never break up, Wonsik would never get tired of Hongbin, they would never fight, lose one another – it was better this way, Hongbin was sure of it –

“Tell me,” Wonsik pleaded, cupping Hongbin’s face to force Hongbin to look at him, and Hongbin broke.

“I love you,” Hongbin forced himself to say before the sobs took him, and once he started he couldn’t stop. He could feel Wonsik go very still as he cried against Wonsik’s shoulder, heart beating hard in the panic he was feeling because he had no idea what Wonsik’s stillness meant but also too humiliated to look up at him as long as the tears still flowed – Hongbin didn’t know why the fuck he was crying so hard and he felt like the worst idiot for it. It was like a dam had been shattered and even though he kept trying to take deep breaths to calm himself the tears had their own plans; so he rode it out, standing awkwardly against Wonsik, both waiting for and dreading when he finally stopped crying. Wonsik had still not moved a muscle, hands still cupping Hongbin’s face.

When the tears finally slowed Wonsik’s hands slowly fell to rest on Hongbin’s shoulders, and Hongbin didn’t dare to look up at Wonsik’s face. He’d just made a huge fool of himself – his stomach had sunk down to his toes during the absurd crying fit he’d just had – Wonsik knew what he was talking about when he said Hongbin didn’t cry. Hongbin _didn’t_ cry, but recently it seemed all his tears had Wonsik’s name on them.

Wonsik gently moved Hongbin backwards so he could look down at Hongbin, but Hongbin turned his face away.

“You love me?”

Hongbin closed his eyes in mortification and Wonsik shook him. “Don’t start this nonsense again, Lee Hongbin, you’re twenty-two years old. _Talk_ to me.”

“Can we – can we sit-” Hongbin said weakly, trying to buy time to sort himself out so he didn’t feel so much like a wrung-out dishrag inside.

Wonsik pulled Hongbin over to the sofa and faced him, looking serious. “Spill it, Bin. And don’t you dare try anything funny.”

Hongbin gave him a resentful look before snagging one of Taekwoon’s shirts draped over the back of the sofa to dry his face and wipe his nose with for the second time that night. Fuck, he really hated crying.

“Ugh,” Hongbin said, voice stuffy.

“I will fucking ‘ugh’ you if you don’t start talking,” Wonsik threatened.

“This is fantastic,” Hongbin muttered, slinging Taekwoon’s shirt back over the sofa. “Yes, I love you. How wonderful. Hooray.”

Wonsik was staring at Hongbin like he was looking at an extremely difficult puzzle.

“What is _wrong_ with you?” Wonsik finally demanded incredulously, and Hongbin helplessly shrugged.

“Where do I start?”

*

Taekwoon was having a very difficult evening.

He could have explained away everything else before this – he was merely rather fond of Sanghyuk because Sanghyuk was funny and lively and liked his music and wanted to learn the piano from him. Even though Sanghyuk teased him sometimes without mercy and could be a real brat when he wanted to he was fun to be with and Taekwoon liked the talks they had. That was all. However, the way his body had reacted with Sanghyuk pressed up against him just now had been undeniable. He was guilty as charged. No escape, no way out, do not pass go, go straight to jail and stay there.

He was currently trying very hard not to look at Sanghyuk as they all lounged around their table together, Hakyeon and Jaehwan taking in-character selfies one after the other and him, Sanghyuk, Sungjae and Joy ostensibly talking about serious things like career prospects post-college. However, at one point during the conversation he’d noticed that Sanghyuk had a little mole above his right hipbone, and ever since then it had been calling out to him. _Taekwoon, Taekwoon_. He steadfastly averted his eyes, trying not think about how that little mole would taste like under his tongue.

He had other more pressing things to worry about, after all – apparently Sanghyuk played for both teams, but he had categorically told Taekwoon that he wasn’t into guys – what did that mean?

Wonsik had been missing for some time – Taekwoon assumed that he was doing some backstage event stuff, though he had clearly seen Wonsik and Jaehwan duck out for some air earlier, but only Jaehwan had returned. It made Taekwoon think about Hongbin at home alone again; what a mess that was. That love triangle was a mess, and here he was a mess too – stressing out (hopefully) lowkey about the boy next to him who wasn’t wearing nearly enough clothes to aid Taekwoon’s sanity. He was so stupid, honestly – it wasn’t like this was his first crush. What was he, twelve? God, Hakyeon had been right from the start, as much as it galled Taekwoon to admit it.

He gave himself a little break and let his eyes rove over Sanghyuk’s face as Sanghyuk talked. Sanghyuk really had an unnecessarily gorgeous mouth.

Oh, this was so inconvenient.

Apart from the mystery of Sanghyuk’s sexuality, he was five years younger than Taekwoon – that wasn’t an insignificant age gap. And he knew Sanghyuk liked him enough to want to spend time with him, but how much of that was Sanghyuk’s natural friendliness and logical fondness for a hyung who made him food whenever he wanted it and generally let him get away with everything? Plus, it wasn’t like they could just hook up – _if_ Sanghyuk was attracted to him in the same way – now that Sanghyuk was friends with all of Taekwoon’s friends too. Sooner or later the others would find out and things would get weird –

“Hyung?”

Taekwoon blinked, horrified that he’d been caught staring and spacing out.

Sanghyuk grinned at him. “Are you that drunk already?”

The others laughed as Taekwoon pretended to hit Sanghyuk, willing himself not to blush.

“Looks like the old man is sleepy already,” Sanghyuk announced, patting Taekwoon’s shoulder. “Old man, shall we go home?”

 _Honestly_. When had Sanghyuk gotten this comfortable with him? It wasn’t that Taekwoon didn’t secretly like it, this easy closeness, but calling him ‘old man’ in front of everybody –

“Hey, Taekwoon is not old,” same-age friend Hakyeon butted in, pointing an accusing finger at Sanghyuk. Sungjae grabbed it, excitedly pointing out Hakyeon’s hot pink manicure and thankfully distracting Hakyeon.

“We can go if you’re tired, hyung,” Sanghyuk repeated, softer this time and only to Taekwoon, Sungjae and Joy having turned to Hakyeon and Jaehwan to discuss Hakyeon’s chances of winning best costume. Taekwoon’s brain snagged on the ‘we’ – Sanghyuk didn’t have to leave with him, Sungjae was here if Sanghyuk wasn’t that comfortable staying with Jaehwan and Hakyeon, but Sanghyuk talked like him and Taekwoon were a unit.

“I’m not tired, I was just – worrying about Hongbin, just now,” Taekwoon lied, the first thing that sprung to mind.

“You really do care about him a lot,” Sanghyuk said slowly, studying his bottle of beer.

“Yes,” Taekwoon answered, wondering what Sanghyuk’s tone meant. “You like him too, don’t you?”

“Sure,” Sanghyuk put his beer down after taking one last swig and raising an eyebrow. “But so far you’re my favourite hyung. For now. If you keep up the good work.”

“What good work,” Taekwoon laughed, flustered and enormously pleased.

“Cooking for me. Giving in to me. Helping me with my assignments. Buying me food. What else is there?”

“You just want a servant,” Taekwoon grumbled and Sanghyuk laughed delightedly.

“Exactly! My servant hyung. I like that.”

Taekwoon rolled his eyes, trying to look stern and disapproving instead of the happy mush he was dissolving into on the inside. _Honestly, Jung Taekwoon._ “Let’s go before they announce best costume, then. If Hakyeon wins he’s going to be insufferable and if he loses he’ll be even more insufferable. Pass him his shoes, here,” Taekwoon handed Sanghyuk Hakyeon’s heels as he stood, Sanghyuk instead begging him to stay to watch the prizegiving and scolding him for being so mean to Hakyeon.

The best costume prizegiving started with a discordant drumroll and clash of cymbals, two dance crew members hopping up onto the small stage where the photobooth had been set up to begin calling up the top ten individuals or couples that had been shortlisted throughout the night. Hakyeon and Jaehwan were the first ones called, more dance crew members filtering through the crowd to help collect the contestants and bring them up to the stage. Hakyeon sashayed all the way there, waving to his fans.

More were called – a girl with an impressive zombie costume, then two guys that had come in an homemade gundam outfit, a couple who were Leon and Natalie from _Leon the Professional_ , and then suddenly Taekwoon and Sanghyuk were being pulled to their feet by dance crew members.

“Haru and Rin from Free!” The announcers were saying, and to Taekwoon’s complete and utter horror he was being ushered slowly but determinedly towards the stage where Hakyeon looked completely overjoyed.

“Kiss!” some girl shouted from the back of the crowd once him and Sanghyuk had been pushed up onto the tiny stage, the girl – Taekwoon squinted, and it was the same group of girls dressed in maid outfits from earlier – started chanting ‘Harurin’ amidst raucous laughter. Taekwoon plotted murder.

“What the hell does kissing have to do with this?” He hissed at Sanghyuk, who’d turned pink. Hakyeon behind them began chanting ‘kiss’ too until Taekwoon whipped round and glared death at him.

After a few more shortlisted people had been called up, they all had to do a pose to help the judges choose the winner – Taekwoon refused to do anything but stand there and look stonefaced, which was apparently all he needed to do anyway. He felt a grudging connection to this character, whoever he was. Sanghyuk embarrassedly posed with him, Taekwoon hearing the screams from the crowd – mostly girls – as the pose showed off Sanghyuk’s body; at the back of his mind he hoped Sungjae was taking photos.

More posing from the rest – judges deliberating forever – Hakyeon and Jaehwan won, predictably – Taekwoon all but ran off the stage, dragging Sanghyuk with him to the edge of the crowd.

“Oh, god,” Taekwoon pressed his hands to his cheeks, feeling them flaming. Sanghyuk helpfully fanned Taekwoon’s face with his own hands as they both watched Hakyeon and Jaehwan do their victory walk around the stage, smug as anything and hamming it up.

“He really does make a gorgeous girl,” Sanghyuk said, smiling as he watched. “He has the right build and everything. It’s pretty hot.”

“Not my type,” Taekwoon said disagreeably, grumpy as hell about his impromptu stage time.

“What is your type, then, hyung?” Sanghyuk asked, eyes twinkling.

“Quiet. Demure. Humble. Non-demanding. Polite to his elders,” Taekwoon answered pointedly, though apparently his type was loud with violent tendencies and with no concept of how the maknae of a group should act. Also really cute with an adorable laugh and a really luscious mouth and a bangin' body – Taekwoon slapped himself mentally. Hard.

“So you do swing that way, hyung,” Sanghyuk murmured slyly, nudging him in the arm. “You refused to answer me when I asked you all those weeks ago. You said ‘his’.”

“Apparently so do you,” Taekwoon countered, trying not to get too flustered over this. “And as I recall, _someone_ lied outright.”

Sanghyuk’s eyes widened, suddenly stuttering. “How – I didn’t-”

“If it was a secret then you should have told Sungjae to be more careful with it,” Taekwoon said drily, heart rate picking up at the possibility that Sanghyuk hadn’t wanted to tell him because he hadn’t wanted Taekwoon to get the wrong idea about having a chance with Sanghyuk.

Sanghyuk shook his head. “I swear to god, he is so _useless_!”

“Your secret is safe with me,” Taekwoon said, deciding he didn’t need to know. He didn’t want to know. If Sanghyuk felt like he needed to draw that line with Taekwoon, then fine. It made things simpler.

“I didn’t mean to lie,” Sanghyuk continued hurriedly. “To you, I mean. It’s just that – you remember? You were going on and on about me liking Kong hyung and whether Kong hyung had seduced me into the basketball team or something and I really didn’t want you to think that. But at the time I didn’t know whether you were straight or whatever so I decided to just play it safe. You should know how it is, hyung, if you’re not straight either.”

Taekwoon hummed his understanding as they began to walk directionlessly as they talked. “But the way Sungjae said it made it sound recent, though. Like you only just figured it out.”

“Not that recent. Early this year. But I made the mistake of telling someone I shouldn’t have, and that kinda blew up in my face. So I’ve been more careful since then.”

“A boy you liked?”

“No,” Sanghyuk sighed, making a wry face at Taekwoon. “A friend. Who is no longer a friend.”

“I’m sorry,” Taekwoon said, and he meant it. “I’ve always wondered how Hongbin dares be so open about the guys he’s with sometimes. And when he flirts with – used to flirt with – Wonsik outside; I mean it’s not like he doesn’t get weird stares or gossiped about. But he doesn’t seem to care. I can’t do that.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” Sanghyuk turned to him. “Is that why your friends are all – I mean, I’ve never met so many bi or gay people together in one place in my life. Is it deliberate?”

“Flocking together for protection?” Taekwoon said, laughing softly. “I guess so. I mean, rooming with Hongbin was a fluke, but I don’t know, it all seemed to work out like that. It’s not like we don’t have any straight friends, of course, but it does make it easier when you don’t have to pretend at all around the people you’re with most of the time. You’re lucky that Sungjae is okay with you being bi, too.”

“Yeah, he’s been really good about it,” Sanghyuk said, and then looked around and laughed to find that they’d walked themselves out of the canteen and into the corridor leading to the outside. “Looks like we’re going home?”

“We can stay,” Taekwoon offered hastily.

“Nah,” Sanghyuk said, zipping up his jacket. “Let’s go back to your place and you can make me ramyun, hyung.”

“Does my servant shift start now?” Taekwoon asked sarcastically, though his heart had swelled so large within his chest it felt like it was taking over his entire body. _Sanghyuk would rather spend time with him than stay at the party_. Taekwoon was almost pathetically happy as he broke into a jog to keep up with Sanghyuk who was already running, noisily cursing the cold. _Look at you, Jung Taekwoon._

*

Wonsik was about two seconds away from murdering Hongbin right there on his own couch.

“Wonsik, it’ll never work,” Hongbin was explaining patiently. “I know you love me, and now you know I feel the same way, but you have seen how colossal a fuck-up I am with relationships. Look at all the shit I’ve done to you for the past three years. Look at the past _month_. Do you honestly want to subject yourself to that for the foreseeable future?”

Wonsik took a deep breath to calm himself. “Lee Hongbin.”

“Yes, Kim Wonsik.”

“Are you telling me you’re not even going to _try_?”

“Wonsik, I’m serious. Don’t you get why I hid this for so long?”

“Because you’re fucking stupid?”

“Don’t push it,” Hongbin warned.

“Look,” Wonsik sighed again, and then stopped and stood, turning around and gesturing impatiently for Hongbin to unzip the back of his costume. This conversation was too taxing to be had while pretending to be a skeleton.

Hongbin unzipped and Wonsik stripped off and stepped out of the full-body suit, feeling much more comfortable in only the shorts and tshirt he was wearing underneath.

“High school gym shirt,” Hongbin observed, pleased for some reason.

“Yeah,” Wonsik answered and sat down again. “Okay, look. I know you have this insecurity thing about relationships. But it’s driving me crazy that you don’t even want to give this a shot. I’ve been in love with you for years, idiot. I’ve seen you at your worst. Even this past month didn’t do anything to change the way I feel about you. Doesn’t that count for something?”

“That’s probably very unhealthy,” Hongbin observed. “I honestly haven’t been very good to you.”

“Tell me about it,” Wonsik retorted. “My point is – it’s going to take a lot to get rid of me.”

“Wonsik,” Hongbin let himself fall back against the sofa. “I can’t lose you.”

“You’re not going to lose me,” Wonsik stressed, repressing the urge to kick Hongbin. “I’m pretty sure you’re It, for me.”

“You’ve never even dated anyone else, how would you know!”

“It’s not like I never had any offers,” Wonsik shot back. “I just never wanted to. It was you or nothing.”

Hongbin closed his eyes, dragging his hands down his face. “Wonsik, I’m going to ruin your life.”

“Newsflash, genius!” Wonsik cried out. “What do you think you’ve been doing for the past month? And I’m still here!”

Hongbin opened his eyes, contemplating Wonsik from his corner of the couch. “You’re not going to take no for an answer, are you?”

“No,” Wonsik said firmly. “For once things are going to go the way I want them to.”

Hongbin didn’t reply as he looked at Wonsik and after a minute Wonsik leaned over to take Hongbin’s hand. Hongbin had never been more aware of the electric touch of someone as Wonsik’s fingers tangled with his and finally held tight, both their gazes drawn to their hands.

“I love you,” Hongbin said, so soft it was almost a whisper. “Please promise me this will work.”

“We’ll both make it work,” Wonsik answered, and Hongbin hoped he was as sure as he sounded.  “Later I’m going to beat you up for keeping this from me for so long, but after that we’ll make it work.”

Hongbin had to smile at that, and Wonsik gently poked one of his fingers into a deep dimple.

“Hakyeon hyung is going to flip his shit,” he said excitedly as the thought occurred to him, and Hongbin broke into a helpless laugh.

“Oh god, Wonsik, he hates me so much,” Hongbin moaned.

“You deserve it,” Wonsik shifted on the sofa and pulled Hongbin into a hug, the sheer joy beginning to bubble up inside of him unbelievable in its contrast to just barely an hour ago. “You’re awful.”

Hongbin settled into the hug, Wonsik’s arms tight around him and Hongbin holding on for dear life. “I’m sorry for being awful.”

“It’s okay. You’re lucky you’re so handsome or I wouldn’t let you off so easy.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Hongbin pulled back a little and when he looked at Wonsik he found Wonsik was beaming just as wide as he was.

“Are you going to cry again, Bin?”

“Fuck off.”

“I’d rather fuck you.”

Hongbin’s smile stuttered, blushing almost instantly at the words – _him_ , blushing like a virgin – and Wonsik laughed outright at the look on his face.

“Someone’s happy,” Hongbin griped, trying hard to get a hold of himself.

“I am,” Wonsik said, and the sincerity in his voice made Hongbin stop and look up. “I’m really, really happy, Bin.”

Hongbin watched him for a few seconds, slow answering smile spreading across his face. Hongbin leaned in close – he could do that now, right? – and kissed Wonsik, Wonsik meeting him halfway. The kiss was unhurried and sweet, the two of them taking their time to get used to the feel of their mouths on each other’s, the slow slide of lips and tongue thrilling despite the chastity of the kiss. Wonsik’s heart was pounding by the time they broke apart – this was nothing like the kiss with Jaehwan, which had been _good_ but not great like this, not earthshattering and mindblowing and boneshaking like this. Hongbin’s lips were soft like he remembered, but now with the both of them sober and hyper-aware of each other the sheer heat between them was unmistakeable.

“Meant to be,” Wonsik whispered into Hongbin’s mouth, pressing another kiss with his whole heart gifted inside it to Hongbin’s lips.

*


	14. Chapter 14

“I’ll give you back the costume, then you-”

Taekwoon stopped mid-sentence, front door keys still in hand, as he stared dumbly at the sight that greeted him from his sofa. Sanghyuk behind him bumped hard into his back as Taekwoon didn’t move further into the living room as expected, and Sanghyuk had to grab onto Taekwoon’s blazer to steady himself.

“Hyung?” Sanghyuk asked, confused, then shut himself up with an audible gasp as he too saw it.

“You’re back,” Hongbin smiled from where him and Wonsik were stretched out on the sofa, Hongbin’s head pillowed on Wonsik’s chest and one of Wonsik’s hands lazily threading through his hair.

“You’re probably just as surprised as I am, hyung,” Wonsik said by way of greeting, gesturing to Hongbin with his free hand.

“Is that so,” Taekwoon said slowly, taking small steps towards the blissed-out pair on the sofa as if something was liable to explode any moment. Sanghyuk, however, had clasped both hands in front of him and looked like he was about to take flight with the amount of squee that was building up in him.

“Exactly what’s happening here, if you don’t mind me asking?” Taekwoon asked cautiously, wondering if Hongbin was again Fucking Things Up.

“Tell him,” Wonsik nudged Hongbin. “You should have seen the waterworks just now, hyung. It was amazing.”

“Waterworks..?”

Hongbin made a growly sound and turned his head away to face the back of the sofa, Wonsik laughing softly and jiggling Hongbin in the process. When Hongbin refused to answer, Wonsik turned back to Taekwoon and Sanghyuk. He looked so contented and happy Taekwoon dared to hope Hongbin had done something right for once.

“I think this means we’re together. _Apparently_ he feels the same way I do.” 

Sanghyuk couldn’t help the tiny squeal he let out at this as he whipped round to Taekwoon.

“I told you!”

Taekwoon sent him a quieting glance, turning back to Wonsik and Hongbin. “This _just_ happened?”

Wonsik nodded. “We’ve been talking it out.”

“Are you sure you want to do this with him?” Taekwoon lowered his voice and gestured uncertainly to Hongbin, Hongbin quickly turning back to look at him with an unimpressed face on.

“Thanks for the confidence in me, hyung.”

“I had to ask – oh, my god,” Taekwoon broke off as the thought hit him. “Hakyeon is going to flip his shit.”

Hongbin and Wonsik both dissolved instantly into giggles, Wonsik screwing up his face in his mirth quite adorably.

“You guys are okay, right? You’re good?”

“I think so,” Wonsik said, tucking his chin in to look down at Hongbin who was tilting his head back to do the same. They looked at each other a moment before Wonsik smiled, quiet and intimate, Hongbin mirroring it. “Yeah, hyung. Thanks.”

Sanghyuk had drifted nearer, the look on his face so sappy Hongbin felt like throwing him out of the window once Hongbin caught sight of it.

“Okay, well, good,” Taekwoon continued, suddenly awkward. “You’re not going to spend the whole night on the sofa like that, are you?”

“Good point, hyung,” Hongbin said enthusiastically like a wonderful idea had just occurred to him. He sat up, nudging Wonsik up as well. “Let’s go to bed, Wonsik.”

“Bed?” Wonsik blinked quickly, looking up at Taekwoon and Sanghyuk and _blushing_.  Hongbin got off the sofa and took Wonsik’s hand to pull him insistently along towards his bedroom, Wonsik’s blush deepening with every step he took. “I still – my makeup – I have to wash it off-”

“I’m really happy for you, hyungs!” Sanghyuk called after them before they disappeared into Hongbin’s room, Hongbin stopping to grin over his shoulder.

“Maybe we can double-date sometime?” he asked sweetly, then shut the door behind him.

Taekwoon could _feel_ his ears start to flame as he let out an embarrassed laugh, glancing briefly at Sanghyuk to see Sanghyuk’s own cheeks dusted with pink as well. What a whole lot of blushing there was going on suddenly, to be sure.

“Um,” Taekwoon started intelligently. “What a joker.”

“Haha,” Sanghyuk agreed readily. “Uh, so-”

“Yeah?” Taekwoon said quickly.

“Take off your pants, hyung. Um! Nononono,” Sanghyuk stopped himself in alarm at the look on Taekwoon's face. “I mean, your pants – and your blazer, you can take them off and give them back to me, and I’ll dryclean them together with my jacket, when I – when I return it all,” Sanghyuk finished, cheeks pinker than ever.

“Okay,” Taekwoon nodded, turning around to go into his room with as much dignity as he could muster. _Fucking Hongbin!_ He reached over to take his tshirt lying over the back of the sofa and then frowned, using his other hand to feel it.

“Why is this damp?” he muttered, walking off.

He changed and gave his blazer and pants back to Sanghyuk, who went downstairs to have a shower and change as well before coming back up for the promised hyung-made ramyun. Sanghyuk came back up with wet hair and in his usual ‘at-home’ uniform of shorts and baggy tshirt to find the ramyun already cooking, Taekwoon having bathed in record time to be done before Sanghyuk got back. He had resolutely _not_ thought about Sanghyuk’s hip mole during his shower, the only thing he allowed to have on his mind the horrifying thought of having to deal with a boner while cooking Sanghyuk ramyun with Sanghyuk sitting _right there_.

Sanghyuk with wet hair, smelling fresh and looking soft, however: so many dangers Taekwoon had to deal with. Hip moles were just the start of it all.

Taekwoon stood at the pot, watching it carefully to make sure it didn’t boil over while Sanghyuk puttered around him getting their chopsticks and water cups out of the various cupboards. He moved around like he lived here, and Taekwoon supposed with the number of times he’d been over he’d gotten familiar enough with the house that he could find things with ease – it made Taekwoon’s heart flutter a bit. Sanghyuk had somehow wormed his way into his life so totally without Taekwoon even realising it.

Taekwoon brought the ramyun pot to the little dining table, Sanghyuk already sitting and waiting, handing Taekwoon his chopsticks in comfortable silence. Taekwoon noticed Sanghyuk had filled up his cup with carrot juice, not Hongbin’s lime juice he knew was also in the fridge – he didn’t know when he’d told Sanghyuk he hated lime juice, but somehow Sanghyuk had remembered.

Sanghyuk’s eyes kept darting to Hongbin’s closed door, and when he caught Taekwoon doing it too he started to laugh mid-chew.

“You’re also wondering what they’re doing in there,” Sanghyuk said, grinning. “Also, I’m going to say it again: I told you so.”

Taekwoon shook his head. “Those two. It’s neverending.”

“Aren’t you happy for them?” Sanghyuk wheedled, gesturing with his chopsticks. “They looked so happy together, hyung, you can’t be that cynical.”

“I’m just being practical,” Taekwoon protested. “I’m going to wait and see what’s what, and then if everything goes well without Hongbin being an asshole for at least a month then I’ll relax and give them my blessings.”

“But it’s so romantic,” Sanghyuk pretended to swoon. “Best friends falling in love.”

Taekwoon gave Sanghyuk a Look, and Sanghyuk sniggered.

“I’m super curious now to find out what happened. You better go bug Kong hyung for me for the deets. Also, this is good ramyun, better than last time. You’re improving, servant hyung.”

Taekwoon ignored him and kept eating, hearing instead of seeing the teasing grin in Sanghyuk’s voice. When had things gotten this – easy between them? This comfortable? The feeling of closeness between them was compelling.

He looked up then, watching the way Sanghyuk’s fringe fell into his eyes, his soft hair drying fluffy. How had it taken Taekwoon so long to realise how he felt? It seemed ridiculous, now – he didn’t know if he was just obtuse or a master at self-denial. Was it that he had thought he couldn’t possibly like Sanghyuk because Sanghyuk was younger than anyone he’d dated before, or he couldn’t possibly have developed feelings for Sanghyuk in such a short time since they’d met, or he couldn’t possibly like Sanghyuk because he was supposed to be this cool older sunbae and around Sanghyuk all that just went flying out the window?

But at least now that Sanghyuk was wearing more clothes Taekwoon could be more relaxed. He was fine. He was chill.

Taekwoon carried the empty ramyun pot to the sink and turned on the tap, and immediately jumped as he felt Sanghyuk reach around him with one hand to drop his chopsticks into the sink as well, one warm hand on Taekwoon’s back. Sanghyuk’s chest was barely touching Taekwoon’s shoulder but the memory of what that chest looked like – _AND THE HIP MOLE_ – came blaring back full-force to the forefront of Taekwoon’s mind.

“It’s just me,” Sanghyuk laughed while Taekwoon cursed himself and all his ancestors.

 _Breathe_ , Taekwoon reminded himself. _This is okay. You can get through this. It’s just that you haven’t gotten laid in a very long time. It’s a natural reaction. Let’s not humiliate ourselves here._

“I want to listen to your songs again,” Sanghyuk said once Taekwoon had finished washing up – why was _he_ doing the cleaning when he’d been the one making the ramyun?? – and walked off into Taekwoon’s room without waiting for Taekwoon; as if Taekwoon’s bedroom was familiar territory to him, like what was Taekwoon’s was his also – Taekwoon had to stop and tell himself to breathe again. Sanghyuk with his soft hair and soft clothes hiding _that body_ in his bed listening to Taekwoon’s music – this was getting all a bit too much to handle for one night when said night had already contained a half-naked Sanghyuk in skintight swim trunks. And yet, the last thing Taekwoon wanted was for Sanghyuk to leave.

Taekwoon followed Sanghyuk into his bedroom and fervently hoped he wasn’t getting in too deep.

*

Wonsik scrubbed off what he hoped was the last of the makeup with the wet wipes Hongbin had found for him, looking up at Hongbin to see if it was all gone. Hongbin nodded and beckoned him over to the bed where he was lounging, and Wonsik felt a rather unpleasant sense of déjà vu kick in because of what had happened the last time he had been here.

Hongbin reached for him but Wonsik pulled back, batting Hongbin’s hands away. “Taekwoon hyung and Sanghyuk are just outside!”

“We’ll be quiet,” Hongbin promised, trying to pull Wonsik down onto the bed all the same. “They won’t hear a thing.”

“Isn’t this moving a bit fast?” Wonsik asked sarcastically, putting his hands on his hips.

“Wonsik,” Hongbin rolled his eyes. “We _have_ already-”

“Yeah, but I want to do it properly this time,” Wonsik countered, and Hongbin fell serious, watching Wonsik with a thoughtful look on his face.

“You’re right,” Hongbin said finally. “No – you’re right. We should do it properly.”

Wonsik sat down next to Hongbin and ran his fingers down Hongbin’s cheek. “This is big, you know? For me?”

“What is?” Hongbin asked, taking Wonsik’s hand.

“Just sitting here with you, holding hands like this. You telling me you feel the same way I have felt for you for so long. Being able to kiss you-” Wonsik leaned over, pressing a quick kiss to the side of Hongbin’s mouth. “All of this. Part of my brain still is still stuck on two hours ago when you told me you love me. And I can’t believe I would never have known if I hadn’t come barging over here tonight.”

Hongbin looked down at their hands entwined in his lap. “I’m sorry-”

“No, I don’t mean that, I don’t need you to keep apologising,” Wonsik interrupted gently. “I’m just saying… let’s go slow. Not everything has to happen tonight. Let’s take our time. Enjoy it.”

Hongbin nodded, looking up after a while. “Wonsik?”

“Yeah, Bin?”

“Can we at least make out?”

Wonsik snorted in amusement, already pushing Hongbin down onto the mattress underneath him. Hongbin eagerly surged up against him, one hand going into Wonsik’s hair and the other splaying across Wonsik’s back, their legs tangling as Hongbin’s mouth opened readily under Wonsik’s. Kissing Hongbin was a revelation – the way he tasted and the small sounds he made as Wonsik explored different angles and how it felt to drag Hongbin’s lower lip between his teeth and how to deepen their kisses, wet and open-mouthed; and Hongbin let Wonsik take his time, running his hands up Wonsik’s sides and loving the feel of Wonsik’s body against his. It was so new, and yet not – but not hazy this time, not drunken and with an undercurrent of hurt. It felt so much lighter, so much better.

Wonsik kissed down from Hongbin’s mouth, Hongbin sighing in pleasure as Wonsik sucked experimentally at the soft skin just underneath his jaw.

“Wonsik, keep that up and I’m not going to be able to stop,” Hongbin whispered, “That spot right there – yes-”

“I’ll make a point to remember that,” Wonsik murmured, voice deep and low, kissing his way back up to Hongbin’s mouth. He let Hongbin take control this time and his head began to swim with the way Hongbin was kissing him, urgent and needy and not breaking apart for air until the both of them were panting.

“Wonsik,” Hongbin breathed, stealing searing kisses.

“Yeah?” Wonsik felt one of Hongbin’s hands grip his hip to keep him in place as Hongbin ground up against him – he was hard, achingly hard and he didn’t know if he could keep to his own word about taking it slow, not if Hongbin was going to be like this –

“I’m a better kisser than Jaehwan, right?”

“Oh, my god,” Wonsik bit down on Hongbin’s lower lip in retaliation and Hongbin yipped indignantly. “I do _not_ want to think about Jaehwan hyung right now, Bin-”

“I’m better, I knew it,” Hongbin crowed, as if Wonsik had answered him.

“Shut up.” Wonsik kissed Hongbin again to quiet him, Hongbin’s hands sliding up inside Wonsik’s shirt and digging his nails into Wonsik’s back.

*

“Sing it to me, hyung,” Sanghyuk whispered quietly, face barely inches from Taekwoon’s own as they lay together in the dark in Taekwoon’s bed, sharing earphones. Taekwoon wondered again how Sanghyuk hadn’t managed to hear his heart slamming in his chest at their proximity, a stark contrast to how relaxed a sleepy and languid Sanghyuk was. It was unbearably intimate, this – Taekwoon couldn’t understand how Sanghyuk was here if he didn’t at least – a little – feel the same; surely? Normal friends didn’t do this, didn’t lie this close together in the dark passing whispers from mouths barely a kiss apart.

“You want me to sing it? Now?”

“Yes. This song.”

Taekwoon hesitated. “You just listened to it-”

“I want to hear you sing it live,” Sanghyuk said, and there was a hint of familiar teasing in his voice. “Like a private concert. When you get famous I can tell everyone I heard it first.”

“Famous-” Taekwoon broke off, flustered. He took a few breaths and started to sing it softly as best he could, and in the darkness he could just make out Sanghyuk mouthing along to the words.

Taekwoon was glad of the darkness surrounding them as it hid his predictable blush once he was done, Sanghyuk smiling sleepily at him.

“Thank you, hyung,” Sanghyuk whispered. “Will you give your first autographed CD to me?”

Taekwoon exhaled in amusement. “I’m not aiming to become an idol, Sanghyuk.”

“Hyung, why don’t you call me Hyuk, or Hyukkie, like the others,” Sanghyuk yawned, rolling over onto his back and getting comfortable. It seemed taken for granted he’d be sleeping here tonight, even though he could easily go back down to his own apartment – no, he was sleeping here. Taekwoon didn’t want him to go. “I’d like it if you did.”

“Oh,” Taekwoon said, putting away his earphones underneath his pillow, Sanghyuk helping him arrange the blanket so it covered them both. Taekwoon’s chest _panged_.  “Sure, H-Hyuk-ah. Hyukkie. Hyuk.”

“Makes me feel closer to you,” Sanghyuk murmured contentedly, eyes already closed.

Taekwoon stared at Sanghyuk for a few moments before he closed his eyes too, already knowing he wasn’t going to be getting any sleep that night.

God, he was in trouble.

*


	15. Chapter 15

Taekwoon awoke first, trying to stay within his warm bubble of sleep but vague clankings coming from the kitchen wouldn’t allow it. Wonsik and Hongbin must be up then – how strange it was to think of them as an official ‘them’, a couple – after their intense push and pull for so long Taekwoon never thought this was how they were actually going to end up. Sanghyuk really had been right, and that grated somewhat on Taekwoon’s idea of how well he knew Hongbin and his own powers of observation. Sanghyuk had seen it straight off but Taekwoon had known Hongbin for years and hadn’t known for sure; though to be completely honest Taekwoon still wasn’t sure about Hongbin. He couldn’t be blamed for his misgivings knowing how Hongbin had been acting all this while; Taekwoon was understandably hesitant to announce the happy ending at the end of the fairytale yet though he hoped to god he was wrong.

Taekwoon looked at Sanghyuk still asleep next to him – another strange, surreal thing.

Sanghyuk’s arm was outstretched, the back of his hand lightly resting against Taekwoon’s side like he’d reached out in the middle of the night, needing to touch. Taekwoon’s gaze ran down from Sanghyuk’s face relaxed in sleep, looking soft and young, to the tips of the fingers brushing Taekwoon’s body, and he lifted a finger and gently stroked Sanghyuk’s thumb in place of the high cheekbone – full bottom lip – adorable nose – he wanted to caress. Taekwoon closed his eyes in mortification; he’d just thought of Sanghyuk’s nose as ‘adorable’. _That’s it_. Taekwoon wanted to cancel himself.

_Why are you here, Sanghyuk?_

Sanghyuk was so close – closer than it made sense for him to be, quietly sleeping in Taekwoon’s bed as if they were lovers and next to Taekwoon was where it was natural for Sanghyuk to wake up every morning. If they were lovers – if Sanghyuk was his and he was Sanghyuk’s – he could wake Sanghyuk up in so many ways, each one more appealing than the last. Sanghyuk could curl into him, put his head on Taekwoon’s chest, let Taekwoon hold him and play the protective hyung while Sanghyuk dozed; they could take their time waking up, innocent cuddling for the warmth of feeling safe and cherished as well as things far less innocent, Sanghyuk’s sleep-rough voice moaning and bare limbs still languid as they started the day right.

Taekwoon closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

He slid his phone out from under his pillow and checked the time, half-expecting to see a million missed messages and calls from Hakyeon since Wonsik hadn’t gone home last night. Wonsik must have texted him some excuse because there was nothing from Hakyeon at all – oh, Hakyeon. The fireworks when Wonsik broke the news to him were going to be spectacular.

It was nine twenty-six – no wonder the other two were already awake. Taekwoon couldn’t help but think of the last time Sanghyuk had slept over and what had happened with Wonsik and Hongbin then; Taekwoon wondered if they’d had sex again last night, if the way Hongbin had lit up at the thought of going to bed together had been any indication. If they had, Taekwoon wryly hoped it had gone much better than the last time – and then Taekwoon realised that if so then they’d been having sex just a wall apart from him and Sanghyuk and the flashes of mouths on heated skin and bodies moving together that immediately ran through his brain again made him have to stop and take more deep breaths. This was hell. The longer Sanghyuk was here in his bed the worse it was going to be for Taekwoon.

He put a hand on Sanghyuk’s stomach, feeling the heat of Sanghyuk’s skin seep through his shirt – he couldn’t help it – and shook Sanghyuk awake, Sanghyuk slowly blinking to life after a few repeated shakes. Taekwoon quickly withdrew his hand.

“What time is it,” Sanghyuk mumbled blearily, rubbing at his eyes with both hands in a way Taekwoon found ridiculously cute. Taekwoon held out his phone over Sanghyuk’s face for him to see, but the grip he had on it wasn’t as strong as he thought it was and it fell like a torpedo straight down hitting Sanghyuk hard on his (adorable) nose.

Sanghyuk wailed as Taekwoon burst out laughing before sitting up and trying to find the breath in between to apologise and pull Sanghyuk’s hands away from his face to assess the damage. Sanghyuk’s eyes were watering, and Taekwoon tried to help rub the bridge of Sanghyuk’s nose where the phone had hit him but he was laughing too hard at the look of intense betrayal on Sanghyuk’s face.

“First thing in the morning, hyung,” Sanghyuk said reproachfully, looking up at him through tear-filled eyes, and Taekwoon had to bury his face in the pillow to make himself stop laughing. God, it almost hurt because of how easy it was, how comfortable with Sanghyuk Taekwoon felt. Was this all just platonic? Was Taekwoon crazy? If Hakyeon and Hongbin could see it did that mean he’d been horribly obvious all this time and even _Sanghyuk_ knew? Taekwoon shivered a little at the thought.

He had a flashback to when Sanghyuk had looked him straight in the eye, all those weeks ago, and told him that he was good at knowing about ‘these things’ – back then he’d been talking about Wonsik and Hongbin, and he’d been right. If Taekwoon had been as obvious as Hakyeon and Hongbin thought then was that why Sanghyuk was here? Was he here _despite_ that?

Taekwoon was a roiling ball of emotions as they went through the motions of waking up and washing up – Day Two of being aware he was crushing hard on Sanghyuk, and things were just getting worse and worse. Taekwoon thought he rather preferred it when he was being oblivious to it all.

Taekwoon gave Sanghyuk a spare toothbrush and steadily ignored the pathetic jump of his heart at Sanghyuk’s little pleased comment that it could be his toothbrush in Taekwoon’s apartment from now on for future sleepovers, as if it was the most natural thing in the world and Sanghyuk expected to be staying over a lot. Taekwoon tried to imagine a small chorus of voices in his mind helpfully shouting ‘no!’ every time the suggestion that Sanghyuk could possibly want more from him than just friendship came up – much more sanity-preserving than the promise of ‘maybe?’ or the optimism of ‘yes!’

Taekwoon went out into the kitchen first, and immediately wrinkled his nose at the excessively saccharine sight that greeted him.

Hongbin was making breakfast – toast; Hongbin had never been good with actual cooking – and Wonsik was attached to his back in a relentless koala hug that refused to let go even as Hongbin had to move around from the toaster to get the butter out of the fridge. The moment Hongbin saw Taekwoon he pretended to be exasperated at Wonsik, but Taekwoon had seen the smile on his face just moments before. Wonsik ignored him, peaceful look on his face unfaltering.

“Is this what I’m going to have to deal with all the time now?” Taekwoon asked, hardly at all as unimpressed as he was affecting to be. It was so good to see them happy together for once.

“Yes,” Wonsik answered the same time Hongbin said “No”, and Hongbin jiggled him violently.

“Get off, you leech,” Hongbin complained, and Wonsik just placidly tightened his arms around Hongbin.

“What did you tell Hakyeon about where you were the whole night?” Taekwoon asked Wonsik, hiding a smile and sneaking a slice of buttered toast. “I didn’t wake up to him raising the alarm and calling the cops.”

Wonsik rolled his eyes. “I texted him I was crashing with a dance crew friend. He’s going to kill me when he finds out but at least I’m safe for now.”

“I’m getting a bit offended by this,” Hongbin sniffed, buttering more toast to replace the one Taekwoon stole. “I’m not that bad.”

Taekwoon and Wonsik gave Hongbin identical looks, and Hongbin meekly continued buttering.

Sanghyuk breezed into the kitchen heading straight for the toast like a homing beacon without a word, only stopping once he had a slice in his mouth and another in his hand.

“Good morning – oh, it’s hug time!” He attached himself to Wonsik’s back with his free arm, an exaggeratedly contented look on his face as he snuggled. “Come on, Taekwoon hyung, join the hug train.”

“You will not mock me in my own house while eating my food, Han Sanghyuk,” Hongbin said sternly even as Wonsik cracked up, Taekwoon half wanting to take Sanghyuk up on his offer – both to embarrass Hongbin further as well as get in an opportunistic cuddle; honestly, it was just win-win here – but Sanghyuk let go almost immediately, devil grin on his face.

Wonsik finally let go of Hongbin at the same time and straightened up, going to get water from the fridge.

“How are you going to tell Hakyeon?” Taekwoon asked, leaning on the kitchen counter. “You can’t stay here forever. And if you move in I’m charging you rent.”

“Well,” Wonsik turned around, making what Taekwoon slowly realised were puppy eyes in his direction. He looked at Hongbin for an explanation only to find Hongbin doing the same.

“What?” Taekwoon asked, alarmed.

“We were hoping you could tell him for us?” Hongbin asked, smiling winningly.

“Are you kidding me?” Taekwoon scowled. “Why do I have to do it?”

“Because you’ll be able to calm him down. He listens to you,” Hongbin pleaded, Wonsik still making puppy eyes.

“Please, hyung. What if you ask him out for breakfast? Then I can go back and get some stuff if I need to hide out here for a few days until he settles down.”

“This is kind of romantic. Defying everyone to be with the one you love,” Hongbin grinned, and Wonsik leaned in for a kiss before Taekwoon cleared his throat impatiently, Sanghyuk making a small sound of disappointment when they moved apart.

“Sorry, grandpa,” Hongbin rolled his eyes. “You and Hakyeon are exactly the same, I swear.”

“I’m just afraid that once you start you’re not going to stop and soon it won’t be safe to open my eyes in my own home,” Taekwoon retorted. “First it starts with prolonged hugging activities in the kitchen. By next week if I catch you doing it on the sofa I’m throwing the both of you out.”

“How do you know we didn’t already do it on the sofa?” Hongbin countered, and then dodged the swipe Taekwoon took at him.

“As long as I don’t see it,” Taekwoon said primly.

“So you’ll tell Hakyeon hyung? Text him now, ask him out for brunch. Gogo,” Hongbin urged, shameless.

Taekwoon sighed but went to get his phone nonetheless. Hakyeon agreed instantly, and Taekwoon knew Hakyeon knew something was up. Taekwoon didn’t suddenly make plans for brunch for no reason.

“You’re doing god’s work,” Hongbin told him as he made his way to the front door ten minutes later, changed and ready to go face the music on Hongbin and Wonsik’s behalf. He really was too much of a pushover.

Sanghyuk smiled at him and waved him goodbye from the sofa – had Hongbin been serious when he’d said they already might have banged on it? – and Taekwoon wished that this tiny slice of domestic bliss was true; that Sanghyuk would be here when he got back because they shared a house and a life. Sanghyuk was still slightly tousled and looking relaxed and so particularly good in his nondescript home clothes Taekwoon’s heart squeezed in such a way that reminded Taekwoon of a heart attack. Dangerous.

When the door closed behind Taekwoon Sanghyuk got to his feet. “Okay, I think I should go too, actually. I don’t want to impose on you hyungs if you want to – uh, use the sofa.”

“You sit,” Hongbin ordered, putting down the plate of toast in Wonsik’s lap in a hurry and making his way over to Sanghyuk’s side importantly. “Spill it. What’s going on with you and Taekwoon hyung?”

“Nothing,” Sanghyuk protested, and then at the supremely unamused look on Hongbin’s face he added in a smaller resigned voice, “-unfortunately.”

“Yes!” Hongbin crowed, whipping around to Wonsik and holding out his hand commandingly, Wonsik sighing. “Pay up _now_.”

“My money’s at home,” Wonsik said, crunching into another slice of toast.

“You bet on me?” Sanghyuk demanded. “That I like Taekwoon hyung?”

“He refused to admit I was right,” Hongbin shrugged, gesturing behind him to Wonsik.

“I should have bet on you two then, I’d be richer right now too,” Sanghyuk huffed, embarrassed.

“What do you mean?” Hongbin asked, eyes wide.

“I told Taekwoon hyung weeks ago that you had feelings for Wonsik hyung. He didn’t believe me either.”

“What?” Hongbin looked genuinely taken aback. “How did you know?”

“I just knew,” it was Sanghyuk’s turn to shrug this time. “It seemed clear to me.”

“Kid, you could have saved me a lot of heartache if you’d told me instead of Taekwoon hyung,” Wonsik shook his head.

“Han Sanghyuk, you’re scary,” Hongbin declared, eyeing him. “I don’t like thinking I’m that obvious.”

“You weren’t,” Sanghyuk assured him. “I’m just good at these things.”

“If you’re that good that means you know Taekwoon hyung likes you too?” Hongbin asked slyly, watching for Sanghyuk’s reaction, and he wasn’t disappointed. Sanghyuk gave a mix between a splutter and a gasp, trying to do both at once and just ending up making a weird noise and going red.

“Oh, please. How many freshmen he’s hardly known for two months do you think he lets sleep over in his bed?” Hongbin rolled his eyes.

“Hyung,” Sanghyuk began plaintively. “I really think it’s all me. I’ve been absolutely shameless about this, like I’m the one who just doesn’t go home at night, I’m the one always suggesting I come over, I’m the one who texts to ask him out for lunch or whatever. Honestly, I can’t believe the things I do and say around him just _hinting_ like hell but he never initiates anything. I really think he’s just being polite.”

“Have you tried just telling him?” Hongbin gestured impatiently, hands out.

“No way. I’m not saying anything unless I know I’m not going to get shot down,” Sanghyuk said. “I’ve never – this is my first thing with a guy. I’m not really certain of myself.”

“You’re still you, Hyukkie,” Hongbin soothed. “But I get it. He’s older, too, and all that. But Hyukkie, I’m serious. If I’m wrong you can – you can make me do all your laundry for a week, or something. Which won’t happen, because I’m not wrong.”

Sanghyuk screwed up his face. “I think he maybe just really likes me as a friend. Like how he feels towards you. He’s even sweeter towards you, you have to admit that. He buys you food and worries about you all the time.”

“And he does that thing without thinking where he runs his fingers through your hair,” Wonsik supplied, Hongbin twisting around to look at him.

“Jealous?” Hongbin asked, grinning at first Wonsik then Sanghyuk. Sanghyuk glared.

“Okay, okay, sorry. But _no_ , him and me are like Hakyeon and Wonsik. Him and you,” Hongbin prodded Sanghyuk in the leg, “are something completely different. Trust me. If we can see that you like him then he can see it as well and he doesn’t like complicated situations. If you were making him uncomfortable he would have avoided you long ago. That means he wants you around.”

“I don’t know if that’s supposed to make me feel better or worse,” Sanghyuk muttered.

“Last thing I need to know,” Hongbin said briskly. “Do you just want to fuck him or are you looking for everlasting love and happiness?”

“Hyung!” Sanghyuk objected, blush returning. “How can you say such things with such a straight face?”

“He has no shame, that’s why,” Wonsik explained, getting up and going into the kitchen to wash the toast plate.

“Well?” Hongbin prompted, giving no sign he heard Wonsik.

“…Both?” Sanghyuk answered helplessly.

“Good answer,” Hongbin grinned.

*

Taekwoon pushed open the doors of the café where Hakyeon worked, Hakyeon wanting to meet somewhere convenient before he started his shift for the day. He made his way to a back table where Hakyeon had already ordered for the both of them, a full breakfast set for Taekwoon and a bagel for himself, and Taekwoon had hardly sat down and taken off his jacket before Hakyeon was already asking questions.

“The manager just told me Wonsik called in sick today and changed his shift to Thursday. What’s going on?”

“Why do you think I know?” Taekwoon asked, stalling for time. “Ooh, eggs.”

“Don’t ‘ooh, eggs’ me. I know you know. I also know you know I have work today and you wouldn’t ask me to have brunch so close to the starting of my shift. If you had something normal to tell me you would just have texted me. You hate going out in the cold so this has got to be important. What is it?”

Taekwoon took a deep apprehensive breath. “Fine, detective. You know – you know how there comes a time where we need to let go and trust that the people around us can make good decisions for themselves in life, because if we hold on to them too tightly they will never know, um, they will never-” Taekwoon had to stop and think, having lost himself along the way. The frown on Hakyeon’s face could have powered a small village.

“What has Wonsik done?” Hakyeon asked, light tone belying the look on his face.

Taekwoon gave up. “Hongbin.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Hakyeon demanded, tight grip on his knife and fork a little frightening.

“When Wonsik disappeared from the party last night – he went to see Hongbin. I don’t know what triggered the whole thing but apparently there was lots of crying, Wonsik said, and Hongbin confessed he actually feels the same way towards Wonsik and now they’re together.”

Taekwoon cringed a little inside, knowing his delivery could have been a lot better. Stupid Wonsik. He would have done a much better job; Taekwoon didn’t even know all the details.

Hakyeon was staring at him wordlessly, and Taekwoon rather wanted to be elsewhere when the explosion came, if it came at all.

Hakyeon abruptly started laughing.

“I’m sorry, Taek – I thought I heard you say Wonsik and Hongbin are together now. What did you actually say?”

Taekwoon grimaced, keeping quiet but wondering if he ran out of the restaurant now how far he’d make it before Hakyeon caught him. Hakyeon stopped laughing.

“Is this a joke?” Hakyeon asked, and his voice was dangerous. Taekwoon shook his head.

“Wonsik’s been at your place the whole night?” Hakyeon asked slowly, after a few more moments of silence. “And I suppose he changed his shift today because he didn’t know how I was going to take it.”

“We all know how you feel about him and Hongbin,” Taekwoon tried, as unaccusingly as he could. “You know I’m not a fan of their nonsense all these years either, Hakyeon, but – I saw them together last night and this morning and they look so happy. I promise, I’m not lying.”

Hakyeon put down the knife and fork and leaned back in his chair, shaking his head. “I don’t get it. Hongbin hurt Wonsik so badly – and now they’re together?”

“I think we’re going to have to trust them, Hakyeon,” Taekwoon bumped his foot against Hakyeon’s under the table in a small show of understanding. “I’m hesitant too, I mean. I don’t completely expect Hongbin to suddenly be a model boyfriend – I don’t even know if he knows how. But I don’t think this is something we can interfere in.”

“So when Hongbin breaks Wonsik’s heart yet again I’m just supposed to be the one to hold Wonsik and console him like all the other times?” Hakyeon asked bitterly. “I’ve had enough of seeing Wonsik cry over Hongbin, Taek. How can anybody be so stupid?”

Taekwoon made a face. “I know, Hakyeon. But – honestly. I’ve never seen Wonsik look so happy.”

“Yeah, he’s happy _now_ ,” Hakyeon snapped.

“Hakyeon, please? Just – wait and see. Be as supportive as you can. If it doesn’t work out then it doesn’t but they’re the ones who are going to have to go through it. I think Wonsik is really going to resent you if you go all doom and gloom on him.”

Hakyeon looked away, not answering. Taekwoon was starting to feel desperate. He could see Hakyeon’s frustration and pain over this whole thing – that was the worst part. If their places were switched he’d be reacting the exact same way and he didn’t blame Hakyeon one bit – it was going to take a lot for Hakyeon to be able to trust Hongbin with Wonsik, and Taekwoon only hoped that Hongbin was up to the task. Personally, for himself, he didn’t know how to was going to be able to face Hakyeon if Hongbin did indeed royally fuck up once more.

The icy silence stretched on uncomfortably and finally Taekwoon took a deep breath. _I’m sacrificing myself for you, Hongbin. You better be fucking grateful._

“Anyway, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about Sanghyuk,” Taekwoon began, clearing his throat, and Hakyeon gave him a quick side glance. _Success!_

“What about Sanghyuk?” Hakyeon asked.

“You were right,” Taekwoon said, surrendering.

Hakyeon sat up, tempered look of delight stealing across his face. “What exactly do you mean?”

“I like him. You were right. You can gloat now.”

Hakyeon smiled a slow smile full of satisfaction – not as wide as it would have been had Taekwoon not just sprung the news about Wonsik and Hongbin on him, but wide enough – and a glimpse of the usual sunshine Hakyeon was shone through. Taekwoon hadn’t truly realised how much the whole Wonsik and Hongbin thing was weighing down on Hakyeon.

“I’m going to relish those three words for as long as I live,” Hakyeon smiled beatifically. “’You were right’. What a wonderful phrase.”

“Shut up and eat your bagel,” Taekwoon grumbled, finally letting himself loose on his scrambled eggs.

*

Hongbin met Taekwoon at the door when he got back, thinly disguised look of concern on his face. Taekwoon registered Hongbin’s worry and filed it away under things to be heartened by, because if Hongbin cared this much that Hakyeon took the news well it had to mean he had Wonsik’s best interests at heart.

“What did he say? Was he very angry?”

Taekwoon didn’t answer immediately, looking around the apartment and registering the lack of Wonsiks and Sanghyuks.

“Yeah, Hyukkie went home. Wonsik went to get a few things.”

“So he’s coming back?”

“That depends on how Hakyeon hyung reacted,” Hongbin said meaningfully, pulling on Taekwoon’s arm.

“He’s not happy, Bin, but you already knew he wasn’t going to be,” Taekwoon hung up his coat. “But I think he’s going to try to be supportive for Wonsik’s sake. Even more reason for you to be on your best behaviour.”

Hongbin frowned. “We’re going to have fights sometimes, hyung, things are going to happen-”

“Not normal couple stuff, Binnie. I mean _you_ have to try your best not to be an idiot and treat Wonsik like you did before. Push him away, be all possessive and toxic. You know what I mean. I don’t know what Hakyeon is going to do to you if you hurt Wonsik again,” Taekwoon paused. “I don’t know what _I_ would do to you.”

Hongbin looked up, hint of betrayal in his eyes.

“Make it work, Bin. You owe it to him, and to yourself.”

“Any other advice, oh wise guru?” Hongbin asked sarcastically, and Taekwoon immediately aimed a flick at his cheek.

“That’s exactly what I mean. Don’t get defensive! He’s not going to give you another chance if you fuck it up, Hongbin, I think you know it as well as I do.”

Hongbin threw up his hands in exasperation. “I’ve never wanted to be in a relationship before, hyung. I’m going to get jealous. I’m going to get scared that I need him. I’m already scared and I don’t even know what about. And if he leaves me-”

Hongbin broke off.

“That’s all relationships, Bin,” Taekwoon said gently. “Get used to it.”

“Just fucking’s so much easier,” Hongbin muttered. “But no, I want to hold his _hand_. I want to bring him out and _buy him things_. I want to travel with him and watch the look on his face as he sees new things, new places. I want to wake up with him every morning, oh _god_.”

Hongbin dropped his face into his hands.

Taekwoon watched him fondly until Hongbin had gotten a grip on himself and straightened up.

“Hyukkie said to tell you he’s going to be home all day if you want to go over and do stuff,” Hongbin said, voice and face neutral, the previous topic clearly over.

“Oh,” Taekwoon said, quite proud of his moderate reaction to this news. “I’ve got work to do. Maybe later.”

“You can do your work down at his place. Wonsik’s going to come back and we’re going to have lots of noisy sex,” Hongbin continued, like he was talking about the weather. “We couldn’t last night because of you and Hyukkie in the next room.”

“How considerate,” Taekwoon deadpanned.

“Go on, hyung. You know you want to see him,” Hongbin said, matter-of-fact, and Taekwoon just gave up on life.

“Does the whole world know?” he asked wearily.

“Just the people who know you. When are you asking him out?”

“I hardly know him,” Taekwoon balked, and Hongbin gave the eyeroll of a century.

“And yet he’s already slept in your bed, _twice_ , and apparently has his own toothbrush in our bathroom. I _saw_ ,” Hongbin said, voice dripping sarcasm. “Hyung, stop being dumb.”

“I feel like you lecturing me about relationship stuff is somehow backwards,” Taekwoon sniped in return. “And I have no idea what he feels about me, so. Enough about this.”

“Right,” Hongbin said, drawing the word out to show the measure of his disbelief. “I wasn’t kidding about the noisy sex part though. Go down to Hyuk’s apartment or bear the consequences in silence.”

Taekwoon gave him a dirty look which didn’t let up all the while he gathered up his laptop and textbook and keys once more. “I shouldn’t let you push me around like this. I’m the hyung.”

Hongbin only began moaning exaggeratedly in response, and Taekwoon was out the door in a flash.

*

Wonsik put away his bag of clothes and other things he’d taken from his apartment just in case Hakyeon was too hopping mad to welcome him back home calmly without getting on his case about Hongbin. Truth be told he felt guilty about that – he knew Hakyeon had the right to be angry, and after everything Hakyeon had done for him every single time he felt like Hongbin had managed to break a new part of him he felt it was poor payback to now drop this on Hakyeon.

“Taekwoon hyung said Hakyeon hyung is willing to be supportive,” Hongbin was saying, looking up at him from the bed. “I hope so.”

Wonsik nodded. “He only wants what’s best for me,” he tried to explain, but Hongbin waved his explanations away.

“I’m going to make sure he has no reason to doubt me,” Hongbin promised. “You too. My days of fucking up are over.”

Wonsik snorted, making himself comfortable next to Hongbin. “That’s a very optimistic attitude.”

“I promise you, I’m going to be the best fucking boyfriend you ever heard of.”

“Boyfriend,” Wonsik mused, trying out the word. “’My boyfriend, Hongbin’.”

“Your boyfriend, Hongbin,” Hongbin leaned over, and smiled into the slow kiss he pressed to Wonsik’s mouth. “Isn’t that gross? But also the best thing ever?”

Wonsik started to laugh. “If you say so yourself, Binnie.”

Hongbin grinned and deepened the kiss. “I told Taekwoon hyung to go over to Hyukkie’s apartment because we were going to have noisy sex. He almost ran out.”

“Noisy sex, huh,” Wonsik replied with interest, pulling Hongbin down onto the mattress with him. “How noisy?”

“Wait till I break out my skillz,” Hongbin said, very seriously, and Wonsik cracked up.

Hongbin gently tugged at the hem of Wonsik’s shirt and pulled it up over his head, doing the same with his own shirt. “Is this okay? Is this doing it ‘properly’?”

“Yeah,” Wonsik murmured into Hongbin’s neck, kissing softly. “I just wanted to take my time with you.”

Hongbin got to work on Wonsik’s jeans and shimmied easily out of his own shorts, leaving them both naked and staring at each other.

“You and your stupid tattoos,” Hongbin said weakly, tracing the one on Wonsik’s shoulder with one finger. “They shouldn’t look this hot on you.”

Wonsik cupped Hongbin’s cheek, the look on his face intensely adoring and touching something vulnerable deep within Hongbin.  

“You’re perfect,” he whispered, wondering momentarily how embarrassed he’d been when Jaehwan had said things in the same spirit to him but now he felt no shame at all saying the same things to Hongbin, because they were true and he’d never been more sincere.

Hongbin still cringed at this, however, making Wonsik laugh again.

“You’ve got a pretty cock,” Hongbin told him, “though I’m bigger. Ha.”

“Win some lose some,” Wonsik sighed before kissing Hongbin fervently, the feel of Hongbin against him familiar by now but without layers of clothes between them his skin was heating to fever pitch. Hongbin reached between their bodies to stroke their cocks together as they kissed, Wonsik helpless to do anything but moan into Hongbin’s mouth. How many times he’d jerked off to the memory of Hongbin’s hands on him that one drunken night – Hongbin dominating his senses in every way till he couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe – but this was real, this was happening right now. He pressed kiss after reverent kiss to Hongbin’s mouth and neck, hands sliding over smooth skin he never thought he’d have the freedom to touch this way.

“Bin,” he gasped, and Hongbin sat up, eyes bright.

“You should see yourself,” Hongbin murmured. “You’re so far gone and we’ve hardly done anything.”

Hongbin leaned down for one more kiss before moving down Wonsik’s body, Wonsik barely breathing with the anticipation of what Hongbin was going to do, but it still didn’t prepare him for the jolt of desire that tore through him at the sight of Hongbin licking his lips before lowering his mouth to Wonsik’s cock.

Wonsik dug his heels into the mattress, wanting to fist his hands in Hongbin’s hair as Hongbin took Wonsik’s cock completely into his mouth and stayed there, whole length swallowed down and tongue working against the base.

“God, Hongbin,” he gasped out, Hongbin trailing featherlight fingers down the inside of Wonsik’s thighs as he sucked lightly driving Wonsik crazy.

Hongbin picked up the pace, using one hand to keep Wonsik’s cock steady as he hollowed out his cheeks around Wonsik’s cock, lapping at the head until Wonsik moaned to Hongbin’s satisfaction.

“Bin, please,” Wonsik groaned out, not knowing what he was pleading for and his eyes fluttering open as he felt Hongbin come off his cock.

Hongbin’s cheeks were dusted with red as he stared down at Wonsik. “I like the way you beg,” Hongbin said, voice rough.

Wonsik shut his eyes tight, the look of raw want on Hongbin’s face too much to take, too surreal to believe it was him that was making Hongbin feel that way.  

He expected to feel Hongbin’s mouth and tongue back on his cock but what he felt instead was coolness, and then Hongbin’s hand spreading it over him. He opened his eyes to see Hongbin cap the bottle of lube and his gasp stuck in his throat as he sat up on his elbows. Hongbin was going to –

Hongbin sat back, spreading his legs and making sure Wonsik could see as he slowly stretched himself with one finger, and then two. Wonsik’s mouth had gone completely dry, his cock so hard he was aching with it. He’d never even thought about this, what it would be like to fuck Hongbin this way – for Hongbin to let Wonsik inside his body.

“Lie back,” Hongbin told him, voice gone breathless at the movements of his fingers inside himself. Wonsik couldn’t look away from the slick fingers sliding in and out of Hongbin, needing Hongbin to be ready as soon as possible so it could be his cock instead fucking Hongbin.

Hongbin climbed on top of him after cleaning off his hand and braced one hand beside Wonsik’s head, the other lining Wonsik’s cock up between Hongbin’s legs. Wonsik surged up to kiss him as Hongbin began to sink down on Wonsik’s cock, the kiss soon turning into a garbled mess of broken moans and gasps as Wonsik’s cock disappeared fully inside Hongbin, the heat and tightness of it making it hard for Wonsik to think coherent thoughts. He held on to Hongbin as Hongbin desperately began to move, fucking himself on Wonsik’s cock as Wonsik went to pieces underneath him.

Wonsik couldn’t think – he couldn’t get enough air, every breath he took wasn’t enough to clear his head and help calm the slamming of his heart inside his chest. He was inside Hongbin, Hongbin that was naked and heartbreakingly beautiful and staring down at him and whom had told Wonsik he _loved_ him; Hongbin loved him. Hongbin loved him.

Wonsik was aware he was rambling, random shattered words and pleas and Hongbin’s name mixed up in a stream of moans and begging. Hongbin was moaning softly as well from above him, a breathless sound every time he ground down on Wonsik’s cock. Wonsik’s hands found Hongbin’s hips and he held them as he thrust upwards hard into Hongbin, Hongbin cutting off a scream that mingled with Wonsik’s own cry at the feeling of how deep inside Hongbin he was.

He wasn’t going to last like this – there was no way. It took only a few more thrusts up into Hongbin’s body for him to be coming, the newness of the sex overwhelming him with an orgasm so toe-curling his throat was raw with the cries he couldn’t help but make, Hongbin following him in a few minutes after pumping his own cock quickly, painting his come over Wonsik’s chest and stomach with a look so proprietary there was no ambiguity over whom Wonsik fully, officially belonged to now.

“Noisy enough?” Wonsik asked after he’d gotten the power of speech back, Hongbin still straddling him and bracing himself with his hands on Wonsik’s chest.

“I think we can do better next round,” Hongbin said, then grinned. “Feedback? Thoughts?”

“A fucking plus,” Wonsik said, closing his eyes and feeling like he could melt into the mattress.

*


	16. Chapter 16

“Hyung,” Sanghyuk said in surprise, heartbeat picking up at the sight of Taekwoon outside his door balancing his laptop and what looked like a thick sociology textbook in his arms.

“Hey, Hyukkie,” Taekwoon said, conscious of using the affectionate abbreviation of Sanghyuk’s name and the way it made Sanghyuk’s lips quirk slightly, pleased. “Can I come in? Wonsik and Hongbin are going to be – uh, busy.”

“Busy, huh.” Sanghyuk grinned and moved back to allow Taekwoon entry. “Um, the house is really – please ignore the mess. It’s all Sungjae’s, I swear. He’s a slob.”

Taekwoon moved a few clothes off the sofa and put his things down next to him, Sanghyuk quickly taking them from him and chucking them haphazardly into what Taekwoon remembered was Sungjae’s room from the brief glimpse he’d gotten the night of 613’s party.

“Do you want anything? Water? Any other drink?”

Sanghyuk hovered nervously nearby, feeling extra worked up and blaming it all on Hongbin. If Hongbin was right, and Taekwoon did feel the same, for some reason that made him all the more anxious and jittery. Was Taekwoon waiting for him to make the first move? Taekwoon was the hyung, more experienced with this kind of thing – shouldn’t he take the lead? Was Hongbin just completely wrong? And yet – here Taekwoon was again, after spending a whole evening, night and morning together.

“I’m fine. Can I just work here for a while? I have an assignment to finish, and I really don’t want to go all the way to the library. You can go do your own thing, don’t mind me.”

“Oh,” Sanghyuk blinked, feeling himself deflate. “Uh, sure.”

Sanghyuk scowled internally. He may be good at reading the emotions of others from a mile away but he was totally stymied around Taekwoon. He had no idea what the man wanted – apparently in this case he just wanted Sanghyuk’s devoid-of-people-fucking-loudly house and not actually Sanghyuk’s company.

“I’m just gonna – yeah,” Sanghyuk gestured at his room and left at Taekwoon’s nod, going into his room and agonising for a moment if he should close his door or not – would that seem rude? But he now wanted to flop on his bed and sulk, and his bed was clearly obvious from the living room. He settled for leaving it open – that way Taekwoon could come in if he got bored and Sanghyuk berated himself for hoping Taekwoon did; but _surely_ there was no contest between Sanghyuk and sociology – and got comfortable in bed, hugging his [Super Sonico body pillow](http://pictures.depop.com/b0/1397594/151808791.jpg) to himself. This was ridiculous.

Five minutes dragged into ten, fifteen, twenty, half an hour; with no sound coming from the living room except the soft tapping of Taekwoon’s laptop keyboard. Sanghyuk nestled his face into the body pillow and and let himself be fourteen years old again, being as pouty as he wanted. He couldn’t very well go out into the living room and demand Taekwoon pay attention to him, and that frustration coupled with the serious thought that Taekwoon really wasn’t into him just made him want to pout more. Stupid Kong hyung. Stupid everybody. Especially stupid hyung sitting outside in his living room doing _homework_ when Sanghyuk was right here.

That was how Taekwoon found him ten minutes later when he walked cautiously into Sanghyuk’s room, assignment halfway done – Sanghyuk’s face smushed into Nico’s ample breasts printed on the body pillow.

“Wishing you had a real girlfriend to do that with?” Taekwoon amusedly asked, flicking Sanghyuk’s ear as he sat down on Sanghyuk’s bed. Sanghyuk removed his face from Nico’s chest, belatedly realising what a giant nerd he must look like to Taekwoon right that moment.

“Sungjae bought that for me,” he muttered quickly. “And no, I don’t want a girlfriend.”

“Too bad, Yujin will be disappointed,” Taekwoon teased, Sanghyuk going red in consternation at the mention of the girl in his Social Studies module who had started to pursue him rather energetically. If he’d known Taekwoon would just use the information to rib him mercilessly he’d have kept his mouth shut.

“I want a _boyfriend_ ,” Sanghyuk blurted out, sulkiness making him reckless. “An older one, preferably.”

“Oh,” Taekwoon said, suddenly finding his nails very interesting. “Why – why older?”

“I think it’s hot,” Sanghyuk answered, watching Taekwoon. God, the lengths he was being driven to.

“Hot in what way?” Taekwoon asked, voice very soft and now examining his lap.

“I’ve never been with a guy before. He could – teach me things,” Sanghyuk said, being as brazen as he dared and firmly willing himself not to blush like a tomato.

“I see,” Taekwoon cleared his throat.

“I’d like it if he had earrings, too,” Sanghyuk said and reached out to gently brush a finger against the small silver hoops in Taekwoon’s left ear. _God almighty if he doesn’t get the hint now I’m going to throw myself off the roof._

Taekwoon stayed very still until Sanghyuk dropped his hand and looked up after a pause. “Okay. Um, when do you want to have our next piano lesson?”

Sanghyuk stared.

“Piano lesson?” he repeated.

“Yeah. I think I can get the piano room the week after this coming one.”

“Sure,” Sanghyuk said slowly. “Next Friday then as usual.”

“Okay, I better get back to work,” Taekwoon stood. “I just needed a short break. Your room’s nice, by the way.”

Taekwoon went back out and Sanghyuk only just restrained himself from dramatically flopping down onto his bed in resignation. That was it. Sanghyuk had officially given up – Taekwoon was Not Interested. Sanghyuk had basically laid everything out for Taekwoon as obviously as he could without spraypainting ‘DATE ME’ all over his wall in bright red paint, and Taekwoon had not taken the bait. Kong hyung could stuff it.

 _where are you?_ Sanghyuk picked up his phone and sent off the message to Sungjae, fully intending to drag him away from Joy if he had to. Sungjae had best friend duties to perform.

_At my cupcake’s dorm. Y?_

_un-cupcake yourself. i need you to buy me an early lunch and soothe my broken heart._

_Y???????????_ came the reply, and Sanghyuk just sent back the name of one of the jjajangmyun places down the main road from the university and the time half an hour from now. he got a quick ‘ok’ in reply and got up from bed, letting the body pillow fall to the mattress.

“I should just stick to anime,” Sanghyuk muttered to himself. “Nico wouldn’t do this to me.” He dug out fresh clothes from his small wardrobe and got changed behind the door, wrinkling his nose despondently at the fact that the clothes he was wearing smelled like Taekwoon because he’d slept in Taekwoon’s bed. It would take him only about fifteen minutes to get to the restaurant but even more so now he wanted to be away from the maddening hyung in his living room as fast as possible.

“I’m going out, hyung,” he announced, picking up his keys and wallet as he walked out towards the door. “Please lock the door when you leave, okay? You can stay as long as you need.”

Taekwoon looked up in surprise, the sincerely confused look on his face for a moment weakening Sanghyuk’s resolve.

“Hongbin said you’d be home all day,” Taekwoon said. “I’m sorry, I wouldn’t have come over if you were busy.”

“I’m going to meet Sungjae,” Sanghyuk replied, wondering what Hongbin had to do with it. “It’s okay, you can finish up and go back whenever. I’m not sure when I’ll be home. Bye, hyung.”

Once outside the house Sanghyuk took a moment to do a full-body cringe, thinking of how horribly forward he’d been these few weeks – _god_ , inviting himself over to Taekwoon’s house and _sleeping_ in his _bed_ and just generally imposing himself on Taekwoon all the time – and all this while Taekwoon had just been too nice to set him straight or turn him down. There had been so many instances where Taekwoon could have reacted in kind – Sanghyuk had surely given him more than enough openings if Taekwoon had felt the same way. Even hugging him while wearing that Rin costume that barely covered anything – Sanghyuk hopped on the spot, the incredible embarrassment surging through him till he was restless with it. God, he could never face Taekwoon again.

He tightened his jacket around him and resolutely went off to stuff himself with jjajangmyun – _and_ jjampong, _and_ sweet and sour pork – on Sungjae’s wallet.

*

Wonsik went home that night but he was back the next day with Hongbin after Hongbin’s last class, Taekwoon only finding out why Hakyeon hadn’t blown up as badly as he was expecting when he’d broken the news to him about Wonsik and Hongbin when he squeezed Wonsik’s arm in greeting and Wonsik had flinched and whimpered, Hongbin trying to hide a laugh and failing.

“What’s wrong with your arm?” Taekwoon asked, bemused.

“Hakyeon hyung hit me with a clothes hanger!” Wonsik complained, Hongbin finally losing the battle to keep his laughter in. “He was yelling so loud, hyung, I bet all the neighbours know by now. You said he was going to be supportive,” he finished accusingly.

Taekwoon didn’t trust himself to speak, the image of Hakyeon chasing Wonsik around their apartment with a clothes hanger too hilarious for words.

“He’s still mad at you?” he finally managed to say, Wonsik glaring at both him and Hongbin.

“Not anymore. But I’m staying overnight here in protest against his clothes hanger violence.”

The week passed slowly, Wonsik staying over off and on and Taekwoon sometimes having to deal with sounds coming from their room – when had he started thinking of Hongbin’s room as ‘their’ room? – that he could have lived happily without hearing, especially since they instantly put him in mind of Sanghyuk and how Taekwoon’s right hand was becoming a woefully inadequate substitute for the kind of physical release Sanghyuk could give him that he couldn’t stop thinking about, fantasies that were becoming too frequent and intense for his liking.

Sanghyuk wanted an older man to teach him things, and Taekwoon really doubted Sanghyuk meant adult stuff like taxes.

When Wonsik and Hongbin weren’t killing Taekwoon slowly by amping up his Sanghyuk fantasies they were killing him in other ways – whispering and making out tenderly and lazily on the sofa or against the kitchen counter, so in love and wrapped up in each other it made Taekwoon sigh to see it. He _ached_.

The problem was made worse by the fact that Sanghyuk had stopped asking to come over and only replied his texts when he messaged first – the sudden lack of Sanghyuk in his life only served to make his desperation for Sanghyuk worse, and he was doubly dreading the moment Hongbin was sure to ask him why they hadn’t seen Sanghyuk for days because he knew exactly why and had been rebuking himself over it repeatedly.

He’d panicked, pure and simple. He hadn’t expected Sanghyuk to be so forward, so blatant, and it had caught him offguard. He couldn’t deny he knew what Sanghyuk wanted, but the shock of hearing Sanghyuk hint so heavily at it and the realisation that Taekwoon had really been an amazing idiot all along – they could have been fucking for weeks already now! – had made him unable to think of something suitable to say or do; not a little because he’d been so turned on by what Sanghyuk was saying – and touching his earrings! – that his brain had pretty much stopped working. It was hot, if he was truly honest with himself, that Sanghyuk was being so clear about his want, but he’d always been the one to make the first move in the past so he wasn’t prepared to be this aggressively pursued. It was exciting, and more than a bit terrifying, actually.

But he’d screwed it up, and now Sanghyuk was understandably avoiding him, probably thinking it had been Taekwoon’s way of rejecting him. Hakyeon had nagged him to hell and back about it when Taekwoon had told Hakyeon, too worked up about it to hold it in anymore, but it was useless no matter how much Hakyeon rolled his eyes at him. He knew he was being stubborn but this – he wanted to do it properly. He didn’t just want to text Sanghyuk about it or ask him to come over and then confess in the middle of his living room, or do it at a restaurant over dinner like so many other people did. Sanghyuk was – special. Taekwoon had fallen hard in barely any time at all and to him, that meant something. He was going to do this right.

He had less than two weeks to get ready – next Friday was their piano lesson.

*

“We can go over how well you can sight-read now,” Taekwoon told Sanghyuk as he let Sanghyuk into the piano room, Sanghyuk going to turn on the lights and the airconditioning as usual before sitting down at the piano and conscientiously shifting further away when Taekwoon sat down too, not too far that it made things weird but far enough that it was obvious he was respecting Taekwoon’s personal space. Taekwoon noticed this with a silent sigh – that was how it had been all these two weeks. Sanghyuk had come over for dinner only once on Taekwoon’s invitation, and only after he’d politely asked if anyone else would be there. He’d kept his distance carefully, no longer texting Taekwoon random things in the middle of the day, or just to tell him goodnight or to look up because the clouds were pretty and Sanghyuk wanted to share them with Taekwoon wherever he was. No more touching, no more barging into Taekwoon’s apartment and demanding Taekwoon make him late-night ramyun, and definitely no sleepovers. Taekwoon had _missed_ him, and the sight of Sanghyuk’s lonely unused toothbrush in his bathroom was making him start to pine.

Taekwoon was nervous, thinking of how the evening would go if everything went as planned. Maybe he’d waited too long and Sanghyuk had begun to move on and Taekwoon was only in for a disappointing let-down – Taekwoon fervently hoped not, because then he was going to have to drop out of college and move to Australia so as to not die of humiliation and longing.

Sanghyuk began to play the simple piece Taekwoon had picked out for him, haltingly in places but generally smooth overall, his brow furrowed in deep concentration as he stared so fiercely at the music Taekwoon wanted to laugh. God, Sanghyuk was too adorable.

Sanghyuk got through it with a few mistakes here and there, immediately asking if he could try again. Taekwoon nodded, and this time Sanghyuk was so much better. He smiled proudly to himself, and Taekwoon lifted a hand to lightly squeeze the back of Sanghyuk’s neck affectionately before Sangyhuk stiffened at the touch – Sanghyuk relaxed almost instantly, his face neutral, but it made Taekwoon drop his hand in confusion all the same. _Damn it_.

“Okay, this is fine,” Taekwoon said, drawing a deep breath. “I wanted to show you something. A new song I just wrote.”

Taekwoon took out the score and put it on the stand, Sanghyuk leaning closer in interest. “See if you can play it. I’ll sing along. It’s mostly simple chords you should know by now.”

Sanghyuk took a look at the music for a minute, stopping to check with Taekwoon how to make the transition between two chords before nodding and getting ready to start.

“Confident?” Taekwoon asked, feeling anything but.

“Yeah,” Sanghyuk answered, giving Taekwoon a quick look out of the corner of his eye but dropping Taekwoon’s gaze immediately once they made eye contact.

Taekwoon let him play the intro and then began to sing.

 

_Every day, I secretly chase after your footsteps_

_I’m always careful so you won’t notice_

_No one says it but our date has started, our own date_

 

_Where are you going? Step by step, I follow you_

_Without a word, you lead me_

_Step by step, did you notice me? I have nowhere to hide_

 

_When the sun rises, I walk in sync and together with you_

_I am really really into you_

_When the moon rises, you fall asleep in my arms_

_I really really like you_

 

_Day by day, we resemble each other more and more_

_Your laughter and tears, I know it all_

_Don’t be scared, we’re a fate tied by the sun, it’s our destiny to be together_

 

Sanghyuk played the last chord and sat silently, his hands still resting on the keys as Taekwoon bit his lip in high anticipation. “It’s good,” Sanghyuk said finally, strange tone to his voice.

“I wrote it for you,” Taekwoon said, biting the bullet, and he was rather proud of the way his voice didn’t crack or waver or do anything stupid to give away how hard his heart was beating.

Sanghyuk turned to him with an intense stare, looking like he was trying not to dare to hope. “For me to practice, or?”

“For you to – understand how I feel,” Taekwoon answered, beginning to feel selfconsciousness creeping up on him like a tsunami. All he wanted to do was hide behind the piano or something and there was a good chance he would do it if Sanghyuk didn’t stop just sitting there staring at him with that solemn look on his face.

“You’ve hardly talked to me these two weeks, ever since that day I – I basically told you I wanted you,” Sanghyuk said, ears reddening but forging onwards.

“I know, and I’m sorry. You caught me by surprise, I – I didn’t know what to do. Anyway, I’ve been working on the song. I thought – I thought that was the best way to tell you. I wanted you to see how serious I am about you,” Taekwoon started to worry, feeling anxious. “Am I too late?”

Sanghyuk launched himself at Taekwoon, Taekwoon catching himself before Sanghyuk toppled the both of them off the piano bench. The kiss was almost bruising, more enthusiastic than anything else, and the grip Sanghyuk had on Taekwoon was like he wasn’t intending to let go anytime soon.

Taekwoon laughed into Sanghyuk’s mouth, trying to make him go slower and not act like it was the end of the world. He cupped Sanghyuk’s cheek and stroked his thumb over a cheekbone – finally! – as he felt Sanghyuk relax, Sanghyuk’s lips soft and full against Taekwoon’s, a soft moan escaping Taekwoon as Sanghyuk melted into him. Sanghyuk tasted sweet – he must have had something sugary before this, and the heady feeling of being able to lick into Sanghyuk’s mouth and taste him and feel Sanghyuk sigh as Taekwoon pressed closer, splaying the fingers of his other hand over Sanghyuk’s broad back was heady – thrilling, and so new – _finally_. The beating of his heart had taken over his entire body, Taekwoon feeling it vibrate through the both of them as they kissed, the adrenaline rush of earlier not wearing off anytime soon.

They broke apart eventually, Sanghyuk’s mouth kiss-swollen and both their breathing coming in short pants.

“I can’t believe you wrote a whole song for me,” Sanghyuk whispered, stealing more kisses; the way he kissed making Taekwoon’s blood heat.

“You’re very lucky,” Taekwoon answered, nodding.

“My own servant hyung,” Sanghyuk grinned. “Write more songs about me. About how handsome I am, how wonderful I am. I’m going to expect one a month.”

“Sure,” Taekwoon promised carelessly, Sanghyuk pressing another kiss to the side of Taekwoon’s mouth.

“I like this room even better now,” Sanghyuk said, beaming. “What a good room.”

“I told you it was my favourite place,” Taekwoon smiled back. “Even more favourite with you in it.”

“Okay, sap levels are becoming critical,” Sanghyuk said, holding out a hand. “You can tell me how in absolutely in love with me you are later. Now: kiss me.”

*

_Two weeks later_

Wonsik opened the door a little too forcefully and Hongbin followed, looking like thunder. Taekwoon and Hakyeon looked up from where they were sitting on the sofa together, Hakyeon immediately going on alert at the look on Wonsik’s face.

“What’s going on?” Taekwoon asked, hoping against hope Hongbin hadn’t done something.

“We’re fighting,” Hongbin announced shortly. “And it’s my fault. But we’re going to work it out.”

Wonsik cut his eyes back at Hongbin at this, and Hongbin lifted his chin at him defensively. “This is my remorseful face.”

Wonsik snorted and went into Hongbin’s room, Hongbin starting to follow but stopping after a few steps to turn back to the two on the sofa watching attentively.

“Some girl tried to hit on him in front of me. I may have almost scalped her,” Hongbin forced himself to say levelly, not looking at Hakyeon. “I am unlearning problematic behaviour, and it is a process. I am now going to apologise to Wonsik, again, and communicate my feelings openly.”

“Why do you sound like you swallowed a counselling manual?” Hakyeon frowned, but Taekwoon was trying not to smile.

Hongbin pursed his lips. “Because that was in my last week’s lecture readings on conflict resolution. Now, excuse me, because I have to go and patch things up with Wonsik.”

Hongbin turned and left for his room, leaving Hakyeon blinking in confusion. “What the hell was that?”

“That is the new and improved Hongbin,” Taekwoon said, shaking his head fondly. “He’s really trying, Hakyeon. The old Hongbin would have had to be backed up into a corner for him to admit he was wrong, much less take active steps to make things right without his ego getting in the way.”

Hakyeon stared at Hongbin’s closed room door. “I suppose he is,” Hakyeon turned back to Taekwoon, reluctance in his face for what he was about to say. “The other day Wonsik told me Hongbin has started contacting all his previous hook-ups, the ones he’d dropped without a word or treated carelessly. He’s apologising to them one by one.”

Taekwoon’s eyebrows shot into his hair. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” Hakyeon admitted with a trace of grudging respect. “He’s learning how to face his intimacy issues, apparently.”

“Isn’t that going to be messy?” Taekwoon made a face, imagining all those conversations with a shudder. “Talk about awkward.”

Hakyeon shrugged pretending not to care, but Taekwoon was bursting with enough outward pride for both of them. “Wonsik also told me he finally found out why Hongbin hadn’t gone to one of the big universities on a basketball scholarship. Apparently he’d had offers.”

“And?” Taekwoon prompted.

“He turned them down so he could be with Wonsik, here.”

Taekwoon didn’t very often feel like he needed to squee, but Hongbin – his baby Hongbin – was currently winning everywhere. He _knew_ Hakyeon was impressed even if Hakyeon was refusing to show it.

“Stop looking so mushy, it doesn’t suit you,” Hakyeon sniffed. “Where’s loverboy, anyway?”

That wiped the sappy look off Taekwoon’s face, ‘loverboy’ being the latest insufferable nickname Hakyeon was currently using in place of Sanghyuk’s name once he’d gotten tired of using ‘bae’. Taekwoon gave him a withering look.

“I can survive a few hours without him, you know,” he said, Hakyeon affecting surprise.

“According to Sungjae he hasn’t slept a single night at home since you two finally upped and confessed to each other,” Hakyeon smirked. “Never took you for that type, Taek. The whole disgusting joined-at-the-hip type.”

“It’s not like we spend all day together,” Taekwoon muttered self-consciously.

“So where is he?” Hakyeon prodded.

 “He should be over here anytime now,” Taekwoon huffed, losing the battle.

Hakyeon snorted magnificently, leaning back on the sofa. “I am always right, Taekwoon. Why haven’t you learned that yet?”

Taekwoon ignored him. “Speaking of sleeping over, what’s the Jaehwan situation? I’d like it if some days I got the apartment to myself, you know, without Wonsik always being over here because he’s too embarrassed to be in the same house as Jaehwan.”

Hakyeon sat up, grinning. “I think I’m onto a winner.”

“Who?”

“Hara’s friend’s brother. Seokjin? I invited all of them over a few nights ago and Seokjin and Jaehwan hit it off. They’re the same age, too. Here’s to hoping something beautiful blossoms,” Hakyeon said animatedly, pretending to clink an imaginary wine glass against Taekwoon’s. “If Jaehwan and Seokjin go out then he’ll forget about Wonsik and Wonsik will be able to be home more and you’ll be free to do unspeakable things to Hyukkie all over the apartment.”

Taekwoon took a swipe at Hakyeon for that, but he’d be hard pressed to admit that wasn’t actually why he wanted Wonsik and Hongbin to be gone some days. Him and Sanghyuk barely had any privacy, and Taekwoon wasn’t the type to be okay with letting all and sundry watch them be – well, boyfriendy – like Wonsik and Hongbin apparently were. Plus, Hongbin had the maddening habit of grinning at the two of them when they were together until Taekwoon felt like he was under intense police surveillance.

Sanghyuk’s telltale knock on the door came and Taekwoon quickly got up to answer it, Hakyeon suppressing an amused smile for his friend’s sake as he took his own leave. Taekwoon waited until Hakyeon had gotten on his shoes and coat, Sanghyuk having gone inside after greeting Hakyeon.

“What about you, Hakyeon?”

“What about me, what?” Hakyeon asked, straightening his coat’s fur-lined hood.

“Don’t you want to be with someone?”

“When I find someone who deserves me, sure,” Hakyeon answered, his eyebrows raised. “So far no one is up to the job.”

Taekwoon stepped forward and hugged Hakyeon, letting go quickly once he felt his cheeks start to warm slightly but Hakyeon returned the hug tightly, not releasing Taekwoon until he was sure Taekwoon was embarrassed.

“I get it, you’re thankful for me encouraging you with Sanghyuk and being supportive of Wonsik and Hongbin,” Hakyeon said knowingly.

“You can let go now,” Taekwoon replied, voice muffled in Hakyeon’s coat.

“Go inside and entertain loverboy, you loser,” Hakyeon said, rolling his eyes and giving Taekwoon a push. “I’ve got matchmaking to do at home.”

Taekwoon found Sanghyuk waiting for him on his bed, getting ready for a shower and to wind down for the day. They were supposed to check out some new anime Sanghyuk was interested in, then Taekwoon was going to help Sanghyuk with a module he’d taken himself in his own first year – extremely mundane, every day things, and Taekwoon was ecstatic.

“How was your day?” Taekwoon asked, gently running a hand through Sanghyuk’s hair.

“Okay,” Sanghyuk sighed, pretending to be more tired than he was. “Better once I shower and wash off the toil and drudgery of being a poor, sleep-deprived college student.”

“You slept for eleven hours last night,” Taekwoon began to laugh, and Sanghyuk climbed into his lap for a needy kiss.

“Help get me ready for my shower, hyung,” Sanghyuk whispered against Taekwoon’s mouth, and in an instant what had been sweet was now sexual, Sanghyuk lifting Taekwoon’s hands to his shirt buttons, spreading his thighs wider so he could shift closer straddling Taekwoon’s lap.

 Taekwoon’s body reacted instantly – he was so easy when it came to Sanghyuk – and Sanghyuk helped shrug his shirt off his shoulders when Taekwoon was done unbuttoning it, Taekwoon still marvelling after two weeks at how forward Sanghyuk could be – he couldn’t imagine saying half the things Sanghyuk said to him to get him going but fuck if he didn’t love it.

Sanghyuk pulled Taekwoon’s shirt up over his head so they were both left only in their jeans, Sanghyuk trying to grind against him through their layers of denim as they kissed and making increasingly frustrated noises as the fabric hindered any friction.

“You said you’d show me today,” Sanghyuk murmured, breaking the kiss for a moment, their breath mingling. “Now?”

Taekwoon captured his mouth again in answer, rocking his hips up against Sanghyuk to feel the little broken gasp Sanghyuk let slip from his mouth as he could feel the outline of Taekwoon’s hard cock in his jeans – but not enough, nowhere enough – thinking of the promise he’d made Sanghyuk last night after Sanghyuk had come in his mouth, trembling through the aftershocks.

 _I want to know how to make you come like this too_ Sanghyuk had whispered, and the thought of Sanghyuk on his knees between Taekwoon’s legs, Taekwoon giving directions that Sanghyuk, normally anything but submissive, would follow – Taekwoon shuddered, Sanghyuk answering with a moan of his own.

They were rudely interrupted by the door opening, Hongbin sticking his head in to ask them something Taekwoon didn’t catch the starting of. Hongbin stopped, slow grin forming on his face as he leaned against the doorjamb, taking in the sight of the two of them on Taekwoon’s bed staring back at him in surprise, both breathing slightly too fast.

“Oh, that’s hot,” he said, grinning fully now and shamelessly taking in the view.

“Hong. Bin,” Taekwoon ground out warningly, and Hongbin took his time pushing himself off the doorframe, giving them a slow suggestive wink before he closed the door.

*   


End file.
